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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stay here with prem baby?

36 replies

ohbuggerthisaintwhatweplanned · 15/05/2017 18:11

I wrote a post just over a week ago about the fact my baby was going to be born at 33 weeks. She's here and she's doing well but still needs help with her feeds so can't come home yet. I'm currently trying to breastfeed and long term the ideal plan would be to mix feed bottles and boob.

I have a 2 yr old at home. What do I do?!?! I've been here in hospital over a week now but miss my ds like mad and his dad says he misses me too (dad doing a grand job - he's not trying to make me feel guilty) if I go home and come in during the days to be with new baby does that mean breastfeeding won't be successful? If I stay here will my ds forget I exist?!

What should I do I'm so torn.

OP posts:
ohbuggerthisaintwhatweplanned · 15/05/2017 20:05

Thanks everyone for your thoughts- I guess there's no right answer is there. She is taking some feeds from me but I wonder if I am pushing it too hard and wearing her out as I am trying her on the breast at every feed.

I think my head is telling me I should go home, but heart is breaking about it. It's really silly but this whole situation has been such a shock and feels so surreal that I'm almost worried if I go home to some sort of normality I might even forget I've had her.

There is balance that could be struck though. Ds wouldn't miss me during the day so could still be here 9-5 ish. I am lucky that the hospital are letting me stay I know that- almost wish they'd kick me out though and make the decision for me!

OP posts:
Bitofmindfulness · 15/05/2017 20:25

Congratulations!
It sounds like you're doing an amazing job and there's no doubt it's not easy.
Our baby was born prem last year. Have breast fed now for 8 months but it took a while to establish and really best when home after 4 weeks.
I came home When discharged, we live close to the hospital but it really helped my dc1. We took turns to visit so each child had a parent with them as we have no family close by but it helped us all. You need to rest to get feeding and home is best. The staff are there to help and you'll be taking over and going it alone soon enough.
We had to negotiate tubes and top ups with bottles and baby wasn't strong enough to feed from me for quite a while. In fact we had to use nipple shields and it felt like it may never work. But it did in time. I
expressed every 3 hours (save one at night going longer) and had the most amount frozen. I found that a way of staying connected, for me single but hospital duty pump and time out was a nice thing to do.
Whatever happens look after yourself and do what works for you as a family but remember lots of skin to skin when you're there and baby will get amazing stuff from in that time but doesn't need you there all the time to be ok.
Good luck.

MrsJayy · 15/05/2017 20:33

I read your update go home spend time with your son and husband get a sleep your baby is in good handsFlowers

CreamCrackerundertheSettee · 15/05/2017 20:35

I had the same problem with my dd2, dd1 was 2 and I felt so guilty and torn. The hospital sent me home after 5 days but once she was bfing well, I had to stay in with her for 48 hours where she fed only from me before we went home.

Establishing bf was so hard so look after yourself when expressing, lots of drinks and rest. You'll get there in the end.

UnbornMortificado · 15/05/2017 20:45

When DD2 was born at 30 weeks I did the school run with DD1 at 9 went straight to hospital then left about 6 so I could put DD1 (she was 7) to bed.

I was lucky I had supportive parents as arsehole ex was in jail otherwise engaged.

I don't think there is a right answer, congratulations on your DD and do try and take care of yourself as well. Neonatal can be incredibly stressful.

sebashocked · 15/05/2017 20:51

Go home. Pump at night and do days with your preemie. Please don't worry too much about establishing BF yet. It takes a good while for them to be strong enough to feed successfully from the boob. As long as you have a good supply you'll be fine. My 30 weeker was discharged at 37weeks with instructions only to try BFing a couple of times a day so as not to to tire him out and express enough to bottle feed the rest of the time. Once he was a decent weight (around 44 weeks) I switched to solely BF. Just feeding the little bugger to sleep and he's 3 now.

FraterculaArctica · 15/05/2017 21:31

Try and get better advice from the nurses/infant feeding specialist about how often you should be trying to BF. I was told not to try BFing every feed as it would tire DD out too much. But every midwife/nurse I saw proposed a different 'schedule' for what I should be doing. I found it very helpful to be politely insistent that I speak directly with the person in overall charge of feeding plans and have the feeding plan written down so we could then discuss when it needed to be updated as her sucking ability developed.

On the same tack, will she really need to stay in till 48 hours after she has come off the feeding tube completely? I was involved with two NHS trusts with DD and they were both happy to support her discharge with a feeding tube in situ - but required 2-4 feeds per day (of 8 feeds in 24 hours) to be direct BFeeds. Something to push for clarification on a little further down the line.

You sound very conflicted about going home and I know exactly what you mean about forgetting you've had a baby! I felt like that when DD came home and she just slept in a corner for 3-4 hour stints. Your emotions must be all over the place. Can you stay in another couple of days and reassess then (I'm guessing it may be harder to come back and stay with her once you've decided to leave, whereas you can always make the choice to go home overnight in a few days' time?)

eeyore2 · 15/05/2017 22:55

I something v similar. My advice is just follow your heart. There were times I was at the hospital full time and my older children were being spoilt rotten at home by grandparents and friends.I don't regret it. In my heart I just had to be there in the hospital and I felt miserable leaving. Once the hospital phase was over though I tried to really focus on the older children, letting others help with nappies and baby care as much as possible.

It was tough on everyone. We basically told our other children that we love our children so much and if any of our children are ever poorly In hospital we will always be with them there. Right now baby X is in hospital but if you ever broke your leg or something we would stay with you in the hospital. It's all part of being a mummy.

It's hard enough to bond properly with a poorly prem baby and I just felt I needed to be right there as much as possible.

Don't let anyone judge your decisions - there's no right answer.

Gigglebert · 16/05/2017 06:00

Congratulations on the arrival of your baby!

I could have written your post in October, my son arrived at 34 weeks and I was torn between him and my 2.5yr old daughter. I was 'lucky' that scbu was very quiet when we were in so I had the first two nights in postnatal, going back and forth between the ward and scbu to drop off expressed milk to the fridge and to sit with him. Unfortunately he took a serious dip and dropped 20% of his birthweight in those two days so they switched to drip feeds to let his system rest. As he was so poorly I was able to stay for another three nights in a parents room in scbu. During those first five days I only saw my daughter once, on day two when my husband brought her to meet her brother. The following day she woke with a cold so couldn't come into the unit. Once my son was more stable I made the heartbreaking decision to go home. I was able to borrow a hospital grade pump (but if you can't you can hire the medela ones online!) and so I expressed every three hours.

My daughter was already in full time nursery so we kept her routine as much as possible when I went home. I would get up with her, prep her breakfast, drive her to nursery and then head to the hospital where I'd spend all day, then would leave directly after an expressing session, pick her up and go home to do dinner and bedtime, express at home and then go back to hospital to drop off the evening milk and do my sons cares/meet the night nurse to hear about the handover, would stay at hospital until I needed to express again and then head home after that. We were lucky to be only twenty minutes from hospital so it was doable (though how I kept going I'll never know!).

Our scbu didn't use bottles for mums who wanted to establish feeding, once my son was off his tube they would use a syringe or cup to feed him if I wasn't there. We started with one breastfeed a day and increased it quite quickly as others what he wanted though I had to use shields initially as his mouth was too tiny to latch properly. Once he had done a full day of feeding from me the staff organised a parents room and I roomed in for another five days to establish feeding. My husband brought my daughter in each day to visit in that time and the scbu nurses were incredible with her.

If you are going to go home spend some time planning how you will manage expressing etc first. I bought a Milton sterilising bucket as that's what they used in scbu and I borrowed a mini fridge so I didn't have to walk downstairs in the night to store my milk. Also bought a mini cool bag and ice packs for transport to the hospital.

Be careful when you wean off of expressing, nurses told me to go cold turkey once my son was feeding from me. My supply was ridiculously high at that point and he had no bother getting milk at all but once it was just him feeding (relatively inefficiently due to size of mouth and shields) my supply dropped and we were nearly readmitted for his weight gain (though we also had other issues with allergies and fixing my diet which were partially to blame).

Oh, and look out for your husband, mine is still struggling eight months on. He hated being home alone at night once the toddler was sleeping, he really struggled with thinking the worst and never felt able to talk to me about it. It's only now that our boy has more than tripled his birth weight (and quadrupled his lowest weight!) that we are starting to look back at photos and process everything that happened.

Hope your little one is home soon x

ohbuggerthisaintwhatweplanned · 16/05/2017 06:25

Thankyou giggle and everyone else who has shared your stories. I think I need to go home. There are things I can do here without staying her and ds and dh need me too.

Reckon I'll stay til Friday and then shuffle off. I spoke to the night staff last night and they talked about how we could do it- there's a pump I can borrow and they can gradually move her feeding schedule to a time that fits in with nursery drop off so might only have to miss night and maybe first thing in the morning. They've also got a family room that I could use if for any reason I was desperate to stay after I've technically left.

OP posts:
MissHemsworth · 16/05/2017 06:41

Pump at night & BF during the day. DC1 was 31 weeks, no option to stay over. It worked well & he happily took boob or bottle. Then when your DC2 comes home maybe exclusively BF? Pumping with a baby & a toddler around can be quite a challenge!

Congratulations btw!

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