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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get so annoyed by MIL

19 replies

ArtfulAardvark · 14/03/2007 21:18

We took her out for a meal and I have had to bite my lip so much

  1. DS 1 - age 6 - kept burping really loudly in the restaurant, I told him nicely that it really wasnt polite or acceptable (and really isnt how he usually behaves) and she said "better out than in" and kept laughing. So of COURSE he just did it more & more.
  1. I then pointed out that he should be eating with his knife & fork rather than with his fingers she said "oh fingers were invented long before knives & forks"
  1. She was sitting in the back with the children & I requested that she put on her seat belt. She replied "oh I will just hold it across myself" so, despite having told her this previously, I pointed out to her that if we had an accident she would fly forward then probably back potentially injuring/killing my children in the process.

PHEW feels SO much better to get that off my chest!

OP posts:
MadameSleepsLessAndLess · 14/03/2007 21:24

what does you dh say about this?

mckenzie · 14/03/2007 21:28

re points 1 and 2 I'd just bite my tongue.
re point 3 either she put her belt on or she got out of my car. No ifs and no buts.

LowFatMilkshake · 14/03/2007 21:33

As someone pointed out to me MIL's are just there to annoy you! However with regards to the seat belt thing - that is unacceptable! She needs to set her GC a good example and not atually create a dangerous situation for them!

Agree with McKenzie - turf her out of the car if she wont buckle up!

Or find a policeman and pull up beside him and point out MIL is not wearing a seat belt. As a responsible adult she is liable for an on-the-spot fine!

Original poster
ArtfulAardvark · 14/03/2007 21:38

Mckenzie - thats exactly what I did, if it happened regularly then I would HAVE to do something as his behaviour does ultimately reflect on MY parenting but I can pull him up on it when shes not around.

I cannot BELIEVE I have to keep having the seat belt conversation with her though.

DH on the whole either doesnt notice or pretends not to notice.

She did buy toys from one of those machines in the pub and DS1 was unhappy with what he had so was pushing for her to buy another. I said no and in fact DH said no too so she said "next time"

Dont get me wrong I dont mind her treating the children but they start to get ungrateful if they are bombarded with a constant flow of presents.

OP posts:
quanglewangle · 15/03/2007 00:26

My mil used to hold the seat belt across herself (dh allowed her to ).

But why? I could never understand it - so much easier to fasten it and let the clunk-click bit hold it for her.

I used to make her fasten it properly

SittingBull · 15/03/2007 00:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

superloopy · 15/03/2007 00:44

I sometimes wonder if I did something bad in a past life to get my MIL but I can't thin of anything that bad!!!!!

They are sent her to test us (or be killed I'm just not sure which one yet)!!

My MIL is a control freak pita!! Constantly buying DD crappy big presents and ugly too big clothes. We live in a 1 bedroom flat and are about to move to Australia so the extra crap is not welcome or wanted!! The thing is tho she is alays mentioning how small our place is and how little storage we have!! Grrr stop filling it up then!!!

Plus in the past 6 months I have had 3 major events, got pregnant, had a M/C at 13 wks after telling everyone I was pregnant and now moving to Australia. She has not said a word to me about any of these!! The worst bit is that after my M/C she told everyone else in the family not to say anything to me about it and I can tell you now they haven't breathed a word!!

She hasn't said a word to me about moving to the other side of the world, our flat sale, where we are moving to or anything else. We do see her often too. Icing on the cake is that she called DH at work in tears saying that as she wasn't going to see us for our birthdays this year she wanted to take us to Disneyland Paris for 3 days. Can't really say no can I?? So on Friday we are on the train to Disney..... Plus SIL,BIL and niece. SIL is a mini MIL.

I'd rather spend 3 days at the dentist!! I just have to focus on my DD having a good time and act my arse off!! I have to keep thinking that we are ging to move to the other side of the world soon......

And breath out.... Rant over...Thank you for your time!!

Stigaloid · 15/03/2007 15:24

I don't start the engine until all seat belts are firmly in place. I would have just sat there for however long it takes for her to belt up. It's against the law and she is setting a bad example.

I'd also be annoyed by the first 2. You are the parent and trying to teach your children good manners when eating out in public. Fair enough if you were at home but you need to teach your child ettiquette when it comes to eating in public and your MIL is undermining your role as a parent. Eating with fingers is not acceptable in a restaurant, nor is burping. I'd say to her, i understand your desire to be their friend as well as their grandparent, however you need her support as a parent so could she please be a bit more supportive.

i would also ask DH to back you up on this front. You are meant to be a team.

mylittlestar · 15/03/2007 15:36

at your MIL!

and lol at rather spend 3 days at the dentist!!

just enjoy disney with the children - they will adore it i'm sure. and be glad you're moving to the other side of the world!!

mylittlestar · 15/03/2007 15:36

and believe me - your MIL is an angel compared to mine so think yourself lucky!!

VioletBaudelaire · 15/03/2007 15:37

1 and 2 are annoying, but I'm not sure what you can say to her without her saying "oh, I was only having a bit of fun".
3 "either put your seatbelt on or get a taxi".

Original poster
ArtfulAardvark · 15/03/2007 19:58

Superloopy - I think I would be in serious danger of killing my MIL if I had to spend more than a few hours with her! Good luck.

How many times do you have to tell someone that by not fastening their seatbelt they could kill their precious grandchildren before they take it in though?

OP posts:
CastleCrumbledDown · 03/09/2023 13:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

mbosnz · 03/09/2023 13:43

I don't start the engine until everyone has their seatbelt on. Completely on. I'm quite happy to sit there peacefully, and wait.

ADHDGURL · 03/09/2023 16:46

3 days at the dentist😀😀😀

Cherrysoup · 03/09/2023 17:06

So turn off the engine, not going anywhere til the belt is properly secured. Dumb of her.

billy1966 · 03/09/2023 17:14

mbosnz · 03/09/2023 13:43

I don't start the engine until everyone has their seatbelt on. Completely on. I'm quite happy to sit there peacefully, and wait.

This.

Unfortunately the seat belt business tells you she is a bit stupid.

Send your husband to visit her with the children and take the break, as he chooses not to see how annoying she is.

SuperNewMe · 03/09/2023 17:18

@ArtfulAardvark YANBU, it feels like undermining doesn't it?
Sounds petty when it's written down but it's grinding in RL!
You're trying to teach manners, she's laughing and making a joke of his burping which we all know makes kids want to do it more and manage cutlery and she's poo pooing that as well.
YANBU and sympathise!

DisquietintheRanks · 03/09/2023 17:27

Next time give her the front passenger seat.

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