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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go through cms

25 replies

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 15/05/2017 17:14

Xh has three dc with me. He sees them every Sunday and every other full weekend currently. He lives in a two bed flat with his gf, her two dc and their baby. I was annoyed when he was having the new baby as his life is chaotic as it is.
He hasn't paid for the dc in almost a year. He was self employed and not earning apparently.
Now he has a new job. This will be an employed job. He says he can pay me at the end of June but he doesn't want cms to deduct from his salary as an attachment to earnings order would make him look 'like a dick.' He also can't have the kids overnight on a Sunday anymore if it's not his weekend. And I already have to do 100% of school hols. Luckily I'm a teacher.
I'm actually a bit scared of him, but I'm broke and exhausted. I need to contact cms don't I. He may well pay but at the moment I feel like I'm begging him for money.

OP posts:

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 15/05/2017 17:16

Cms.

And don't feel bad.

category12 · 15/05/2017 17:17

He is a dick. What's his problem with looking like one?

Pinkheart5917 · 15/05/2017 17:24

He is a dick though so don't see the problem with him looking like one

Ok so he's not be earning so what have him and new gf with her dc been living on ?

And why does he think it's ok not to pay maintenance for his dc with you? It's ok I guess becuase you have to pick up the slack and find the money elsewhere to take care of the dc you share

Got to the child maintenance people and don't feel the slightest bit guilty about doing so, he has himself to blame

AntigoneJones · 15/05/2017 17:28

" an attachment to earnings order would make him look 'like a dick.' "

awww my heart bleeds for him.
Yes CMS, please do go for it.

Original poster

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 15/05/2017 17:31

I will. He did say he won't give me his details

OP posts:

LostMyDotBrain · 15/05/2017 17:34

an attachment to earnings order would make him look like a dick

If it gets to that stage, it'd make him look about right. It doesn't go to that automatically...that comes after consistent non payment.

Do it. And don't feel remotely bad.

TheGreyBlock · 15/05/2017 17:45

He will be given the option of paying you directly first. If he messed about and it goes to detachment of earnings then he deserves to be seen as a dick because he will be being one.

YANBU

Lottie991 · 15/05/2017 17:52

Yanbu but just to warn you it can he a very long drawn out process if he doesn't pay up, I found it exhausting as my ex wouldn't pay up and is currently using the loophole of getting his wife to work so he doesn't have to pay maintenance, Owes my kids thousands and doesn't pay a penny.

AntigoneJones · 15/05/2017 18:11

yes Lottie mine did that too.
But I still going to pursue it even if it takes me years.
OUt of interest does anyone know, if someone is putting all their cashmoney through their wife's account, would the new CMS treat them as separate?

bonfireheart · 15/05/2017 18:22

I went to CMS and paid them £20 for the pleasure. They contacted exH and he ignored all letters and phone calls. They contacted his employer who ignored all correspondence, despite being a large reputable firm. CMS got his earnings from HMRC. But then did nothing else. I asked them to deduct money straight from his salary and they said they couldn't without his permission. Waste of time.

Lottie991 · 15/05/2017 18:35

Doubt it AntigoneJones they wouldn't be able to access her account at all.
I've spent more in phonecalls to that company than my kids have ever received in maintenance, I can't chase it anymore as I just feel like I am funding the organisation which is frankly useless with non compliant parents.
Worse thing is they built me up to really believe they would get the maintenance told me there is no way he will get away with it with this new service when I changed over from CSA to CMS, Unfortunately they are just as useless and people dont know their ars from their elbow when you ring them up.

kittybiscuits · 15/05/2017 18:38

He will only 'look like a dick' with the attachment of earnings if he doesn't pay what they tell him to pay voluntarily. It sounds like he's letting you know he won't be paying. I wouldn't hesitate. Well done on getting rid of this loser.

AntigoneJones · 15/05/2017 18:40

oh dear Lottie that doesn't sound good. I thought , you know, a a married couple..?

TheWernethWife · 15/05/2017 18:40

This was touched on in this mornings Women's Hour, deadbeat dads who will not pay child support. The programme was about financial abuse and one woman was financially abused, ended her marriage/relationship after being told that the money was his, the business was his, the house was his and she'd better "be nice to him" wtf. He then told CMS that he only earned £7 per week. This is absolutely disgraceful behaviour from fuckwits like that. There should be a law passed that makes not paying child support a criminal act and HMRC should get their finger out and get money off these bastards.

Original poster

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 15/05/2017 18:48

I left him because he gambled and emotionally abused me

OP posts:

Lottie991 · 15/05/2017 18:51

You would have thought so wouldn't you AntigoneJones that's what I couldn't understand, They would tell me he was nil assessed with £0.00 income but that he had 5 children, in his household, That's when I found out she was working so they could avoid it! I don't get how someone could ever want to support a deadbeat like that? More fool her I suppose.

Lottie991 · 15/05/2017 18:54

Completely agree with you TheWernethWife. Its awful.

Lottie991 · 15/05/2017 18:56

I also know of many people who because their ex didn't respond to the letter or phonecalls they literally couldnt get anywhere with their case.

Mummummummummummmmmmy · 15/05/2017 19:00

Does it work The same if ex and new partner have a joint account? Meaning it's shared money so can be used to take money from it if ex chooses not to pay.

Original poster

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 15/05/2017 19:11

This thread puts me off doing anything. I don't want to get his back up and then risk not getting anything.

OP posts:

Lottie991 · 15/05/2017 19:14

I'm not sure mummum, as its not all his own money?
I remember reading they could access bank accounts from their leaflet and then when I asked on the phone they said they couldn't
To be honest though they will probably just change their bank account, If someone wants to get away with paying maintenance they will. There are far too many loopholes that the non resident parent can use.

Lottie991 · 15/05/2017 19:17

Farontothemaddingcrowd as someone who has experienced the system with a non complient ex I would honestly advise anyone who can or may be able to sort it out amicably to do so. Good luck

AntigoneJones · 15/05/2017 19:18

I chased my ex through the CSA for approximately 10 years and got a year when he paid me a set amount plus further amount for the arrears; Then he just stopped paying again.

Ditsy1980 · 15/05/2017 19:32

I had to involve CMS last year after exh stopped paying.
He started paying once they got in touch but not the full amount. He hasn't paid the full amount since. I've informed them each time. They've gone from leading me to believe they would take arrears and payment direct from his bank account to telling me they are reluctant to take any action as "money is flowing between you". So he just gets away with paying me £100 short each month. They did say if he paid short on April they would go for attachment of earnings...he paid short but they didn't go for attachment of earnings as he's changing job and to give him a chance to pay full amount while in new employment arghghhhhhhhh

Ditsy1980 · 15/05/2017 19:35

CMS only take accountability from when you contact them also. So if you contact them in August and say he was meant to start paying in June when he started work they'll only take arrears from when you contact them.

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