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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to send dd to a school as a teacher there is constantly comparing her dd to mine

42 replies

ilikespaghetti · 17/05/2017 09:36

Hi there, while on mat leave I became friends with a lady whose dd was the same age as mine, this lady teaches at the primary we were going to send dd to. However this lady has also been very competitve with the girls from the word go, my dd is very clever (according to pre-school) with a big vocabulary & is very confident. Her dd is shyer & also a very clever little girl. This lady constantly boasts about what her dd can do (mine does the same), reprimands my dd if she ever gets a chance & says "now Lucy (not her dd's name) we never do that do we, we're always kind".... She is very pushy with her dd & gives out about any other kids she deems to be a threat (her daughter is in alot of musicals,plays etc) I am now thinking we can't send dd to the school she teaches in as firstly her dd will be priority & secondly if she keeps putting down my dd & others to boost her daughter that would be terrible for dd's confidence (& she has alot of it at the moment which is great & I want teachers who can nurture this)... Advice please & sorry if it's a bit rambling....

OP posts:
Name15 · 17/05/2017 22:41

Honeylulu I was so upset that I ended up getting a D. I ended up with a Bit overall though, and boy was I chuffed

Name15 · 17/05/2017 22:42

*B, not bit

GrumbleBumble · 17/05/2017 22:42

Job not join.

Original poster
ilikespaghetti · 17/05/2017 22:49

Oh Name that is terrible, all credit to your mom for telling her to F off..... I can so see something similar happening if dd ended up in this ladies class, snide sly "constructive" put me downs.... To be fair it's not just my dd that she has a chip on her shoulder about... She has taken an authorised leave of absence (also had a few personal issues) which is why she's off... It's painful watching her in action, her dd is really lovely & it's a shame she won't play with the others at activities...

OP posts:
Original poster
ilikespaghetti · 17/05/2017 22:53

PS Name huge congrats regarding the B! I can imagine 99% of teachers would be very conscientious about not favouring their dd's, my friend was taught by her mum in primary & felt her mum was unnecessairly harsh to her as she didn't want it to look like she was picking favourites... This lady is very single minded & it seems that no one gets in her dd's way & all other kids are unintelligent little shits in comparison to hers!!

OP posts:
TheRealPooTroll · 17/05/2017 22:59

I'd not put her in the school as the woman sounds weird and unpleasant and I wouldn't want to risk your dd having her. I'd think pretty much any other teacher would be a better option.

Original poster
ilikespaghetti · 18/05/2017 00:27

Yes Poo troll, agree, the other school option isn't as good as this one (same distance) but I feel dd would be happier there in the long run if this behaviour towards her (& other little ones) continues...

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 18/05/2017 05:53

I'm not exactly getting how this woman telling her own child to be kind means she is putting down your child...

And the more a person describes their own child as 'very confident', the more I imagine the reprimands from her teacher might be coming from a reasonable place.

Why is your DD being reprimanded, OP?

MrsDustyBusty · 18/05/2017 06:12

Regarding her giving out to your daughter, you clearly see that as inappropriate and officious and it probably is. But it's more likely to be just what she automatically does as a teacher than a calculated insult.

Sometimes it's easy to personalise things that are a weakness in another person rather than an attempt to get at us.

AntigoneJones · 18/05/2017 06:13

sorry but you sound as bad as each other.
Everyone's child is 'very bright' as I am sure you realise, but your mention of 'very confident' does make me wonder if maybe your child might come over as a tiny bit rude or annoying?

PeteAndManu · 18/05/2017 06:26

Same question as Grimblebumble, I know you've said (or heard it from her) that she is on leave of absence but it doesn't mean that she has a job to go back to. At our school we wouldn't have someone on leave of absence for that long as you can't plan and staff appropriately. We may say come back to us when you want to re enter the teaching profession but we wouldn't keep a job for them and we would have to have an open recruitment with other candidates and select the best.

Have you looked round the school and subtlely asked about staffing? Plus if she starts in September, assuming you are in England, don't you have a place already?

AntigoneJones · 18/05/2017 06:27

I wouldn't say she was in England from her turn of phrase.

LaPharisienne · 18/05/2017 06:33

She sounds like a plonker but if you weren't similarly competitive, you wouldn't care and possibly wouldn't even notice. Could you have triggered her a bit by talking about your own dd in slightly too glowing terms?

If it isn't this woman at this school, it'll be someone else at a different school so I'd send your dd to the best school for her and try to be better at not caring about this sort of thing.

Thingvellir · 18/05/2017 11:24

Per PP I'd be surprised that she has a job waiting for her after 4 years.

Is it a good school and would it be your first choice without this issue? If yes I would be very reluctant personally to base my choice of school on this, particularly without trying to address the issue.

Seems to me there are a lot of unknowns that you need to clarify before taking such a drastic decision

  • is she definitely going back there to teach full time in September?
  • does the school have a policy on not teaching your own kids? Ask the school office for a factual answer rather than hisdip and hearsay. In my experience of this teachers have been moved around classes as their child moved through the school years to avoid them being teacher to their own DC and GC

If the answers to the above conclude beyond doubt she could be your child's teacher, then I would in as constructive and professional a way as possible (with my big girl pants on) take this mum to one side and let her know your thoughts and ask her if she's planning to modify her behaviour in the work setting (which is different to being a parent at toddler groups)

Thingvellir · 18/05/2017 11:27

Hisdip = gossip btw!

ParisToLondonMamon · 18/05/2017 18:25

YABU

If your dd's confidence will be taken away by the slightest hint of competition or actual 'real world' scenarios then she doesn't really have any IMO.

TheRealPooTroll · 18/05/2017 19:03

I think the op is getting a hard time here. I know someone similar and it's awful. She tells off others kids for virtually nothing before the parent has even had a chance to address it yet lets her child do pretty much what they like. If anyone else dare reprimand her child they get the glare of death. It wouldn't be so bad if it was a 2 way thing and she would accept her child being reprimanded by others as well.
On one occasion her dd kicked another little girl in the group and the little girl no longer wanted to play with her. She tried to get the little girl to apologise for not playing with her dd and completely ignored the original kicking. Yet if her dd so much as gets knocked into there's a whole dramatic performance from mother and child with ice packs being produced and all kinds. And she also makes constant sly digs and comments bigging up her own child at the expense of others. People like this do exist and if I could avoid having one of them teaching my child I would.

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