Toddler Reward Charts

[DragonMamma1]

My little boy is nearly 3.
(Will be 3 at the end of July)

He has just begun spitting which I've been told by them that he has picked up from nursery and several of the kids have been copying each other and doing it.

He's otherwise a really well behaved child but this spitting thing has been going on a few weeks now and the naughty step has absolutely zero affect, he likes to sit on the step and will sit there spitting on the floor...

To get to the point, I want to start a reward chart for him with a couple of little simple jobs like make his bed and put toys away and 'good behaviour' and he gets to have an ice cream after his dinner if he's got all his stars.

DH says I'm being unreasonable and he's too young for this and that it's a phase that will pass... but even if it is just a phase, I think this is a good age to start a behaviour chart.

So is it U to start a chart now?

Me and DH started a Reward Chart for our son about two weeks to address his nighttime behaviours which were waking up in the night and generally just playing up and also coming into our room at the crack of dawn.

He had just turned 3 when we implemented and from Day 1 he 'got it' and me and DH have had the best two weeks sleep we've had in God knows how long!!

Children respond so well to praise and to have something they can physically see (the chart) and get involved with is really positive.

Me and DS made his Reward Chart together as he loves doing arts and crafts and every morning he gets to choose from his star stickers which one he wants and then he puts it on his chart. He loves it.

For every star he earns by being good overnight he gets a Chocolate button. For every 5 stars he earns he gets a little plastic toy from the £1 shop and when he gets 30 stars he gets a big present. The big present he is getting is one he chose himself and it sits in our dining room and the fact he can see it waiting for him only makes him more determined to earn his stars

I think 3 is a little young to understand the concept of earning a reward through banking up stars.

I would say that scolding bad behaviour then ignoring it - remember, at three any attention is better than no attention so you reacting every time is the desired effect- and little 'quick' rewards and lots of praise for good behaviour would be more effective than earning stars for a weekly reward IYKWIM?

It may be a sensory thing that has turned into a habit. Distraction might be more effective especially if is something else to do with his mouth eg. blowing bubbles. I'm presuming he is not actually spitting at people.

No child doctors or psychologists would recommend this only unqualified Supernanny style 'experts' who want immediate rewards but don'e care about what long term impact it has on behaviour . Don't punish a child whose brain hasn't finished growing while he's learning how to behave and really don't offer sugar as a reward to a child for compliance.

Reward charts never worked in our house. They would get a star sticker then have a melt down because they wanted more. Never tried that again.

We tried a reward chart briefly and it was a disaster! It was for ds who was spitting just like your ds and we took a a similar approach to you, with little reward stickers building up to a bigger reward. He just got pissed off if he didn't get a star and carried on spitting anyway. Decided to abandon it and went with distraction, ignoring, removing him from places if he spat and rewarding good behaviour. I know it sounds a high and mighty but I also wouldn't reward with food as I hate the idea that they get sweet stuff for being good- we reward with stickers and the occasional toy or book.

Thanks for the replies, appreciate it. I will take it all on board and speak with DH again.

Reward chart worked for potty training in our house. My son was about 2 and a half and although he was perfectly able to go on the potty he just could not be arsed. He would happily tootle around with shite in his nappy for ages if I let him.

I introduced a reward chart and he got it straight away, day 1 - no more nappies and no accidents.

I think I did 3 stickers for a book and then 10 for a dvd that he wanted. He was quite keen on the stickers themselves as they were diggers or space or whatever it was he was into at the time.

I don't see how it can harm children in the future.

Without wanting to sound like a nutter I do it to myself in a way too. In my head I 'reward' myself for doing things. I'll clean the kitchen and bathroom and then I'll sit down with a cup of tea.

thethoughtfox - can I ask why a reward chart is a punishment? I've seen a few people refer to it like that and am not sure why. Not trying to be goady!