AIBU to think my MIL is insensitive?

[HeleenC]

4 years ago I gave birth to boy-girl twins at 27 weeks. My boy became very ill and after 2 months and 4 surgeries he passed away. I had my rainbow baby 3 years later. My MIL seem to have forgotten about my son. She never speak of him. On the 2 year anniversary of his passing she told me that I muststop doing things to remember and honour him on his birthday and day of his passing. Last week she bought clothes for my youngest daughter and his surviving twin sister. She bought matching clothes for the girls and told the surviving twin "Now you and sissie are twins". AIBU to think this is incredibly insensitive?

Your mother in law is insensitive and ypu should of course continue to remember and love your son and brother. I am so sorry for your loss and wish you and your family so much love.

What a bitch, she has no right to tell you how to grieve or how to remember your son. Tell her to fuck off. I had twins and 7 weeks in my boy twin got meningitis and nearly died, we were extremely lucky, no doubt about it. That was almost 3 years ago and my stomach still twists and I feel actual pain in my heart when I think about what happened, so I can't imagine what it must be like for you. Don't let her interfere in your grief. Remember him how you want and just don't engage her in these conversations. She is a bint of the highest order! So sorry for your loss OP

2 years ago, not 3!

I am so sorry for your loss.

I understand the pain you're going through.

My sister had twin girls five years ago in March. One was stillborn. My sister and our family was understandably devastated.

She had to bury her child when her twin was in neonatal.

The following February - 11 months later - she give birth to her third daughter. (Her second live dd) so you can imagine the amount of comments she has received asking if the girls are twins... it hurts her like hell.

People who don't know what happened can be forgiven a little, but your MIL was super insensitive. I'm sorry x

I am very sorry for your loss.

Your mil is being wrong and being insensitive. Perhaps she thinks you should deal with the death differently because of how she believes she would deal with it. Perhaps she saw older family members dealing with the death of a child differently when she was a child. Or perhaps she thinks you are damaging your children in some kind of morbid obsession. Whatever her motives, it is your choice to deal with your pain your way. The twins comment may have been her clumsy attempt to console your surviving twin dd and if she thinks you have have a morbid obsession, she may see it as a way to counter your behaviour.

Whatever the reason, she is wrong and your dh needs to sit down and talk with her as she is massively overstepping the boundaries.

That is very insensitive OP. I'm sorry your MIL is behaving that way. My DS is also a twin. His brother was stillborn. Absolutely anything can trigger a reaction from me, and if someone had said that to me I would have gone mad. Sadly some people don't like to be reminded of people that have passed. My own mum had a stillborn, after she had me, and never speaks of her. I only know of her because when my own DS was stillborn she told my sister. She likes to forget about it. I am currently pregnant, with another boy, and my mum stated that I will now have two boys. I corrected her, and told her actually il have three. Could you get your OH to speak to your MIL, or even have a word with her yourself? It's not appropriate, and she needs pulling up on it.

❤️ OP

I'm sorry about your little boy, OP.

Your MIL is being awful and cruel. Nobody has a right to tell a grieving parent that it's time to move on. I imagine that's not something a parent can ever fully do.

My friend's baby died at six weeks old. 12 years later we still mention her, and she is remembered every year on her birthday and the day she sadly died. TBH, I'd be a little shocked if my friend and her DH ever stopped remembering their DD, at least on her birthday.