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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH only wants me for holidays?

11 replies

SadEyedPete · 14/05/2017 09:47

I've long since suspected that DH only wants to be with me because we travel well together. His ex wife just wanted to go Majorca every year as she hated travelling whereas I like an adventure. So does DH. Since we've been together (5 years) we've been to Dublin, Barcelona, New York (twice), Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Venice, Thailand and Paris. When we're on holiday, we're great together but thinking about it, that seems to be all we live for. At home we rarely have sex (and if we do it's me that has to initiate it), we don't do anything together unless I really push for it, he moans constantly and over reacts to everything (like a little thing last week where I said I'd lend DS money for a train for work related training) instead of just saying he didn't agree with me and could we discuss it he rattled on and on for ages about how I was "breaking him" and "doing him in" and "depressed" it makes him etc etc !! One time he had put jools holland on when I was about to watch something else so I mentioned to him that I was about to watch something before he turned it over so he went off saying he would forfeit his passion for music but I was breaking his heart etc!!! Just no need for the drama.

Anyway on holiday last week I joked "we're good together arnt we!" (It was a daft comment relating to the fact that we'd had the same idea on something) and he replied "yeah, we're good travel companions". I was a bit Hmm and said "is that all you see us as? Travel companions?" And he backtracked and said he hadn't meant it like that and we are a good marriage etc

AIBU to think he just confirmed what I'd been thinking about how he sees our relationship?

OP posts:
B3ingB3ige · 14/05/2017 10:24

What do you want to do when you are not on holiday, do you work ?

What would make you happy ?

Can you do some of the below on your own or together ?

Do you make each other laugh ?

Do you go out for meals ?

Do you go to cinema / theatre ?

Do you do hobbies ?

Do you do sport ?

Do you go out places together ?

TheStoic · 14/05/2017 10:27

AIBU to think he just confirmed what I'd been thinking about how he sees our relationship?

YANBU. I think he said exactly what he meant.

MysweetAudrina · 14/05/2017 10:31

Some people find day to day living stressful and it's only when they get away from it all that they can unwind and be themselves. I have a busy life, work, college, 5 kids and dh the same. We can both get tired and ground down a bit with daily life. When we go away without the daily pressures we are like 2 different people and we get a chance to see each other without the strains of daily life. Its those memories that often keep us going through times when we are both stressed. I think it's good that when you are away you get on so well. Do you have more sex when you are away? We normally do because we have more time, energy and opportunity.

RubyGoat · 14/05/2017 10:36

You've had 9 fairly expensive sounding holidays in 5 years. Who pays for them? You, him or do you share the cost?

What do you do together when yoy aren't on holiday / planning your next one? Does he make you happy, make you laugh, make you feel safe & supported?

If you get on well on holiday but not so much the rest of the time, that's a bit worrying & not really enough to base a marriage on, IMHO. Especially if you feel you (& your DS) are not happy the rest of the time.

VeryButchyRestingFace · 14/05/2017 10:38

Certain details from your post put me strongly in mind of the "relationship" my father has with his bidie in.

But unless you have changed certain details in your post, you are not she.

In his case though, I can confirm he is only with the poor woman for ease of living arrangements and the fact it's mutually beneficial cost wise for going on frequent holidays.

He also speaks about her with utter contempt, denies that they're anything but "flatmates" whilst allowing her to keep house/do his ironing etc.

She is not you (yet) but I feel sorry for her.

highinthesky · 14/05/2017 11:02

Time to see this relationship for what it is. Sounds like the asshole is a prime user.

The past is in the past, but on the bright side you've had lovely travel experiences. You deserve someone who values you.

highinthesky · 14/05/2017 11:04

You have a DS? Is there any chance that DH sees your marriage as one that is mutually convenient?

TupperwareTat · 14/05/2017 11:07

I dont think I would hang around if I were you.

IDismyname · 14/05/2017 11:22

I have a similar scenario going on here, atm...

Nothing to do with travel, but all to do with a marriage that isn't right, and DH saying stuff that (sort of) gives the game away from his point of view. Ironically, it was said during a holiday when we were supposed to be de-stressing!

Its difficult to workout if they really mean it - and if so, what to do.

All I can say is that you have my sympathies Flowers

Opheliasgoldenwine · 27/12/2017 15:28

Did this all start over a certain shirt, @SadEyedPete?

Pfftkids · 27/12/2017 15:30

Book a long rental (50 years give or take) on a holiday villa..........problem solved

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