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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp is mad cause I work a lot....aibu?

58 replies

SugarnetMum · 14/05/2017 02:03

We used to get to spend a lot of time together, everyday, every night etc.. He doesn't work (doesn't bother IMO) he gets disability , I work 2 jobs. We have no kids. I've always been keen for work.
were going on holiday so I wanted extra spending money, so iv been working everyday lately, long shifts like 12-11 pm. Wrecked when I get home, etc...we've started growing apart and bickering the whole time obviously pushing us apart.

I'm leaving the 2nd job..
Is he being unreasonably to get down my throat? He's only hating me going to work constantly cause IMO he's bored cause he doesn't have work of his own. I'm happy having 2 jobs but don't want us to grow apart, want to spend more time with him so leaving..I love him so much but hope I don't start resenting him for not having his own life , waiting for me at home constantly..

He has no physical disability. Had a mental one years ago...

OP posts:
Reow · 14/05/2017 15:01

How on earth does he pay his way?

How old is he?

Original poster
SugarnetMum · 14/05/2017 15:06

Eben if he is lazy, that's none of my concern as far as it goes I do my bit, work etc he does his bit I'm okay with that, its his problem if he's bored.

He's better with his money than me , so when he gets benefits and some extra money from trading accounts ( a few year long hobby) it goes further than mine would ,

So the both of us split the holiday even, I don't pay for more than he does, it works out even always.

Plenty of couples one works and the other doesn't, that's not the concern, I'm just wondering would we really outgrow eaxhother if I was constantly working. 6\7 days most weeks , 12-10... I think so so that is why I'm leaving the second job.

OP posts:
Reow · 14/05/2017 15:08

He gets benefits for not working but doesn't have a physical or mental disability?

lalalalyra · 14/05/2017 15:15

Tbh I think any relationship would struggle if one party was working 12 hours a day 7 days a week.

And for you - surely you are exhausted? You need time off. Everyone needs time off. Nobody should be working 12 hours a day 7 days a week for any sustained length of time.

Don't give up your job "for him" but think about what he's saying. Is he right? Some people do work too much and end up ill and burnt out because they don't realise they are doing too much.

You don't sound convinced by his reasons for claiming benefits. Is that because you don't think he's sick enough to merit them? If so your relationship is doomed imo. You either think your partner is a lazy liar or you don't understand/repsect his health conditions - neither is conducive to a good relationship imo.

LedaP · 14/05/2017 15:26

Of course him being lazy is your concern. Its clear it bothers you.

How can you respect someone who claims benefits that shouldnt be and is lazy, while complaining you work too much?

Those things are reallu damaging to a realstionship.

Original poster
SugarnetMum · 14/05/2017 15:31

I also claim benefits while working.

So can't really attack him tbh.

OP posts:
LedaP · 14/05/2017 15:35

You fraudently claim benefits and work on the side? And you think thats ok?

Yeah ok then.

FoxyRoxy · 14/05/2017 15:37

Are you entitled to claim those benefits or is this a post started by someone at the daily fail because it's a slow news day... Hmm

Oldraver · 14/05/2017 15:40

Are you looking to wind people up, as you've hit all the right buttons

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/05/2017 15:41

You claim benefits you're not entitled to. Is that correct? You're made for eachother. You should be happy as a pig in shit.

Reow · 14/05/2017 15:41

Hang on you work 12h days full time and claim benefits?

I'm lost.

Why does he claim benefits?

PurpleMinionMummy · 14/05/2017 15:51

Lots of people work and are still entitled to benefits.

I think if you're working long shifts every day it's bound to impact on your relationship.

Softkitty2 · 14/05/2017 15:52

What's he offering in the relationship? He needs a part time job atleast to occupy his time

Dozer · 14/05/2017 16:04

He sounds like a total loser. couples without DC usually both work.

Sounds like he doesn't actually qualify for disability benefits so will likely (rightly) lose those.

If you had DC with him in future and he was primary carer, and you broke up, he would likely get more time with the DC and you would be subsidising this.

Dozer · 14/05/2017 16:04

In-work benefits are not the same.

BluePeppers · 14/05/2017 16:15

Being in the other side. DH away a lot (both because of work no because of his hobbies).
I'm sorry but the first thing that came in my nd was that he just didn't really want to spend time with me.

And reading your OP where you are worried to get resentful of not being able to work, I very much read that you don't want to spent time time with him.
I mean, you're not talking about a job with longer hours. You are talking both being out all day, coming back at 11.00pm. When are you spending time together??
And if you really wanted to spend time with him, your I would have stopped the second job wo being asked?

BluePeppers · 14/05/2017 16:18

Look at it in another way
How much time at the weekend do you have together? A day maybe less (working 6/7 days a week)
How much time do you have together in the evenings? A couple of hours at most after working 12 )hours so being tired.

And you are wondering why you are growing apart?

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/05/2017 16:18

You both claim benefits you aren't entitled to?

Relationship made in heaven.

ImperialBlether · 14/05/2017 16:22

More likely a relationship made under a bridge.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/05/2017 16:23

@ImperialBlether Grin

umberellaonesie · 14/05/2017 16:24

You can work and claim benefits.
This attitude that if you work you are not entitled to state support is ridiculous.
If you work and are poor or disabled you can still claim.

PoisonousSmurf · 14/05/2017 16:28

I sincerely hope that he does ALL the cooking and housework in your home! Sounds like he needs a kick up the backside if he doesn't!
No wonder people are becoming angry at the disabled.

PoisonousSmurf · 14/05/2017 16:31

And the OP needs to get a proper job with normal hours. Who works until 11pm? Unless it's in the caring industry?

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/05/2017 16:32

In response to those, who say you can employed people can get benefits, I get that. Op says she claims benefit while working so she can't attack him. The insinuation there surely is that she's claiming benefits she's not entitled to, surely? We await to see if she'll come back.

SnickersWasAHorse · 14/05/2017 16:38

Lots of people work until 11 pm. Waiters, call centre staff, nurses, taxi drivers.....

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