cope with losing my looks

[flailingego543]

I'm turning 35. I have always been thin until recently. I am having a hard time trying to lose the weight. I think about food all the time. Today, I went to church. I saw women dressed beautifully (as I used to) with thin frames and yet also several children. So together. Classy. How do they manage to do it? I'm losing my looks...mostly in my weight as I haven't yet gotten wrinkles or grey hair. In my teens I was very thin and clumsy. In my twenties I became pretty. After children, my weight shot up.

I am with Nettletheelf here. You are not even 35 yet, so you can get your looks back.

You have gained weight. You can fix that. Change your lifestyle, get rid of the snacks, reduce -ban- the bread/chips/takeaway. Change your wardrobe, buy less but better Never eat in the street/walking/standing/in front of tv Eat plenty of carrot and sit 15 minutes per day in the sun whenever it appears. It will boost your vitamin D and give you a nice glow .

Be careful with the drinks, lattes, smoothies, sugary tea. walk. You can become the woman you want. Will it be easy, no, but not as hard as you think.

I am in my mid 40, so 10 years older than you, but I make an effort to maintain my figure and looks. No crazy beauty treatment, but being active, walking, and eating clean.

You can do it. You can totally do it. Start now

My god almost every woman I know looks better in their mid to late 30s than they did at 20.

By and large they've worked out what clothes, makeup and hair suit them, rather than buying what is cheap/ fashionable in Top Shop and they've lived a life any have something interesting to say. As Jean Brodie would have it op you're just entering your prime.

Just coming back to add that I definitely look (well certainly feel!) more attractive in my 50s than I did in my 30s and 40s when I was in the height of childcare and had no time to make an effort. I get people (yes men too) complimenting me which never used to happen. Maybe they just get more chivalrous as they get older!

My MIL is thinner and more glamorous than me. Gives me hope!

So, so hard. The only thing I will say is that you haven't "lost" your looks- You may not now think it's within your means, but you do have the power to lose weight if that is what you really want.

I'm pushing 50 and for the first time can see I'm losing my looks. I've lost that sexy glow, and nothing short of a tsunami of oestrogen will bring it back. Not even botox. Fatter people have younger looking faces.

as you were in church, maybe this will help:

Peter 3:3-4

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

a) 35 is not old
b) As you age (Shock, horror that awful word on MN - you'll be an old woman) if you're catrrying a bit of weight, you won't look so haggard as thinner women can sometimes look

But

c) try doing something interesting, satisfying, valuable, absorbing, difficult, selfless in your life so that your "looks" are neither here nor there. You sound far too invested in thinking that our "looks" determine your value. I find your OP really upsetting and sad that you as a full rich human being with imagination & life & talent, should limit the way you think about yourself.

That society has conditioned you to value yourself by your looks makes me angry with society, and sad for all the valuable energy that women waste in trying to be "beautiful".

Ageing is inevitable.
The alternative is worse (think about it).
The best way to deal with this is to value yourself for your character, your achievements, your relationships, your talents, your caring for others.

And for YOU yourself. Just that is enough.

Fatter people have fatter faces.

Thry don't look younger they look fat.

Op you are very young and you can loose weight. Eat less move more. Then get a good hair cut and colour and check your makeup is flattering you.

Maybe try not to be so shallow?

I think is pretty harsh to tell a woman not to be shallow about this issue.
Society tells us that we are our looks.
If we don't look young and thin we are irrelevant. Unless we fit into another acceptable stereotype.
You can be old but you have to be kindly and grey with sparkling eyes and a pinny.
You can be old but you have to have long grey hair, model cheek bones and wear ethnic jewelry and drive a VW
You can be old but be fiercely glamorous with very expensive clothes.

I would like all women to be comfortable with who they are and that is the ideal to work towards. Its not going to happen overnight is it?

OP the way you feel about your looks is directly connected to how you are feeling generally. Its easier to be happy with the way you look if you are not knackered, dehydrated, unfit and unhappy.

I really don't think your age is anything to do with 'losing your looks' perhaps you just need to make the best of yourself more?? My mum is turning 50 this month and is honestly beautiful! People do flirt with her and try to engage her in conversation and dounless glance at her and she's blissfully unaware! I find myself being protective of her and glaring at men gazing occasionally as she never notices herself!
Make the best of yourself,dress well for your shape,find some subtle make up that flatters you and the same with hair style and colour. Make the effort every day and you will begin to feel better about yourself.

As OP goes to church so maybe take heed to the bit in the bible about not worrying about appearances, the flowers are far more beautiful.

We always look at others with an over-flattering eye and ourselves over-critically. You probably don't look anywhere nearly as bad as you think you do.

Just try to look good for your age. Smart and appropriately dressed, there's no need to 'stay young' in an artificial way.

Like another poster said, I never had any looks to lose..so I might have liked to experience a few of your "good" years, just to know what that is like. One thing about being ugly though (and I mean myself by that) is that you do come to terms with the fact that we are far more than the sum total of our looks. We have to be, or else 99% of us will be on the scrapheap one day, and I refuse to accept that as a legitimate vision of humanity. The best thing you could do is just accept how you think you look now (I deliberately say think, because I am sure it's nowhere near as awful as you imagine) and get on with it and LIVE. If you don't you are going to spend a lot of years mourning what "was" , and wake up one day and realise you wasted them. Now THAT will be genuinely tragic.

I found the ages between about 40 and 52 really difficult. My body changed completely, it became much more difficult to shift weight, and my skin and hair completely changed too. I agree, it's about taking care of yourself and focusing on staying healthy. All the things people have suggested up thread, plus I found facial exercises really helped.

On the positive side, the way you take care of yourself from now on will really make a difference in the coming decades. Things you can get away with in your 20s and early 30s (not getting enough sleep, drinking too much, eating crap), you just can't anymore, unless you want it to show in your face/body. I have some friends at my age (mid 50s) who look as if they are in their late 60s and others who look much younger and could easily pass for early-mid 40s. It's partly genetics, yes, but much more to do with the way they've looked after themselves.

I also agree re. weight - I have a health condition that means I am sometimes quite underweight, and now I'm older I definitely look better when I weigh more.

Being comfortable in your own skin is more important than anything I think. I have been very tall since I was a young teenager so I had to come to terms with how "unusual" I looked early so I had to be body confident. I'm not classically good looking, I'm gangly and my hair can be inexplicable and I have an interesting way of dressing because finding stuff that fits is tough. And I'm 37. I don't turn heads (well, I do but that's because I'm 6ft tall) but people fall for me, they always have done, and I think that's because I'm happy with my looks, even if I wouldn't make people jealous at church.

You will never look as young as you do today so smile at people and make the most of it. Plus the orgasms get better and better.

OP I am 20 years older than you- losing my looks is not something I dwell on.

However I am a size 10 and go to 4 gym classes a week. I feel energetic and toned. My face is a little wrinkled, but I eat well, keep hydrated, my hair is glossy and well kept.
The physical flaws that come with age are more than offset against all the wonderful character development that comes with age.

OP.
I feel your pain.
Yes its just getting older but it still sucks.
At 37 i still have nice legs but my stomach permanently looks 6 months gone. My eyelids that are starting to sag down. I have many many greys on my head.
Back in my 20s if I looked ropey I'd just pile on the slap but if I do that now I look like a right ropey old slapper.
All you can do is not compare yourself to others and judge your good points. It's tough but it's true.
And people who look amazing probably spend hours preening and that will make them dull and shallow.

At least, that's what I tell myself.

I think is pretty harsh to tell a woman not to be shallow about this issue.
Society tells us that we are our looks.

Indeed - but I think that rather than passively accepting this, we - as women - should challenge society's shallowness by the vitality, energy & richness of our own lives.

And celebrate that by the time you get to your mid-fifties, you don't give a flying fuck what other people think.

It's a time to look forward to, not to dread!

I'm 34 and carrying more weight than in my twenties. I'll second what other posters have said about wrinkles. A couple of my thinner friends who are the same age look a good few years older than me due to wrinkles and tanning beds!

goatsfeet you're my kind of woman!