To want some love...

[BassMama]

This will sound SUPER egotistical, and supermean to most mumsnetters, i know. And from MN experience, i do expect to be shot down, so feel free, i am ready.

I am generally shrouded (no point being modest when i am anonymous!) with interest from men, partly due to my job, and partly due to the fact that i am very attractive (again, not going to get all modest, you dont know me!)

I am fed up with being treated like a fucking sex object by men. I would like to meet one that treats me with some goddamn respect and stops seeing me as a way to get one up on their mates because 'they got me'. I am forever listening to guys that i am with saying 'oh I cant wait to tell the lads about this, they'll be so jealous!' etc and i get so depressed.. its really not like i put myself about!

I am NOT one to sleep around, in fact quite the opposite. I have only EVER slept with guys that I really like.

So.. please tell me there are some othere MNers that can give me some support, i am not looking to piss folk off. I am feeling very down about it right now as I am having BIG issues with a couple of guys so PLEASE dont shoot me down!

Surely there are some women (or men!) out there that can understand where I am coming from?

Bass Mama I don't know, I've never had that, but I am sure no one will shoot you down for sharing a problem. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and I hope you find someone who does.

I'm sure there will be someone along soon with some proper advice.

Why do they treat you as a sex object? Do you act sexily and dress that way? Where do you meet these men?

Tell us more. Is it possible that you're just not meeting the right sort of men in the right sort of places?

What is your job?

How many guys have you slept with? Sounds like you have a reputation even if you don't sleep around.

Best to establish a friendship with a guy if that is the case, rather than a sexual relationship. If he is interested in more than just sex with you then he is worthy to get to know you better. Set higher standards and the issues with guys giving you sexist shite will diminish.

Thanks for the replies everyone.

It's not that i have a reputation as such, its just that the VAST majority of my friends are guys, therefore i tend to spend all my time with guys.

I always establish friendships with guys first! I have never slept with a guy that i didnt know, really well.

I do dress nicely in general, as in im not a jeans and t shirt kind of girl, i tend to wear skirts and dresses a lot of the time, but its not exactly miniskirts and knee hight boots! I think the attention comes generally from the way that I look.

I am a musician and i also work in a bar so i am generally surrounded by men.

The thing is, these guys ARE my friends! its just that they see me as some kind of 'competition' for them to see who can get me.

I should have pointed out - in the group that i am talking about, there are about 15 of us, and i am the only girl. I have only slept with ONE of these guys (we were seeing each other for a few months last year) and kissed a further 2. This is over the course of 2 years that we have been hanging out as a group.

These are all between 29 and 40 so they aren't exactly young lads! They are nice, decent, stand up guys. I dont know how to put it without sounding crass, but they are not 'chav' types in the slightest! (its not all of them by the way, some are married!)

I just feel like i dont get the respect i deserve from them as they are all too busy trying to get me to be their girlfriend!

I know - i could get new friends.. but its not that easy as this is people i see through work.

I'm afraid you are being unreasonable because you obviously haven't come to the same realistaion that i finally have that men and women are fundamentally different and as far as friendships and relationships between us go, we are light-years ahead, they're still basically cave-men ruled by the contents of their pants.

I used to think i had good male friends and over the years they've all disappointed me by either trying it on or admitting they've always had a thing for me. I've ended up losing female friends as they think I'm some sort of threat and i wouldn't touch their men with a barge-pole but it doesn't matter because they think you've got some sort of power over them or something.

Basically, if you're friends with a man, you're single and relatively attractive, deep down, they think you're 'up for it' or will be eventually. Sad but true.

Mumo7 - spot on!

Women wont be my friend, and I have come to realise over the years that they are generally jealous.

Without sounding ridiculously big headed - I am very attractive, and generally quite 'sexy' looking (kind of look a bit like angelina jolie) I am also great fun and a massive party girl, so other women find this a threat i guess, whereas men see it as an attractive quality.

So, i should just give up now, relegate myself to having NO friends?!

''I used to think i had good male friends and over the years they've all disappointed me by either trying it on or admitting they've always had a thing for me. I've ended up losing female friends as they think I'm some sort of threat and i wouldn't touch their men with a barge-pole but it doesn't matter because they think you've got some sort of power over them or something.''

THIS is exactly what I was trying to say!
Thank you!

It's when you're not looking for love, unavailable for some reason or another that "the one" seems to turn up.

Stop looking and maybe it will happen....

I know it can be much more fun to have male friends than female friends,as this was me before I met my DH. Now all the male friends are married and we all get along great with each other's spouses and children.

From what you have been saying, I think was fortunate that I was overweight and too desperate for male attention for any of them to see me sexually . I was mor of the little sister .

However a decade on I am pleased that we have only ever been friends, the one I did kiss, actually became a bit of a loner and has since moved far far away (did I cause that...who cares - he was a self loving little sod anyway)!

FWIW, if I was with a guy who started to comment on how he would brag about me to his mates I would walk away, but not before telling him why!

Men can be complete a-holes, please dont get depressed about it! You really need to find a good friend - perhaps simialr to yourself in looks etc - so there's no competition, and team up and take the buggers on at thier own game.

Good luck
XX

PS - I am on your side, just sometimes crap at saying stuff in writing when I have lots I want to communicate!

get yourself to some toddler groups and make some more girl friends, good for little one too !

you have a kissed/slept with 20% of your male friend group already, time to get new one's !

Its not like they 'brag' about me in that sense - its more that if i go out for dinner or to the pub (obviously platonically) they make comments like 'ah X will be jealous that your out with me tonight!'

Its not bragging in a sexual way, that i think i may have made it sound. Its more about who gets to spend time with me.

Like i said - these are guys that i work with, so can't just 'get new friends'.

Dont really have time/interest in toddler groups - DS goes to one with my CM so he gets the benefits, but i am too busy to fit more things in really! And i do try to have girl friends, but they always seem not to want to get too close. Even ones who in my opinion are prettier than me. I really have tried as its nice to have female company.

my dh claims that blokes are only ever "friends" with woman they want to shag.

Looking back at my "friends" I would have to agree. Incidentally i only have close woman friends now i am older married and a bit heavier therefore less threatening. At your age i was a knockout also in a jolie stylee.

I am also far less of an arse, this may or may not have something to do with it.

did you try jo jingles btw?

(Not tried jo jingles yet - only because i got gigs two weeks in a row on the days it was on - both involved daytime setups)

I know what you mean, but I do have quite a few male friends who do not want to shag me! and not just the married ones!

So why cant all men be like that!!

I think there's such a thing as girl's girls and guy's girls. And you just might be the latter. If you're going to be a guy's girl you'll just have to put up with the flirtation and piss-taking(which is honestly what the "so and so will be jealous" sounds like to me). If you didn't on some level like it, you wouldn't do what you do (for work) or you'd find more opportunities to hang out with women.

I always slightly worry about women who say other women don't like them because they're "jealous" of their looks. That's a crock of shit if you ask me. Some of my friends are more attractive than me; I am more attractive than some of them. But that has nothing to do with why we are friends - we have stuff that goes deeper than that.

Men may be interested in hanging out with you because you dress sexy and are nice looking, women will be interested in hanging out with you because you make them laugh or are a good listener. We're certainly not wildly impressed by beautiful girls who know it.

Maybe you've been hanging out with the guys so long that you've not learnt how to relate to the girls. I have met women like that - great fun on a night out, rubbish on a night in.

And if you're happy with the status quo, be happy with it. If not, see what changes you can make to your life to redress the balance!

They're not your friends. They're hanging on and hoping for pussy. Find some new friends.

2007 zombie thread. Again.