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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Regarding 'me time'

23 replies

Mrsglitterfairy · 14/05/2017 21:09

I think I may be being a little U but want to get some outside perspective.
DH and I both work full time although my hours are condensed so only do 4 days meaning I get all day thurs & fri to myself while the DCs are at school. DH picks them up from after school club when I'm working, gives them dinner, bedtime etc as I don't get home until around 8.30.
This weekend DCs are going to FIL's on Friday afterschool until Sunday evening for the first time ever. I said to DH I would try and get Saturday off work (I had previously arranged to finish at 2pm rather than 6) and use the last of my annual leave for it so we could spend the day together and he said he's rather I didn't. Said he wants some time to himself as he never gets it. Fair enough, he doesn't as usually I'm at work when he's at home so childcare & housework is left to him and if I'm not at work, he is.
I saw my arse was a bit off with him as I wanted to spend the day together. His argument is that we're going out for a meal Friday night, will have Saturday afternoon together, going out with friends sat night and then will have pretty much all of Sunday together and he just wanted a few hours to himself to watch the football and do the garden.
Aibu or is he?

OP posts:

C0untDucku1a · 14/05/2017 21:13

I dont think either of you are. But i can see why it would be important to
Him to have some down time.

Believeitornot · 14/05/2017 21:14

You are. You get two whole days a week during term time. That's so nice.

Let him have his time.

firsttimemum15 · 14/05/2017 21:16

I agree with PP but can see your OHs point.

crazypenguinlady · 14/05/2017 21:16

Ditto above. We all need downtime to ourselves, this is his.

sirfredfredgeorge · 14/05/2017 21:16

YABVU to be annoyed at all - he gets no time to himself, and said he'd rather you didn't - didn't even say NO - you have time to yourself, if he never does, then he almost certainly needs it. But in any case, he said he did, listen!

PurpleMinionMummy · 14/05/2017 21:17

Yanbu to want to spend more time with him but he is nbu to want some alone time. I'd let him have some time to himself as you're doing lots of other stuff together over the w/e.

YourDaughterHasATattoo · 14/05/2017 21:17

I can kind of see his POV here I'm afraid. It was a good suggestion of yours, but it's not as though you don't have time planned just the two of you and as a family. If he's anything like me he's really been looking forward to those few hours to himself - I rarely get time like that either and it's very precious to me!
You did ask him and he gave an honest answer - would you have preferred he kept schtum and been an arse on Saturday? . At least he feels comfortable telling you what he needs.

AShowerOfBastardsTed · 14/05/2017 21:20

YABU but seems like you know that.

MrsELM21 · 14/05/2017 21:21

Sounds like a completely fair request from him, I'm sure that you know that sometimes it's just really lovely to be completely alone, it doesn't mean you love anybody else any less

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 14/05/2017 21:21

He needs time off for himself. I think you are U as you even said it was fair enough as he never gets time to himself and you will be spending time with him on Sunday

Original poster

Mrsglitterfairy · 14/05/2017 21:23

Yep just what I thought, i am BU. I've not carried it on into an argument or anything, was just a little hurt. He does need some time to himself. It is lovely having those 2 days to me, mostly spent catching up on housework but I will also go shopping, meet friends etc.

OP posts:

Writerwannabe83 · 14/05/2017 21:23

You are.

Let him have some time to himself.

I love spending time with DH but at the same time I absolutely love being home alone and relish times when he's not around.

Don't take it personally OP.

MysweetAudrina · 14/05/2017 21:26

Let him have a bit of time to do his own thing. Sounds like he is always on the go. Sounds like you have a good weekend planned enjoy it.

Ariawyn · 14/05/2017 21:30

i work full time out of the home, and DP is a SAHP - i never get ANY time alone in the house (with 2 dc as wel)

my idea of heaven is when they are all out.... fucking love it!!

i love them, and love spending time with them, but there is something about an empty house

arethereanyleftatall · 14/05/2017 21:33

Yabu.
I can understand completely his side.
You get plenty of you time in your current set up, he gets none.

arethereanyleftatall · 14/05/2017 21:35

Also, going forward, could he permanently get some me time on a Thursday or Friday after work?

ILoveDolly · 14/05/2017 21:39

I think if he has said he wants some time alone as he rarely gets any then let him! It's just nice to be on your own a bit to potter around in the house.

Oly5 · 14/05/2017 21:45

Yabu. Let him have some time to himself.
Apologise and say he deserves it. Don't guilt trip him OP. Let him have a few hours on his own

Original poster

Mrsglitterfairy · 14/05/2017 21:51

He does often play football after work on a Thursday or Friday although this isn't set in stone.
I'm just going to go to work on Saturday and enjoy the rest of the time we have together.
He does deserve a break, you're all right

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 14/05/2017 21:53

Fab. Everyone's happy! Have a nice weekend.

sailorcherries · 14/05/2017 22:00

Yanbu to want to spend time with him.
He is nbu to want a few hours to himself.

You already have plans together for that weekend and you get some alone time on the Friday, allow him a couple of hours down time on the Saturday morning/early afternoon.

gojettersgo · 14/05/2017 22:04

Sounds great, and he will be in a fab mood, all rested and ready for a lovely weekend with you by the time you get home on Saturday.

DrCoconut · 15/05/2017 00:34

I have time in the house alone scheduled for a day in July. All kids at school or childminder, DH at work and no work for me It's so rare I can't remember the last occasion. So I'd be inclined to give your DH his me time.

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