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Original poster

Effing chickens in Effing London suburbia FFS!

60 replies

Henrysmycat · 18/05/2017 15:01

One of those WWYD...
We live in a naice part of the London suburbia/Surrey border, in a lovely house with decent garden where the previous garden neighbours we share a fence at the bottom of both our gardens, had a lovely thick tallish bushy hedge for absolute privacy.
It was a dream!!!

Those neighbours left and the new ones moved in. First, the husband thinks he's a bit of a gardener and hack the bush to 'shapes'! It was a cluster of fucking disasters. Then they decided to go all "the Good life" (ironic eh?) and got some chickens.

Today, I woke up to see all the hedges completely gone, being able to see right thru their bathroom and lo and behold, the aforementioned chicken coop moved right on our boundary.
I know, there is fuckall I can do but the coop is visible about half a meter on top of the fence and that effing rooster is a loud mofo.
How can I disguise it? Waiting for plants to grow and do my own hedge is a long term solution and I am not going to be alive to see it. Any other ideas?
PS. If I steal a cook the rooster are any MNers willing to come and eat him as I am veggie myself?
Any ideas except moving to the outer Hebrides?

OP posts:
ConferencePear · 18/05/2017 15:46

Special breeds of cockerel are sometimes used for cockfighting.

I would try to find out if there were any bird flu restrictions in your area. I think they are still in force in some places.

Ethylred · 18/05/2017 15:46

Look on the bright side, all those eggs.

"Oh but I'm veggie."

Life in a big city involves compromise. If you won't compromise, yabu and you know it.

silkpyjamasallday · 18/05/2017 15:47

I would go and complain to the new neighbour if I were you OP. DPs late mum had a neighbour with a cockerel and it was impossible to get back to sleep after it's 4am crowing, drove me bonkers every time we stayed the night. I was also tempted to break in and kill and cook the thing. So noisy and unnecessary, and as they have hacked the hedges down there will be less noise insulation. Ask them to move the coop to closer to their house or get rid. It wouldn't be acceptable to have that much noise at unsociable hours if it were someone's music or drilling it is no different that they have decided to buy a bloody noisy bird with no thought to surrounding neighbours. If you want to keep a cockerel move to the actual countryside and buy a detached property, totally inconsiderate to try and play farmer in suburbia.

ineedwine99 · 18/05/2017 15:47

Can't remember the company but we bought established plants to form a hedge, have used Laurels and Red Robins as both fast growing, the Red Robins have been brilliant, much better than the Laurels and are a lovely colour.

yellowfrog · 18/05/2017 15:48

Bamboo can be an invasive fucker, so be careful with that. Whose hedge was it though? They can't just chop it out if it was yours

SpecialMeasuresWoe · 18/05/2017 15:49

You could ask them nicely about the cockerel.

I have chickens. I hatched some fertile eggs out once and ended up with a cockerel. Neighbours were round the day after it started crowing asking if I was planning on keeping it as it was waking them at 3am. Which was odd as we never heard it and are closer.

But anyway, I'm a reasonable person and it was obviously upsetting them. So even though I'm in the country and legally allowed a cockerel, or even a pig if I wanted the cockerel went.

ShakingAndShocked · 18/05/2017 15:50

I may not be far from you and I do (genuinely) have 3 young but fully formed trees that self-rooted over past 3-4 years and then just GREW ready to be dug out with rootballs if you'd like them??!

Secondarily, is zero chance even in Surbiton Wink ) that the cockerel would pass even the noise test (must be a better name for it than that but I can't think of it right now) - as in, even if not against any by-laws, suggest the Environmental Health Officer responsible for noise pollution in your area, replete with measuring device he/she leaves behind, may be your new best friend.

SquinkiesRule · 18/05/2017 15:52

We always got rid of the Cockerels. Bloody noisy things.
Our hens were always happy without one. Lots and lots of eggs.
Complain complain complain. Surely it can't be legal to keep a Cockerel/Rooster whatever in town in close quarters.

RubyWinterstorm · 18/05/2017 15:53

bamboo is good, it grows quickly.

Or a fence with clematis growing on it (love Clematis, strong fas grower)

Goldfishjane · 18/05/2017 15:56

Nancy "What you need is a fox"

This made me lol and I'm practically vegan!! Grin

seriously OP, I feel for you, what a nightmare. Check the local laws but also....do you have any local foxes? They are everywhere in London so I do honestly wonder how well your neighbours have secured the area....the local foxes might solve the problem for you, at least till the election.....

Doilooklikeatourist · 18/05/2017 15:57

All our chickens and the cockerel were killed by foxes , they won't last long

CaliforniaHorcrux · 18/05/2017 15:58

There were several cockerels and peacocks where I used to live in the Atlas Mountains and they'd wake everyone up two hours before the call to prayer, it was difficult not to imagine strangling them even though I'm an animal lover to the core

bettytaghetti · 18/05/2017 16:06

If you've still got a solid fence between you & neighbour, could get pleached hedge to plant there. Not cheap but will be an instant screen depending on how mature the plants are.
goo.gl/images/7WHaIG

bettytaghetti · 18/05/2017 16:07

Sorry, no help with the chickens!

Todayistuesday · 18/05/2017 16:09

Bamboo would work brilliantly. Put good-quality weed membrane first though or it'll spread everywhere. Beware rats: chickens are major attraction for them.

SoupDragon · 18/05/2017 16:09

...it makes you sound like a dick.

Ironic.

Cottongusset · 18/05/2017 16:10

Stupidly agreed to look after a friend's chickens when she was on holiday - she lives in a village - not suburbia. I had to put my head inside their little house (yeah I know it has a proper name but can't think of it just now) to get collect the eggs each morning and clean out their crap. First morning driving home and started to scratch my head. After 5 minutes my scalp felt like it was trying to crawl off my head. Got home and shouted for DH to come quick and inspect my head. He squealed like a girl and said there were lots of beasties running all over my head. I ran upstairs to jump in shower - much shampoo later and all crawlies gone BUT I had another 6 days of this. Ended up tying a plastic shopping bag over my head - don't own a shower cap -fortunately garden not overlooked - it wasn't a good look - then driving home straight to the shower - and this was twice a bloody day. I also had to "cook" for the little darlings. They ate better than we did - not just corn from a bucket for them. They had pasta, sweetcorn, tomatoes from the greenhouse freshly picked, green beans and I even had to pick and chop some chives to sprinkle on top - all of this served on a huge platter. The hideous creatures used to flap and squabble to see who could get to the food first. When she arrived back from holiday I told her about the crawlies and she was very sniffy with me. Two hours later she rang to apologise - she had been infested too and said that she had to scrub out their house with some special fluid and dust the creatures down with powder as they had "mites". I HATE FUCKING CHICKENS.

RegTheMonkey1 · 18/05/2017 16:10

When we moved here to the back of beyond on the west coast of Argyll in Scotland, we could hear a cockerel crowing some mornings. My 90+year old neighbour, a little old lady, said to me one day 'I hope you're not being disturbed by the neighbour's cock'. Completely unblushing, no double entendres, that's what they call them. Cocks. Sorry for going off topic slightly.

OohAahBird · 18/05/2017 16:11

Do not get bamboo, you will never get rid of it, it also spreads and all your neighbors will hate you!

derxa · 18/05/2017 16:17

They're hens

muffinbluffer · 18/05/2017 16:20

CaliforniaHorcrux we had someone keeping peacocks in the rural valley where I grew up....so noisy...that and the donkey to the rear of the house it was noisy livestock mayhem...though in the countryside you don't really think about things like that, it's part of life there....though if I was the OP I would broach the subject with the neighbour first and if he is resistant make a complaint...keep a record of every time you are woken by the rooster...

CreekyOldKnee · 18/05/2017 16:21

PP is right that a lot of houses have covenants against keeping livestock. You can check their title at the land registry online (it costs £2 to get a copy of their title but you might need to get copy documents as well). Also, be prepared to be bored out of your mind reading all the old English in the documents!

Cackleberry4 · 18/05/2017 16:23

A willow fedge is pretty quick to fill out, although it is deciduous.

I have chickens but would never have a roo because of the noise.

SirVixofVixHall · 18/05/2017 17:13

I really, really want peacocks. The woman I buy hens from had one, he used to perch on her roof.

CruCru · 18/05/2017 17:38

How much light is there in that spot? If it is a sunny spot, I would put a trellis up and plant jasmine and honeysuckle to give you some screening.

Depending on your council, there may be rules against keeping livestock (I know there are in Islington). However, do you object to all the birds or only to the cockerel? If it is the cockerel, it might be worth having a friendly chat - say you are going mad from lack of sleep. If the neighbour is unfriendly or unreceptive, it would be worth getting the noise control people round from the council (make sure you ring them as soon as the cockerel wakes you up).