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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this bad form?

18 replies

Anonymousey22 · 20/05/2017 07:58

It's a newish friend's big celebration (afternoon tea and drinks) later today and I said would go, was looking forward to it. Problem is i feel nauseous and horrible plus stressed beyond belief (huge assessment coming up and I am ill prepared unfortunately) :(

Was planning to at least come to the food but my stomach is churning and I feel like I need to throw everything at my assessment. Is it tremendously bad form to send friend big bunch of lovely flowers and promise to take them out when my stresses are over? There's only a v small group going (around 4) which is why I feel bad!!

OP posts:

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 20/05/2017 08:08

Poor you...can totally see why you would rather not go but I really would try to if possible. It is bad form really to cancel on the day, especially with such a small group going. Sorry, probably not what you wanted to hear!

Sirzy · 20/05/2017 08:10

Sounds like it may actually do you good to go along even just for a short time?

wheresthel1ght · 20/05/2017 08:10

I agree bad form however justified.

Why not change your viewing perspective? See it as a break, a chance to relax and unwind. You will probably do much better on the assessment if you are not stressed out!

Shoxfordian · 20/05/2017 08:12

Yeah it's not great to cancel on the day especially as it's a new friend. I'd be thinking about whether I wanted to stay friends if I were her. Definitely send flowers if you don't go though

upperlimit · 20/05/2017 08:15

Yes, I think it is poor form. I think you need to accept it might hurt your friendship if this is a big celebration and you are among a small invited group.

That doesn't mean that you have to go. I can see why you don't want to. But I don't think it's going to be received well.

Dogsmom · 20/05/2017 08:16

I think it's bad form and think it would be hurtful to cancel, I agree with a Pp about using it as an excuse to unwind and put the assessment to the back of your mind for a couple of hours, it'll help your stress levels much more than cancelling.

Laura2507 · 20/05/2017 08:16

Is it afternoon tea and then on to somewhere else for (alcoholic) drinks? Could you do the afternoon tea for a couple of hours but explain with your tummy being off you don't want to go drinking? Does your friend know about your assessment?

Smeaton · 20/05/2017 08:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Piratesandpants · 20/05/2017 08:17

Very bad form. Go but don't drink. Stay up late to catch up on your work.

CaulkheadUpNorf · 20/05/2017 08:18

The friend may have had to book in advance, so will lose money if you don't go.

You don't need to go for long, just for a bit. Make sure you actually do work this morning and not piss around on MN like I would...

BrickInTheWall · 20/05/2017 08:18

You need breaks! I would get in some studying before you go. It's early still, you can set a couple of hours to study now then a break for a shower/cuppa then get in another couple of hours. That would only take you to about 1pm so should be totally feasible.
Then go enjoy yourself! Downtime is essential to good learning.

BrickInTheWall · 20/05/2017 08:19

Original poster

Anonymousey22 · 20/05/2017 08:19

I thought so - I will go, I wasn't seriously considering not going, I do want to but beyond stressed!

OP posts:

MrsMozart · 20/05/2017 08:20

I'd say I'm ill, which is not off the truth, as I know what my innards would do with the stress. I'd send flowers.

EezerGoode · 20/05/2017 08:30

Lie...say you were up all night vomiting

strikhedonia · 20/05/2017 08:32

If you need to throw up, you are ill and you can't do anything but tell her you are unwell so can't make it. No one wants to catch it.

If you are just stressed, it is rude to cancel so last minute, sorry. It would do you good to go for an hour or so and relax, but you don't have to. I honestly wouldn't bother inviting you again if you'd cancel for no reason a few hours before the event.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 20/05/2017 08:56

"Problem is i feel nauseous and horrible plus stressed beyond belief"

Do you feel nauseous because you are stressed OR because you are ill?

If you think you are ill and have a bug DO NOT GO.

If you just feel stressed, then do a bit of work and go this afternoon and enjoy yourself.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 20/05/2017 09:18

If you think you will relax & enjoy it for an hour or two, then you should go & do your best to switch off from your assessment stress,

However, if you think you'll just spend the time getting more stressed and feeling more awful, then don't go.

Tell your friend you are sorry you can't make it because you feel really ill, it's not entirely a lie & little white lies that ease the upset for others do no harm.

If you were my friend I'd hope you'd feel able to ring me & just tell me what you've said here. I'd ask if you felt coming for an hour would help your stress or if staying home & working would be better for you. I love celebrating my birthday, but not at the cost of my friends upset/stress.

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