Wibu to change ds kilt for wedding?

[mayaknew]

Bil getting married later in the year. Mil is paying for the kilts and DH is an usher so gets a his kilt with the rest of the wedding party. Mil asked me last week if I would like ds in a kilt she will pay for it too. I hadn't thought about getting him a kilt but was delighted with the offer and accepted. So then she said oh that's great he can just get the same one as the wedding party. As he's not in the wedding party this made me uncomfortable I didn't was sil to think I was forcing him in to the wedding party so I said to mil if it's OK with her I'd like to pick him a different one.

So yesterday DH and ds went to get measured for the kilts. There wasn't one picked for ds so DH phoned mil and asked if he should have one here. She said just to get him the same one as the wedding party. So he has now been ordered a kilt with the wedding party as if he is in it and he's not 😳

Would I look like a dafty if I went in myself and changed the style of kilt. I'm going to feel embarrassed on the day when he shows up in the same gear as the wedding party, but at the same time I feel silly changing it. But I think I want to change it.

Wwyd?

Just ask SIL? Explain exactly as you have here, tell her clearly that you are happy to go with whatever she wants, and ask her what she would prefer. Job done.

Sil isn't very approachable I don't think I could ask her. I think she would say it's fine but secretly be raging and bitch about me that I asked to put ds in the same kilt and she felt she had no choice. But at the same time I know mil wants him in the same kilt so if I say to her I think she won't be happy either.

I'm in a catch 22 no matter what I do I'm going to offend someone. But I think I'll just change it because I think it's better to offend mil than Sil🙊

If it's a wedding with lots of Scottish connections than your DS probably won't be the only boy in a kilt and so there is little likelihood of him being mistaken for the wedding party.

In my experience, people are just delighted to see so many kilts and aren't too bothered about what the tartans are or how "entitled" you are to wear them.

If you are really worried, then make the top and boots less formal. The full dress kilt outfit is as formal as a morning suit (with top hat) but you can tone it down.

Lord I hate matching, totally non-appropriate tartans at weddings. My husband wore his family tartan. His best man wore his family tartan. My brother wore our family tartan. My cousin wore his family tartan. None of them matched. All of them looked great.

I want to say that you should put your DS in his family tartan as it should be, but realistically you should find out what the bride and groom want and go with that. Even if it's - shudder - fashion tartan.

My nephew wore a kilt at my wedding (matching his dad and my dad - family tartan) and no-one thought he was a page boy. Photographers aren't daft, they'll know not to try and put him in pictures. Sadly, my DH refused to wear one as he's not Scottish. Pity, as he's got lovely legs. I love seeing everyone in kilts!