To be pissed at DH again over DS1

[TooMuchJD]

DS1 is 17, goes college, has Saturday job, does chores daily, generally ok behaviour wise, no drink/drug issues, doesn't stay out every weekend, pays his own bus fares, buys own clothes etc.
He is my DS and DH's stepson.
He's gone to see some bands at under 18's night in town, was happy catch the bus home at 11pm, I was apprehensive in a mum way, he missed the bus but waiting for next one at 11.30pm - no curfew just agreed this is what he would do. (Kept me informed by text).
I expressed concern that he would hanging around town for 30 mins, so ask DH should I go fetch him to put my mind at rest? Massive row for next 20 mins about it resulting in some very nasty comments and DH storming off to bed citing divorce!
I felt it was normal and reasonable to feel concerned, DH disagreed stating if he was old enough to go out he was old enough to get himself home and I shouldn't "mollycoddle" DS?
Bit confused and seriously pissed off at the mo tbh

[ElspethFlashman]

I also find it quite sad that out of ONE days wages per week he has to buy all his transport costs and all his own clothes.

Guess whose idea that was? I'm surprised you don't charge him for the food he eats.

[ElspethFlashman]

He's not the OPs only child, ptumbi

Sadly. There's years more of abuse still to come.

[MorrisZapp]

I'll never forget the 'whore' thread. What kind of person even uses that word? And small children saw it all. Life throws us lemons and kids don't always get hearts and flowers, but your perspective is deeply flawed if you think this level of abuse is acceptable.

[Fanciedachange17]

I also took a look at the OP's previous posts. I could cry for those poor poor children.

Is your need to "save" your H so more important than raising children in a safe and loving environment?

You should be ashamed of yourself. Putting him (and your needs) before theirs.

[Livelovebehappy]

Why ask your DH for permission to collect your son anyway? Your DH acts the way he does because you allow that behaviour. Don't ask him; tell him what you're doing. And if he doesn't like it, then that's his problem, not yours.

[Whileweareonthesubject]

My lovely step dad was always happy and willing to give me and my sister a lift anywhere. When I was around the same age as your ds, I had a hobby that involved a couple of late nights a week. My mum would have let me get a bus. My step dad insisted on coming out to collect me to make sure I got home safely. Even when I was married and had children, if I needed a lift he would always offer. In the whole time he was in our lives, up to the day he died, so over 40 years, I honestly can't remember a single occasion when he acted towards us the way your husband does with your children, seemingly, quite often. I so pity your children. And I'm so grateful that my mum didn't choose to marry and stay married to, an arsehole who treated us like you allow your arsehole to treat your children.

[Whileweareonthesubject]

I think that's the first time I've ever used bad language on here. and I've been here, including namechanges, for ten years now. That's how strongly I feel about this.

[OnTheRise]

I too have just had a quick read-through of some of the OP's other threads and I'm horrified.

Those poor, poor children. I actually felt sick reading the one about not cuddling a baby who is upset. That was so wrong.

The man is abusing everyone in the family. He's a controlling, angry, abusive monster. Get rid of him. You and your children deserve so much better.

[DaemonPantalaemon]

Is this the same op that moans about her abusive husband then disappears after a couple of posts? If so, what more do you want people to say

I have now been on MN long enough to come to terms with the very sad fact that there are some posters who post with absolutely no intention of taking advice or changing their situations. At best, all they want is to vent, and for people to say there, there hun and post virtual flowers. This OP, a habitual poster, is one of them. I feel no pity for her. Only for her children, because she has enabled their abuse.

[Fishface77]

If I knew you in person i would report you to ss.
Like I said if anyone thinks I'm harsh so be it. You chose this situation, your kids didn't.

[saltandvinegarcrisps1]

While - lovely and meaningful post

[NoFucksImAQueen]

I read a couple of your previous posts and I actually cried. One thing that's consistent in all of them is what a lovely boy your ds1 is. How he helps out at home, helps with his siblings, picked up the slack for the dog that your DH nagged for and then couldn't be fucked with anymore and this was since his early teens.
Does he never fight back? Get angry with you or you dh and ask why he's treated with such contempt by him?
I honestly hope one day he punches your husband in the face

[AlcoholicsUnanimous]

I don't think I'll ever get my head around people choosing their partner over their children. You left DH1 because he was a bully, then subjected him to this twat? You really need to get rid of DH2 fast, and be very honest with your lovely son about what a huge mistake you've made. Perhaps you'll be able to salvage your relationship with him and he won't resent you for putting your idiot husband before him.

[AnyFucker]

You are all wasting your time folks

Op puts her abusive husband above the emotional welfare of her children and has been doing so for years

My mother did that and I am virtually no contact with her even though she lives just diwn the road and her health is failing. She made her choice a long time ago and he is still the snall minded abuser he was then except now he is all she has.

This is your future unless you make a change.

[DameDeDoubtance]

Hopefully the lad will be old enough to get away soon.

[VladmirsPoutine]

This is such a sad story. I was prepared to say that this as an isolated incident is just tempers flaring and things should cool down by the morning but going by other poster's responses it seems you're living a nightmare with this man.

[GabsAlot]

i just read a post from four yars ago whre u said u were leaving u hav family to support you yet here you still are with a dickhead all ths years later

[Willow2017]

I also hope your d's moves out pdq them once he is settled waits for your dh some day he is on his own and punches the living shit shit out of him for all these years of abuse and tells you you are welcome to each other.

All these years trying to 'help' and 'understsnd' aka 'excuse & enable' your dh while you stand by and let him abuse your kids? What kind of mother are you that you put this aresewipe before your kids?

Pity someone didn't phone ss years ago.

[Patchouli666]

By our dh had an awful childhood and you feel sorry for him and don't want to leave because he is how he is because of his horrible upbringing. But you are subjecting your kids to the same. The roundabout hasn't stopped.

[Whileweareonthesubject]

Anyfucker, I fear you are correct.

I find myself hoping that one of the dcs either makes a disclosure or lets something slip at school and that the staff there are on the ball enough to take it further.

[Ontheboardwalk]

heyho thank you my mother is lovely but I don't think she's doing anything after 20, ok, 40 years any other mother wouldn't do.. I am concerned about the lack of update from OP

[ItsThisOneThing]

Forget the fact that it's your 17 yo son, it's a common courtesy to offer a lift (if it's not a major hassle) if someone has missed their bus and has to hang around for half an hour. I'd offer the same to my hubby or friend if I could & they'd do the same to me.

[Raggydolly3]

The op seems to post these threads and then disappear when she does not get the response she wants.
You should be ashamed of yourself OP, you are putting your needs above your children. Soon they will fly the nest and you will be left with your abusive partner.
Don't be surprised if your children refuse to have anything more to do with you and even if they do still see you I hope to god they keep any grandchildren well away.
Your son seems a lovely young man despite your partner and yourself and the fact is you don't deserve him.
i would not usually go for an OP like this but you have posted thread after thread about the abusive wanker and yet you are still will him and are subjecting your children to him. Yet you seem to think you deserve sympathy

[Raggydolly3]

Also I hope to god that one of your kids tells someone like a teacher who will ring social servicee and they give you an ultimatum to either get rid of dickhead partner or lose the kids. I have a horrible feeling you would choose the latter

[ivykaty44]

Can I ask why you didn't go and fetch your DS if you were concerned? Why ask your dh to do this?