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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want my SIL's parents to my birthday get together

41 replies

FoofooLeSnoo · 13/05/2017 17:21

I'm planning a small get together for my birthday, just my parents, siblings and their families. I would like to invite the in laws, however the problem is my BIL and SIL live with her parents, therefore the whole lot end up coming. We've got a tiny house so It just seems a bit much really that they come as a package these days. Why can't I just have BIL, SIL and their kids without the in laws. I feel it's a bit rude too, or am I being a misery? I do like them and they have been invited to our bigger parties before but I just wanted to keep it small this time.
DH thinks I'm being unreasonable and we've had a row about it!

OP posts:

OnTheRise · 13/05/2017 18:25

Invite them by phone or text or email, and before they respond apologise for not being able to invite the parents in law too. If they object, tell them there just isn't enough space in your house for everyone, but perhaps your SIL could arrange something at her house for another day if they feel left out.

AvoidingCallenetics · 13/05/2017 18:27

If you don't want sil's parents to come, then you are going to have to find the confidence to say so. If sil asks and you agree then you are giving her the impression that it is okay.
It's not rude to say that you want to keep it small or just to your family. They are probably people who think of you all as one big family and have forgotten that actually sil's parents are nothing to do with you really. But if you say nothing, it will just carry on indefinitely.

As an aside, I don't think you should be arguing with your dh over it. Or rather, he shouldn't be arguing with you - it's your birthday so you get to choose the guests.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 13/05/2017 18:27

Can you say it's an Anne Summers party???

incogKNEEto · 13/05/2017 18:31

Did you not read the title of the thread Catrina? It's not difficult to understand or unclear.

I don't see why you should have SIL's parents just because you are inviting your actual in laws (BIL & SIL) but you will need to be firm if she asks if her parents can come.

AnathemaPulsifer · 13/05/2017 18:36

SIL is rather forthright and is very likely to say "oh, is it ok if my parents come?"

Surely you don't need to be particularly assertive to say "oh no, this time I just want to keep it small so just you and the kids"?

diddl · 13/05/2017 18:36

Don't invite & if they ask tell them why-that she always wants to bring her mum & dad along!

Shakirasma · 13/05/2017 18:41

SIL is rather forthright and is very likely to say "oh, is it ok if my parents come?"

Just say " can they not on this occasion? It's just a small, intimate get together and I'd like to keep it as just my and DH's close families"

ThouShallNotPass · 13/05/2017 18:42

I understood the post. It's clear you're not calling your husband's brother's wife's parents in-laws.
Personally I would tell DH's brother and his wife that you would like them to come but as it is a family do, it wouldn't be appropriate for SIL's parents to come. How bloody weird is that anyway? A full grown adult bringing her parents to a party uninvited?

My own sister has little to do with MY in-laws and I've never met hers at all (they're not married yet so no cause for meeting so far)
I certainly wouldn't invite my MIL to one of my family member's birthdays.

Shakirasma · 13/05/2017 18:42

Oh and your post was perfectly clear to me OP

BuckinghamLass · 13/05/2017 18:54

SIL is rather forthright and is very likely to say "oh, is it ok if my parents come?"

That is bizarre! I'd feel so awkward being invited by proxy to a party.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 13/05/2017 19:04

Sil are you not a bit old to have your dps attend a party with you??

Pallisers · 13/05/2017 19:12

However, SIL is rather forthright and is very likely to say "oh, is it ok if my parents come?" I'm not very assertive so I'd end up having to say yes!

You'll have to suck it up and say "Actually it is just close family - maybe another time". If she has the balls to ask (and it is pretty rude imo to invite your parents along) then she runs the risk of being told no.

Your posts were perfectly clear. your SIL is odd - imagine doing everything with your parents. I'd go off my head, and I liked my parents.

Also the pp whose in laws went along to everything - I love seeing my kids interact with each other independently of me and can't wait for the day when they will do things together without us.

ThouShallNotPass · 13/05/2017 20:25

You'll have to suck it up and say "Actually it is just close family - maybe another time".

^This. Except change close family to just, family. SIL's parents aren't your family at all. They're your in-law's relatives, not yours.

GoodDayToYou · 13/05/2017 20:31

I've been having a bit of a rethink. Life's hard and you really can't have enough friends. OP, you said you like them so, why not invite them? But, I would send them their own, separate invitation.

Just an idea.

Staypuff · 13/05/2017 22:25

Your sil sounds really clingy to her parents. You should definitely be assertive and say no. The more you do, the easier it gets.

FrenchMartiniTime · 13/05/2017 22:33

That's really weird on your SIL's part!

Do they do everything together? Shopping? Holidays?

Odd

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