To ban 12 yo from looking at naked pictures

[AtSea1979]

I tried to be open and totally failed.
DS has just turned 12 and I found his Facebook profile on his phone. I challenged him and he said he didn't do it. Huge drama for about 20 mins until he confessed he had and told me the password so I could change it and deactivate it.
I then looked through his history and found he'd been watch naked people on YouTube and had been watching all sorts of random naked folk. I asked him about it, hoping to open up a discussion on safe internet use and he went nuts, denying it. I told him there's no need to be embarrassed but he needs to be careful what he clicks on. He's now in his room, refused to admit it and I've confiscated his phone, perminantly, since he can't be trusted to be open about his usage.
Clearly I've gone about it all wrong. How do I salvage this and encourage him to be honest with me.

Wow that's awkward for him! What kinds of 'naked pics' were they? Its probs totally natural at his age that he's curious & don't think he should be made to feel bad about it. The human body is amazing & natural. Obviously there's the whole objectifying ppl thing that's bad & ppl should be respected in their various shapes, sizes etc. Other than the safe-internet usage lectures you've already given him i'd tell him how to clear his search history so neither of you need to be embarrassed in future!

The poor boy must be mortified!

I know. I think I'm more mortified at my terrible parenting.

Oh God I'm cringing for him, and you.

The discussion about safe internet use should've been had before he had a phone,that apparently he can use completely unsupervised.

With Facebook, could he have clicked on something a friend has shared, he has 'liked' the page, and then keeps getting the pictures on his Facebook page. He may not be actively looking at them, as such.

Not sure if the same can be said for YouTube. Could he have looked at one or to ' for fun' and then keep beings entitled ?

(Clutching at straws).

I don't think you can ban him totally. That may make him more secretive.

I think we would all have exploded at a teen DC if we'd come across it so you are not alone.dd

Teens can't live without phones nowadays so maybe return to him in a few days or Alf Term, with strict guidance on usa

Not quite sure how you go about it though, and I wouldn't like to be in your shoes!

Thanks. I just wish he'd admitted it and we'd discussed not googling certain things and people being exploited etc then moved on but his total denial has left it hanging in the air.

Obviously you've got parental controls set so no one can use adult sites?

Or is he not using wi-fi?

I think he's probably just mortified at the moment and thats why he's denying it, the breaking of trust/understanding about being open probably doesn't even occur to him he just wants you to stop talking about it and have the ground swallow him up.

I'm sure tomorrow or in a few days you will be able to have a more open relaxed conversation about it.

You definitely should have access but I don't think there is anything wrong with looking at 'naked people' at his age. Unless you are using naked people to describe what is hardcore porn, although there isn't typically much of the on YouTube.

Kids will look because they're curious. I don't have one that age so this could be a terrible suggestion but how about suggesting he look at nudist pics if he's curious about people's bodies? No sex and definitely no exploitation or negative attitudes to pick up.