Sorry its a party invite one...

[Dottie39]

But it is real!

So, daughter (9) is having a small birthday celebration, meal and movie sorta thing.
She wants to invite her three best friends, all good.

My dilemma is this, she used to be very close to a girl and through this I became very close to her mum - we even went on holidays together. This last year the girls drifted apart, no big row or anything but they spend no time together in school and when they are together they don't get on. I asked daughter about inviting this girl and she does not want to. I know my friend will take this very personally as she has been upset in the past if her daughter doesn't get invited to parties. I actually think it would spell the end of our friendship which has been shaky lately anyway. But I don't want to force my daughter to invite someone she doesn't want to... Should I insist to keep the peace? If not, how should I approach it with my friend? She will find out as it is a very cliquey and gossipy school gate, which I try to.avoid!

For info, my daughter was invited to her child's party at Xmas and went (it was whole class though), the class is small. The friend is very popular and cool which is why I think they have their differences - my daughter is very bookish and much younger in behaviour.

Your friend doesn't sound like much of a friend. If she'd dump you because of your kids choice of party guests then she's not a friend at all. Your daughter is only inviting three people so it's not like the other girl is being left out of a full or even half class party.

Don't invite her, it's your DD's party, she chooses the guests. If your friend dumps you then it is her loss, not much of a friend is she?!
My best friends daughter is 18months older than my DD, the girls are great mates, but when friends DD had a cinema party my DD was not invited. Was not an issue.

Don't invite her.

I wouldn't say anything to your friend. If she brings it up, I'd just breeze over it with "dd didn't want a party this year, so she just had a couple of girls for a sleepover" and leave it at that.

If she takes offence, it's unfortunate, but it's her problem not yours.

My YR5 DD's friendship group has gradually changed over the years and is now a completely different group of kids from when she was in reception, as they've all grown and changes as people, even though there have been no big fallings-out. It's all fine and very normal I wouldn't make it into a bigger deal by saying anything to your friend.

We've been the not invited friend recently.

Our daughter's have drifted. Not badly enough that they don't get on but not close enough for my daughter to be one of the three friends invited for the birthday day out.

My friend was upfront about the birthday plans with me but offered to have my daughter round after school one day instead for cake and catch up (they are still friends, just not BFF in their own words )

We were perfectly happy with this. If your friend is anything less than gracious about your daughter having three closer friends than her daughter then she's not much of a friend and she certainly won't be missed.

BTW I'm not suggesting you have to do an alternative but this is one of my closest friends so she wanted an excuse for a catch up anyway

Making your dd invite people to keep the peace isn't teaching her she can select her own friends for the right reasons and that she is entitled to move on without guilt!!

I don't see how anyone can complain if she's only inviting 3 friends. If she was inviting half the class then maybe but 3 is best mates only and this girl isn't best mate.

As ThroughThickAndThin01 says, it's not a party, just a small get together with her three closest friends. Just remember, it's inevitable that friendships come and go and we all go through these guilt trips.