To be upset that my university friends ignored my son's birthday?

[kinchyclare]

I'm the last one of my university friends to have kids. For five years, I've sent cards and presents on their kids' birthdays. My son has just turned two, and not one of them sent a card or gift. Granted, we're the kind of friends that are no longer regularly in touch, but I'm upset that I've been sending presents for so long, trying to be a loyal friend, but they couldn't be bothered to remember. Also, I posted on Facebook when it was his birthday so they all could have sent a card the next day or whatever. I know this is pretty pointless as there's not much I can do apart from stop sending stuff to their kids, but I'm angry and want to know if I am being totally unreasonable?!

YABU, because of the passage of time.

I think you've acknowledged that you are all drifting apart, and that would probably have happened irrespective of whichever of you had howevermany DC.

Those who had DC when the group was closer will have received stuff (favours/attention/gifts) from that group because of the friendship. Over time, as new people move into your life, that sharing transfers to the new group.

So I can see why you are feeling a bit wistful because you've had a reminder that the friendship group that once existed has changed and reduced.

But I hope you DS had a lovely time with attention from your current friends.

I mark first birthdays & birthdays where we attend a party/ see the child only now. It's not because I'm being mean, I know about 90 kids I could feasibly be expected to send cards & presents to & life is incredibly busy. If I start & miss a few it's worse than systematically not doing it, so I don't.

Honestly, its difficult to remember my extended families kids birthday not to mention my friends kids, If I was to go down that road I would be sending cards and gifts every week.

I honestly wouldn't be offended, it tends to be a family thing rather than a friend thing

Yabu. I only send birthday gifts or cards to kids who are friends with my kids and even then only if there is a party and mine are going. You sending gifts to their kids' birthday is the unusual thing I think.

Are they supposed to remember your mum's birthday, too? Do your parents' friends send you gifts?

It's unusual to send cards and presents to the children of your long since drifted-apart uni mates. I hope they said thank you though!

Send them a reminder a week before?
🙄
Why should they send anything? It's very nice that you bother but it's not mandatory that they reciprocate.

Thanks everyone - I really appreciate all the responses. I guess there are two factors at play really... firstly, that I come from a family where there's a strong culture of giving cards/gifts especially to children- when I used to visit my grandparents, their neighbours, friends, random people in the village, would put a pound coin in your palm or buy you an ice cream etc. And yes, my parents' friends would send cards to us with a wee note in. All of which I guess would seem odd in some parts of England, especially these days!!! The other thing is that, as one poster said, maybe I was trying to hold onto close friendships that just aren't there anymore. Mortified that they may have almost been dreading getting my cards/token gifts as that was the opposite of my intentions. Either way, I've got the message now! Thanks for your input and I will now go off and scoff the rest of my sin's birthday cake for lunch :) xxx

*son's

kinch I would stop buying cards and presents for them, they obviously don't feel that way towards you, sad though it is. Don't raise your expectations of them.

My (scottish) extended family was like that too OP.

DH has one friend who religiously remembers all occasions and sends cards, even since she's had DC.

If all the others are sending gifts/cards etc to each other's dc then, yes, it's not fair, but I suspect you were the only one.

If I think of my close friends from uni bunch, I'd now be sending 8 cards. Dh would have more as his friends seem to be having more dc
That's just the close ones I still keep up with fairly closely and meet up with etc.
If I go into the further circle it'd fairly quickly rise to above 20.

I think we got a number of cards for dc1's first birthday as she was the first child of our bunch for quite a while (I think the oldest of my friends' dc is only the same age as dc3 and I didn't have them quickly) and so a novelty!

Generally we did birth cards but not beyond.

All of which I guess would seem odd in some parts of England, especially these days!!!

And everywhere else...