Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand why Godparents exist?

49 replies

giddypig · 11/05/2017 22:31

What is the point of them? Especially if you're not religious?

I have a friend who is an atheist, but has two godchildren. I don't understand!

OP posts:
2014newme · 11/05/2017 22:49

Just say as I'm an Atheist I can't take on the godparents role but I would love to be a special person in your child life. Or suggest the guide parents idea that pp mentioned.

Applesandpears23 · 11/05/2017 22:53

Ask her how she sees the role? My daughter's god parents are also the people we have chosen to look after her if anything happens to both of us (and we put it in our wills). They are also the only one of our friends who get her presents at birthday and Christmas. Also one of them has agreed to look after her whilst I am having number 2.

Original poster
giddypig · 11/05/2017 22:54

Great, thanks all. That's clarified things for me. I'll refuse and remind my friend that I'm not a Christian.

OP posts:
Puffthemagicdragongoestobed · 11/05/2017 22:58

I have four godparents. I have quite a close relationship to two of them especially. In my family it was less about the spiritual upbringing, rather it was about an adult friend/ family member forming a close relationship to the child.

mrsmalcolmreynolds · 11/05/2017 23:21

I'm an atheist and am a sponsor (rather than actual godparent of my best friend's DD). There was a church service but not Cof E and with rather less formal promises about Christian upbringing of child etc. However I'd been led to understand it wasn't to involve any undertakings of the sort and would have declined had I known before the day itself what I would have to stand up and say.

There were particular reasons that my DFriend wanted some form of blessing ceremony and I was (and still am) the person who would look after her DD if both parents were to die. Still wouldn't do the church thing given another chance though.

nelipotter · 11/05/2017 23:36

While the role used to have a specific obligation, today in some ways it can be anything from recognition of your deep friendship to being a non-familial aunt, for example. I use the phrase fairy godparent, in a mildly frivolous way but also recognising that my god child was the first child I saw raised from burth to adulthood and that I helped care for him when his mother and I were young. And that our deep friendship was born out of the love I had for him as a baby. Its unconditional. And not like a parents, but certainly nore than just a parents friend.
I don't think you need to decline because of religion (I am definitely not Christian) rather accept as a gesture of friendship and ties between generations.
Figure out the details as you go along.

willstarttomorrow · 11/05/2017 23:45

I am from a religious family, my dad was a priest and baptised us all. My sister got the good God parents from the posh side of the family. They sent her lovely presents and she is still in touch with them now. I got an alcoholic who worked in a boarding school run by monks. He did take out a subscription to the Reader's Digest in my name when I was 2. This continued for several years after his death.

MammyV · 12/05/2017 01:07

My children's god parents have been an absolute blessing to me and take their role very seriously. When I spit with my ex and moved house nearer to them they totally supported me. My mother died and I now have no family at all and now class them as family and my kids not only look upon them as god parents but grand parent like to. I work they are retired. They go to school events in my place when I work and school sports day etc they are utterly amazing so yes God parents are in my case a god send. Ps I am not religious and they are actually classed as supporting adults as my kids had naming ceremonies

blerp · 12/05/2017 01:19

You have to promise to basically help lead them in the way of God and renounce satan.

Personally I do not think making solemn oaths you do not believe in is right and I wouldn't do it, but people seem not to be bothered by that for some reason.

KoolKoala07 · 12/05/2017 01:38

I've just become a god parent. I think it's a load of waffle. When my friend asked me to be one, I told her I wasn't keen, not religious etc. I did reluctantly agree that I would play some part in Christening and child's life, but as I'm not christened myself I couldn't become an official godparent, instead I am a sponsor Hmm
personally I don't see why people who aren't religious have christenings (like my friend). Another friend said she had one for the 'get together'.
My children won't be christened.

MissEDashwood · 12/05/2017 04:10

Very reasonable, but Protestant churches like to pimp themselves out to get money in. So if you're willing to pay for that Clintons moment so be it.

They'll likely have little further interaction with child. If you were to die, which is a weird reason some do it, I doubt legally it holds much water.

Blossom789 · 12/05/2017 05:17

For me a christening is a celebration of baby entering the world being asked to be godparents is an honour to hold high in regardvyou are held by the family and they want you to be involved in bringing up the baby.

There are plenty of religious connertations too but doesn't need to be. You can be honest with your friend about how you feel - does DH feel the same?

MissEDashwood · 12/05/2017 10:33

You can have a naming ceremony then...

You've got 4/6 adults stood there saying they believe in God and renounce Satan, when in fact most are atheist or agnostic. So if you think of a Christening as it's intended to be, adults that guide a child through religious life, it's not being used for its actual purpose. It's more, ooh presents, posh frock & party.

Pregnancy Announcement
Gender Reveal
Baby Shower
Christening
Silver Boobs if BF
Cake Smash
1st Birthday Party
Golden Boobs if BF
Platinum Boobs if BF
Diamond Boobs if BF

Sibling is born, the cycle begins again... you rarely hear if the elder child is alive as it's all about new arrival.

Soon we'll be celebrating the anniversary of the conception date.

I don't know if it's diamond before golden, I just know it's a thing.

Ooh the cards that they now do that say some kind of milestone.

2014newme · 12/05/2017 10:56

@blossom789 are you really saying that there "doesn't need to be" religion at a christening? It's a religious event! That's all it is, no other purpose. If you ask the priest to cut the religion out there's nothing left!

So yes, there does HAVE TO be religion at a christening

user1493022461 · 12/05/2017 11:15

Traditionally they commit to raising the godchildren should the parents die

No they don't, this is a myth. Godparents pledge to aid in the religious instruction of the child, to model the values of the faith and to help them become a member of the church community.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 12/05/2017 11:21

I'm an atheist Godparent.

Yes, I'm very much aware of the hypocrisy. When his parents asked me I told them that I was honoured, but since I didn't actually believe in God (which they possibly didn't realise since my mother liked me to keep up the facade, though she's given up by now) I'd have to refuse. They obviously discussed it, then came back to me to say their elder son had an atheist Godparent so they weren't adverse to the idea by any means, so would I accept anyway.

I'm like a big sister to him. Don't see him that often but he knows he can always talk to me if he can't talk to his folks. We just don't discuss religion.

Justanothernameonthepage · 12/05/2017 11:26

My sister Godparents stepped in as a role of responsible adult, there in case she needed anyone to talk to and would take her out at least once a year to build a bond. When she went to Uni, they would often send voucher for food shopping and other small gestures. She's still close to them. My Godparents emigrated to OZ when I was 5 and I never even got a postcard. I'd love to be a Godparent

LineysRun · 12/05/2017 11:38

The last christening I went to, the father of the baby was blathering on about how the godparents - a happy band of tracksuited atheists who got stoned at the after party - had committed to raising the baby should anything happen to him. His MIL was Hmm.

Actually that probably explains why his MIL infiltrated the ceremony at the font and became a godparent herself.

Original poster
giddypig · 12/05/2017 19:24

MissE - silver, platinum, gold and diamond boobs??

I agree with posters who say that a religion-free christening is nonsense.

I also don't understand why a good friend wouldn't support someone and their family. Why be labelled as a Godparent to do that?

Blossom, DH agrees with me, that's it's an out-dated idea, as he's an atheist too.

OP posts:
PaperdollCartoon · 12/05/2017 22:02

MissE boobs? What are you on about? I don't like baby showers, seriously no to cake smashes - Christenings have value if you're Christian, but I don't think atheists should Christen their kids just to have a party

scaryteacher · 12/05/2017 22:06

I was there to be an alternative adult for my God-daughter; someone who would listen, support and advise her if and when she needed it. Her Mum is Godmother to my ds.

Seav · 12/05/2017 22:09

I'm a godparent and an atheist.
Regret it - I was young and rubbish at saying no properly. I was surprised and did mention the fact that I was an atheist - they weren't bothered. That should've been a red flag - along with the fact that they slagged off their oldest child's godparents for not living up to expectations.
Unsurprisingly, I am no longer in contact with the mother or the child - haven't see either of them in over a decade as we now live far apart.
Bizarrely I feel some guilt over it despite the fact that my own children have no godparents!

Sparklingbrook · 12/05/2017 22:14

I am not christened and neither are my DC, so no Godparents anywhere. If I had have been christened I doubt I would have had anything to do with my godparents anyway.

thatstoast · 12/05/2017 22:19

I'm an atheist and a God parent, albeit I was called in as an emergency last minute Godmother as someone else dropped out.

I think I'm just as qualified as most people who are culturally Christian, say they believe in God etc, but don't actively worship.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page