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AIBU?

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DS12 Lying

7 replies

soitbegins · 11/05/2017 23:00

Lying in bed just now, DS12 in his bed next door. Suddenly his phone starts making a racket, and he says "why has my phone randomly started making weird noises?". I'm up out of bed and see he's is sitting down near the end of his bed holding it and stopping the noise.

He puts its on his drawers where it's supposed to be at bedtime. I ask him, "where was your phone?" He tells me on his drawers. He says he's sure. He promises. I tell him I'll ask him one more time if he was on it. All quiet.... yes. Says "I'm sorry for lying mum". I simply tell him to give me it and take it away. He apologies again.

I'm so annoyed as we had a massive talk about using his phone responsibly only 6 weeks ago, again because he was getting snapchats at midnight, taking and sending stupid pics etc. I warned him then that it was his last chance to keep his phone and therefore the independence he's been allowed over the last year.

But I'm annoyed at the disrespect, and the instantaneous attempt to fool me, then bare face lie to me not once, but three times.

He is 12, he's a good boy usually, and it's hardly robbing old grannies, but he needs to learn, right?

How would you punish this? I had told him any more nonsense he'd lose the phone, but only in the last week I've given him a key to come home afterschool for half an hour on his own instead of meeting me at work, so don't want to take the phone away in case of emergencies. But I could and it just means he has to come to work again. He has a party next weekend which he'll be desperate to take photos at etc. So is a week without out adequate?

I never really have to punish him, so I'm not sure what's too harsh and what's too lenient 

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 11/05/2017 23:03

His phone should be off and outside the bedroom at bedtime. I wouldn't take the phone off him completely but a consequence for lying is in order. Phone taken off him completely as soon as he's home from school? For a few days or a week?

WildBelle · 11/05/2017 23:03

I'd just take the phone away from him at bedtime from now on.

soitbegins · 11/05/2017 23:13

The phone will taken away at bedtime now anyway. But that's no punishment really as it was always meant to be on his drawers out of reach anyway. I'll maybe go with taking it off him straight after I get home. I really don't like the idea of him not being able to get hold of me during the day, getting to school and back

OP posts:
chastenedButStillSmiling · 11/05/2017 23:32

how do you know the noise didn't come from something incoming?

I think any kind of "punishment" is unnecessary (he knows he's lied to you and is upset by that - punishment enough). However, "consequences" are a different thing.

Of course he needs to have his phone when he's out and about.

He DOESN'T need his phone when he's in bed. So a consequence of the noise you heard is the reminder to make sure the phone is left in a communal place when he goes to bed.

Sorted

MrsJamesMathews · 11/05/2017 23:34

What on earth did you think would happen if you put a phone and a 12yo in a room together all night?

You're the adult, he's the child. It was unreasonable of you to expect a 12yo to make a sensible judgement about his nocturnal phone usage. I wouldn't punish him for being a 12 yo, no. I would just do what I should have done in the first place and have the phone stay with me for charging overnight.

requestingsunshine · 12/05/2017 00:01

Don't let him have it in his room at night . Problem solved.

Tootsiepops · 12/05/2017 00:06

Op - I think you were expecting too much from him in the first place. It's impossible for a 12 year old to be in the same room as their phone and not touch it I can't even do it and I'm 37

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