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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to move the family to the south of France

25 replies

Natalie1673 · 13/05/2017 16:43

A bit of background dh is of French descent and is from the area around Nice but has been in the Uk for over 20 years.

I suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) when it is winter I become depressed and have to go on anti depressants. It caused me extreme anxiety after bank holiday weekend. I can't stand winter! Summer relieves the symptoms but tbh uk weather can feel like each season in every month. I have tried a sun lamp but it just doesn't do it.

All dh needs for work is a computer and he is fluent in French and I'd be more than willing to learn.

If we were to move it would mean the dc going to international school for a couple years until they go to uni. We have 3 kids together dh son (my stepson who is with us full time) who is 16 and my twins who are both 16. They are all doing GCSE's at the moment so would move before a levels start.

It is not so far from family we are in south east and most of my family are in northern Scotland so far already.

Aibu

OP posts:
sunshinesupermum · 13/05/2017 16:47

No, you're not being unreasonable at all. Go for it.

There are loads of flights from Cannes back to the UK and as your dh is French you can become a French citizen if/when Brexit takes place. I'd go like a shot. Your children will gain from living in a different country even if they moan about it at first and can always come back to the UK for uni in a couple of years. Best of luck!

allegretto · 13/05/2017 16:51

What do your kids think? Do they have French citizenship?

Original poster
Natalie1673 · 13/05/2017 16:54

Dh son has French citizenship and despite being half French didn't take it for GCSE. My children don't have it as dh isn't there father. There dad is not in their lives. I assume me being married would mean they had a right to stay after Brexit.

Brexit is another reason as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
Natalie1673 · 13/05/2017 16:56

Oh I haven't brought it up with kids. Dh said that he wouldn't be against it but he said about the practicality of it e.g. Moving our stuff etc.

OP posts:
allegretto · 13/05/2017 16:59

I assume me being married would mean they had a right to stay after Brexit
Not necessarily. Maybe you could rent your house out rather than selling up and see how it goes? I would have hated it at 16 though!

allegretto · 13/05/2017 17:00

It is also very isolating to live somewhere you dont speak the language.

Katmeifyoucan · 13/05/2017 17:07

I wouldn't do it until the kids go to uni. It would be very hard for them at 16

LordRothermereBlackshirtCunt · 13/05/2017 17:09

Re. returning to the UK for university, you need to check the residency rules for fees status. And bear in mind that in two years time, those currently classed as EU students may well be treated as Overseas students.

LightYears · 13/05/2017 17:15

How will your children manage their A levels when they don't speak French.

LightYears · 13/05/2017 17:17

*sorry just noticed international school.

DrHarleenFrancesQuinzel · 13/05/2017 17:23

I love that area and me and DH have whiled away the time while in the south of France about living there etc. Last time we were there we even picked up a couple of house buying brochure things. But ours are pipe dreams.

Of course YANBU if that is what you want.

Regarding student loans they would have to prove that the move to outside the UK was a temporary move and for a purpose. Such as a temporary job, or gap year. They would have to prove that there was always the intention to move back to the UK. This is how it stands now for UK nationals, which is what they will be if they have a UK passport. Im not too sure of the complete rules of student loans, but know a bit. You have to jump through a few hoops if you haven't lived in the UK for the full 3 years before the start of the course. I dont know the full rules and I may be wrong, but please look into it first and dont assume that they can come back to the UK and go to Uni with a student loan.

Also isn't the airport in Nice? That's where we fly to/from every year. Love Cannes though, but we'd move to Frejus near the harbour if we did move out there.

Im so envious of you even considering it. My favourite place on earth.

Birdsgottaf1y · 13/05/2017 17:26

The only people's opinion that matters are your children's.

My Son In Laws Mum did similar, he now lives here and hates his Mother for going and staying were she is. He was 14. He'll never forgive her.

Your children may not gain anything positive from living in a different country.

Find out how Brexit may effect you.

You've then got to work out how you would manage the move. Then ask them and be willing to listen to all of them.

It depends on how close you are and how you want your relationship to go in the future, some people are happy to just be in minimal contact with their Adult children and not see much of their Grandchildren.

neonrainbow · 13/05/2017 17:41

What do your children gain from a move?

Happyfeet1972 · 13/05/2017 17:41

I agree you need to see what your children think. Personally I think moving when they're 16 is likely to be the wrong time...high school to a levels is a big enough transition as it is without moving abroad away from your friends and if I was them I'd think, "couldn't you just have waited 2 more years and then you can move wherever you want '. But if they're not against it, then why not.

AnathemaPulsifer · 13/05/2017 17:46

I think it's a pretty brutal thing to do to 16 year-olds. Can't you hang on a couple more years?

Humphriescushion · 13/05/2017 17:48

We moved to the south of France when dd was 16 - she was not keen, but loved every minute of it and it has been the making of her - often talks about what a difference it has made for her. However it is something to consider carefully and would only have done it if she could have coped with the A levels/IB and if there was an international school ( which cost a fortune!)

alteredimages · 13/05/2017 18:00

I would be pretty hesitant with three 16 year olds in the mix.

Please bear in mind that International School is completely different from schools in the UK, even if they offer an English curriculum. Unless they are very keen and clued up about what it is like to live in a country where they don't speak the language, I wouldn't do it. My kids are much younger but at the international schools we have seen, being trilingual is the norm and a monolingual child might feel quite left out.

Would boarding in the UK be an option for them while you and your DH move?

Birdsgottaf1y · 13/05/2017 18:04

Also does your DH Son have contact with his Mum/Nan/Cousins?

That makes a big difference.

annandale · 13/05/2017 18:07

A similarly timed move somewhere else due to job requirements went well for a member of my family with a 17 year old, though I don't think it was at all easy for her or in fact any of them. However, the 17 year old threw herself into it and gained fluency in another language and a lot of maturity, not to mention a big circle of friends and widened horizons. I think it was hardest on the older child who went to university in the UK just as they moved and I think suffered a bit from having less support around.

Ultimately I think at 16 you have to allow them a veto on this, or at least some red lines. I would say they would include the international school, city living, the easiest possible links back to the UK (does it have to be Nice? What about Avignon?) see what they say.

CookieDoughKid · 13/05/2017 18:07

I'd wait for 2 years and go after they have their uni places.

eurochick · 13/05/2017 19:16

I'd also wait two years. I think the move would be too disruptive at 16.

heron98 · 13/05/2017 19:28

YANBU to consider it but the winters in the South of France aren't that warm!

HildaOg · 13/05/2017 19:32

It's the worst time to move them. Wait til they're at university/working.

Leeds2 · 13/05/2017 19:33

I'd wait for two years, which really isn't long, and get all three established at uni/in jobs here. Then look at it again. I wouldn't personally spring a move like this upon them now.

khajiit13 · 13/05/2017 19:42

I wouldn't even consider it until the kids have finished school tbh

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