To be pissed at DH again over DS1

[TooMuchJD]

DS1 is 17, goes college, has Saturday job, does chores daily, generally ok behaviour wise, no drink/drug issues, doesn't stay out every weekend, pays his own bus fares, buys own clothes etc.
He is my DS and DH's stepson.
He's gone to see some bands at under 18's night in town, was happy catch the bus home at 11pm, I was apprehensive in a mum way, he missed the bus but waiting for next one at 11.30pm - no curfew just agreed this is what he would do. (Kept me informed by text).
I expressed concern that he would hanging around town for 30 mins, so ask DH should I go fetch him to put my mind at rest? Massive row for next 20 mins about it resulting in some very nasty comments and DH storming off to bed citing divorce!
I felt it was normal and reasonable to feel concerned, DH disagreed stating if he was old enough to go out he was old enough to get himself home and I shouldn't "mollycoddle" DS?
Bit confused and seriously pissed off at the mo tbh

[NoFucksImAQueen]

My mother in law still picks up sil on a night out. She's 21 and stays out till 3am sometime. I think it's a bit mad she wakes up to do it but it's her choice. A 17 year old and you were still already up? Of course you should have gone, you husband is a knob

[MrsBobDylan]

As a pp asked, why post? You've been told to leave this man but you choose to stay, putting him above your ds. It sounds to me like you want our sympathy for him shouting at you. It's not you who has my sympathy, it's your son.

[FourPillars]

DH stormed off to bed citing divorce?

Take him up on his offer, for the sake of you and your DC.

[Pouncival]

I heard the door open and close the other night very late (I was in bed, reading) I thought "where is he going this time of night"

5 minutes later he was back with our 19 year old who he'd picked up from the pub as he didn't want her walking home alone late at night. No discussion necessary. I don't believe that is moddy-coddling. I'm not going to read back your posts as I come from an abusive parental background but the other posters are right, your children will one day realise that your situation is not right and you may lose them forever.

[Footle]

Don't you see that your children's lives are at least as awful as their stepfather's ever was?

[Squeegle]

Can you just say this is enough now? It is time for a divorce. From everything you have written there seem no good points to this man.

I know you feel sorry for him - but actually feel the same sorrow for you and the kids- it isn't fair. I understand where you are coming from, my ex had a difficult childhood, was irritable and selfish and everything was my fault. In the end enough was enough. I realised I couldn't fix his problems. Only he could. It's better now and the kids don't need to live in that atmosphere any more.

[Whereisthecake]

You asked your husband if you should have collected your son? I would have just gone and done it.

Your husband wbu and sounds like a bit of an idiot.
Glad your son got home safely x

[DameDeDoubtance]

Please leave, for yourself and for your son.

[mum11970]

The most discussion I would have with DH in this situation is 'Are you going or me?'. I'm assuming DS is actually somewhere less than 30 minutes away, as I wouldn't see the point if he had to wait longer for me than the bus.

[Orangebird69]

I'm 42 with a family of my own and my mum would still come and pick me up if needed. So would her dh (who isn't my father). Your dh is an abusive cunt. And you say, OP, we've only heard one side. Well, if you're as bad as him, then you definitely need to LTB. Why the fuck are you still with him?

[user1495261305]

Your DS sounds like a really nice lad.

I would pick him up, that is a bit too late to be hanging around. If my DH reacted in the way yours did (which he probably would), I would completely ignore him and go and pick up my DS.

[Crumbs1]

I still drive to ferry ports, airports, train stations and universities to drop and collect mine. I don't do it because they're incapable of getting a taxi but because I love them. Of course you'd pick up your 17 year old child.

[FrenchMartiniTime]

I'm 26, own my own house, engaged and my dad still worries about me.

It's a parent thing!

Your DH sounds awful. You can't live your life around someone else's moods. I feel really sorry for your DC.

I must say OP, im going to sound harsh, but how many times do you have to be told that your relationship isn't healthy and to LTB. Are you going to post in another 2 years with similar stories?

Please move on and be happy. If not for you for your DC.

[HarrySnotter]

OP, your lives would be so much better if you ridded yourselves of this arsehole husband. However, if you haven't left him by now, I very much doubt you ever will and unfortunately, I agree with a PP when they said that your DCs will leave you and not look back. Why you would put this man before your children is utterly beyond me, but I don't really know what you want anyone to tell you now.

[Livelovebehappy]

If you went to fetch him, and was happy to do so, and it didn't interfere with plans you had together, I really don't see why he should make such a big issue of it. It sounds very controlling. My DH rolls his eyes regularly when I pick my adult DCs up from events, but I don't ask him if it's okay tbh; I just do it. I'm an adult and can make my own decisions.

[HeyHoThereYouGo657]

Ontheboardwalk , your DM sounds lovely .

My mum or dad would have probably gladly driven to fetch me should I have missed a bus and have half hour wait so you done nothing wrong at all OP . Only thing you DID wrong was say "Should I?" I'd have simply gone for him but he is home and safe , , that is the main thing

[TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince]

I picked my 23 year old up from work when he missed the bus!

Because l love him, because he was knackered, and even at 23 is still one of the most precious and delightful people in my life.

Don't justify it to your twatty DH. He sounds a knob.

[tillytown]

A couple more months and hopefully your poor son will be out of this crap, and happily settled at uni

[diddl]

17 & 11oclock, my parents would probably have been picking me up with no thought of me waiting for a bus in the first place tbh.

[ptumbi]

OP - when I got with my DP I made it clear that my kids were my first priority; not dp, not anyone else. If anyone had told me I couldn't go to collect my son (who's the same age, BTW) at night, or day, whenever, he would be OUT. And I mean it. Dp has never questioned it, has always been happy to accept a back seat, will never ever comment on what I do with my kids.

My DP is a good man. YOUR DP doesn't sound it.

[junglebookisthebest]

One thing that strikes me from lots of mumsnet threads is that we need to break the cycle of bad behaviour so at least our children have a better life. Please find the strength to do that otherwise you are at risk of 2 options - either a) your children copy yours and your husbands behaviour or b) they recognise it's disfunctional and will pull away from you to escape it.

[EdmundCleverClogs]

Is this the same op that moans about her abusive husband then disappears after a couple of posts? If so, what more do you want people to say? You've allowed your poor child to be abused for years, or at least be witness to it. He'll run for the hills the moment he can, if he has any sense.

[gamerchick]

I looked at one of your previous threads and nearly got sick reading it. This man has being bullying your son for years and you've been aware of it and fully allowed it to continue. His life is a nightmare. You are just as bad as your husband for subjecting him to that. Children are completely reliant on us to protect them and keep harmful people away, not bring them into their home and allow them to be terrorised

Yep and I really hope he leaves as soon as he can and bins the lot of them off. His mother included.

[ptumbi]

I think if he's 17 he will soon be off, and there is lttle the OP can do now about any of it.

She will soon be left with just her abusive dP. Wonder if he/she will be happy then?