To tell the mum's at nursery to fuck off

[Queenofthestress]

Every single day during drop off I get the dirtiest looks because I play with DC1 during the wait for the doors to open, half the time it's not even playing, it's catching him before he shoots out the door and is off before I can even turn dc2's pushchair around to run after him.
They know he's SN as they're in the same group and have heard me and his teacher talking about appointments or its come up in conversation yet I'm still getting dirty looks as if to say how dare you play with your child

Would it be unreasonable to tell them to bugger off with their shitty looks?

[user1234567]

Lowdoorinthewal1 the op has to children one in a pushchair and one going to nursery.

[Haffiana]

Lowdoorinthewal1 maybe she is actually engaging with her child rather than following the bullet points in a manual on child rearing.

[user1234567]

to = two

[hazeyjane]

What the flim flam are you talking about, low. I work with kids, I play peekaboo, look at letters, count, sing nursery rhymes.....there's no rule that says - once a child has developed object permanence they shalt no more play peekaboo. Or ...if a child has yet to understand the significance of words, they shalt not spot letters.

Why, when waiting in a queue for nursery, should they play games that are quiet, the ops not talking about banging out a few choruses of la traviatta, just playing!

[Lemonysnicketts]

Here's the truth - most people are thinking about themselves 99% of the time. I doubt anyone is judging you, and actually, you're judging her by assuming she is judging you. She may be absent mindedly looking in your direction but thinking about her own problems.

I suggest if you are feeling sensitive you take it by the horns and make a point of saying hello and talking to her next time and I'm pretty sure you'll realise she doesn't have a problem with you and you'll say hi to each other in future.

You're sensitive about the SN which I totally get, but you need to adopt a more brazen approach and a thicker skin because it will just get worse if you don't and when your little one starts school you'll think all the other parents are judging your child or you when truthfully they're unaware / ignorant / self absorbed and by assuming the worst of them you will unintentionally alienate yourself.

Sorry to be blunt, it's meant kindly.

[Queenofthestress]

He has global developmental delay, and suspected ASD with ADHD traits (I get the full report back in three months -.-) on some skills he's placed at 8 - 16 months and others he's placed at 16- 24 ie has awful hand eye co-ordination and can't balance blocks or thread a bobbin which places his fine motor skills at around 14/15 months, but he can climb like a bloody monkey which places his gross motor movement skills at 24 months
So yes, the games you would typically play with a child of his age most of the time isn't suitable which led to playing peekaboo

[MaisyPops]

I walk down the street singing nursery rhymes, guess I shouldn't be doing that in public either
Quietly, fine. Noisily, no.

To me at least with anything like that it's the volume that makes the difference.

Done quietly and with awareness that the world doesn't want to hear it all, fine.

Done loudly, I'd assume either inconsiderate or performance parenting.

(Same for many things eg. people on mobile phones, having a quiet conversation, fine. Chatting loudly like the train is your office, either dickish or trying to draw attention to the fact you're the best businessman in Europe).

[Queenofthestress]

Lemonysnicketts, blunt is good, it puts things in perspective, I think I shall do that on Monday and say hi
Although,how do you develop a thicker skin about this kind of stuff? He's not been at nursery long ( he was in preschool before) and I don't want to end up alienating myself

[Lowdoorinthewal1]

Why, when waiting in a queue for nursery, should they play games that are quiet,

Because that is the socially appropriate way to behave in a waiting area and not doing so is really pissing other people off. Children need to be taught how to recognise and adjust to social norms. Presumably all the other children waiting for the same nursery session are of a similar age and managing to wait quietly.

OPs DS may have SN (I am a specialist SN teacher) in which case it would be appropriate for the OP to ensure the wait is very short and DS is provided with an activity that enables him to wait in a socially acceptable way for those very few minutes.

I am, of course, taking it at face value that the people waiting with OP are seriously pissed off by whatever the OP is doing, as this is what the OP has said. It may be that they are not and OP is just socially anxious herself, in which case I would retract my views.

[Queenofthestress]

I'm normally loud enough for him to hear at the front of the double pushchair but not across the street if that's understandable? Well I've not had anyone glancing over so I hope I'm not loud enough to hear across the road o.o

[Bluntness100]

I think the op has already said quite clearly a couple of times this is her being overly sensitive and it's not about the other mums.

Few parents would have issues with what she describes and she had agreed that,

[Ohyesiam]

Hsyve not rtwt , but Just came on to say that people who want to object to things will object to anything ( haters gonna hate...).
It is all about them, and not much about you. I know it's tough if you feel judged. But really it's their problem.

[Queenofthestress]

Lowdoorinthewal1, I am probably being socially anxious, we've had a few hiccups regarding school and only just had the early years officer in to observe so I'm a bit over sensitive and stressed at the minute, I'm still trying to find out what happens next after he's been observed, I know they're going to consult with paeds (who thinks he's asd & ADHD traits, she did work on the asd team so she's got a bit of backgound) but not much after that

[NotYoda]

Bloody hell, OP. Can't you just give him your phone to play with like everyone else?

[MaisyPops]

OP if it's just at volume to the pram near you then that's fine.

I do this at normal sound levels. I don't give two fucks if anyone thinks I'm 'performance parenting' it's fucking ridiculous that it's fine to talk to another adult but talking to your baby in a normal way is a thing to be judged and sneered at.

For what it's worth, if an adult was having a conversation above a considerate volume i would think they were inconsiderate. If someone wants to speak or sing to their kid above a considerate level, I will think it is inconsiderate.

I'm guessing from your desire to point out how few fucks you give that you may actually be one of those people who doesn't use a considerate volume and forces everyone else to listen. In which case, I would view it exactly the same as I would if it were 2 adults.

Nothing about sneering at talking to babies and everything to do with thinking there's considerate and inconsiderate volumes, whoever you are talking to.

[hazeyjane]

Playing peekaboo and spotting letters are completely socially acceptable games to play with a child. All children can get a bit loud, and if a very young child has additional needs, then it may be that much more difficult for them to control how loud they are.

[MaisyPops]

hazey
I can get kids being a little louder because, well, they're kids.

What I'm not a fan of is adults not regulating their own volume. (We had another thread a while ago about someone talking loudly and getting a baby excited in a medical waiting area). I don't care if somebody is talking to their baby, toddler, friends or great aunt, adults should use a volume that is appropriate and considerate.

[hazeyjane]

....or rather than not giving two fucks because she is an inconsiderate arse, maisypops, the op may be feeling judged by others because she is at the start of a stressful and worrying time, having concerns about her child's development.

[whataboutbob]

fwiw I have felt "odd one out" for years at school drop off and pick up. I did not have a SN child, but he was rowdy and disruptive. But more than that, I felt the other mums were better than me at the social thing, at making friendship groups and just passing the time sociably while I was at the periphery most of the time. In fact it sent me right back to being at school, with the popularity contests between girls and that feeling of not being quite good enough.
Now i have made some friends (well, one, to be honest) and am more relaxed and just care a lot less about how I appear.
It's not always easy OP, I hope that with time you too will just find your own space there, feel comfortable and actually meet some people you like-I'm sure it will happen in time .

[saladsmoothie]

"We would worry less about what others think of us if we realised how seldom they do."

[Queenofthestress]

Whataboutbob - I hope it does get easier! I have about 4 friends that I talk to regularly and none of them have kids at his school so it'd be nice to have some friends that know what I'm on about lol

[1wokeuplikethis]

Unless you are coming across as a 'loud parent' (oh look timmy! We know those numbers in mandarin, don't we! Timmy! It's the letter Q! Q for quinoa and quiescent. Tell everyone what quiescent means now Timmy...), they really probably aren't staring at you

....round of applause for enjoyingscience!!! This is wholeheartedly the best thing I've read all day, maybe all week! Love it. Read it about 6 times in a row, chuckling more loudly each time. Brilliant! Aaaaahhhhhh. Quinoa!

[Queenofthestress]

I don't even know what quiescent means may need to Google it..