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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I really need to stage manage your shits?

64 replies

holeinyourhead · 11/05/2017 11:42

I roared this at my 6 year old this morning, who at 8.30am decided he needed a clear out as we were about to leave the house to go to school, making us late. He still needs to be reminded to wipe his ass. Flush the toilet. And wash his hands. AIBU to think that a 6 year old should be able to remember this stuff by now, or am I just a crap mother who hasn't taught their child the basics?! I'm not proud of myself but buttons were pushed this morning, let's just say that.

OP posts:
icanteven · 11/05/2017 12:40

I feel your pain. My 6yo is giving us hell at the moment over her poo. We have had a big change of environment this Spring, and her response (coupled with the general reluctance of a small child to poo when they could be playing lego/minecraft/doing virtually ANYTHING else) is to hold her poo and have myriad tiny accidents. It's driving us demented. She is embarrassed about it, and we are being HUGELY nice and friendly about it, but OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.

deep breaths

She'll get past it. DD1 was similar for a whole summer at that age.

OhSoggyBiscuit · 11/05/2017 12:42

As someone with IBS, I can attest to the fact that if you need to go, you need to go. The fact that it's 8:30am be damned. At least he now doesn't need to use the often gross school loos and got to go in the comfort of his own home! (smart boy!)

RebelRogue · 11/05/2017 12:45

The AIBU is about remembering to wipe,wash hands etc not his need to do a poo.
So based on that IANBU, but you should consider that if he rushed and trying to save time he could've simply forgot.

MyheartbelongstoG · 11/05/2017 12:51

No not for a shit

NeuroTick · 11/05/2017 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1491572121 · 11/05/2017 13:00

Biscuit I don't have IBS but I can never wait for a poo. If I need one then it has to happen immediately. I go twice a day sometimes but they're perfect. Grin

icanteven · 11/05/2017 13:04

NeuroTick

No - I don't think so. We went through the whole impaction with overflow thing with DD1 (grim memories, and soooo much Movicol), so we know it very well indeed. Mostly she does proper (GIANT) poos at appropriate intervals, but if we're out or if she's busy she won't tell me she needs to go, or take herself off. All we can do is praise her to high heavens when she goes straight to the loo, and wait for this phase to pass. Wine

QueenofallIsee · 11/05/2017 13:05

Youngest DS is very precious about defecation. He strips off entirely for a start, and has been known to refer to it as 'alone time'...a clear indication that he, like his father, views it as a recreational activity.

Pair of weirdos

Flyinggeese · 11/05/2017 13:05

Do you really 'roar' that at a six year old? Using the word 'shit'? That's horrible! If my mother had done that I'd have remembered it for life!

Does he need a reminder a bit earlier that it's time to do EVERYTHING now before leaving for school (say 8am?).

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/05/2017 13:06

What you are saying would never have occurred to me. Shit happens quite literally. Confused

Thingiebob · 11/05/2017 13:08

Don't feel bad. I've shouted at my 7 year old when she decides to do a shit just as we are leaving to school. I refuse to believe she's only just realized she needs to go. I know full well she can go before we are about to leave but she buggers about with ipads and music etc.

It's so frustrating.
I notice the perfect parents have popped up again to inform all us normal humans that we are abusive if we lose our tempers or raise our voices. Hmm

newnameoldme · 11/05/2017 13:09

aw I know it's a pain in the arse as you're walking out the door but... we shouldn't make our children feel shit about it!

i was that kid arriving late at school after being shouted at from first opening my eyes as my mum was stressed out and it was just her way to let rip

i promised myself never to do that to my kids and in my mind 'hurry up' 'we're going to be late' etc are never to be uttered out loud and i just get up early and usher them along whilst talking about other things. it's my job to get them up and out and 6 years is very young to take full responsibility for much.

also making kids feel bad about bodily functions is out of order. all mine were bed wetters, my 8 year old sometimes doesn't make it to the loo in time. I've been there too! haven't we all. nothing worse than your mum not being sympathetic when you've had an accident

Floggingmolly · 11/05/2017 13:11

It'd be a far bigger pain in the arse (literally) not to be allowed to have a poo when you feel the need.

TooGood2BeFalse · 11/05/2017 13:11

queenofallisee my 5 year old does the exact same thing! Right down to the socks.He will happy sit there for ages and tells me he's 'having a little rest'. I don't mind it, gives me 10 mins of peace and I'm sure he's done all he needs to.

OP YABU.And a bit mean. Hope you're exaggerating.

RubyWinterstorm · 11/05/2017 13:24

poor kid, this is normal.

Yes, you have to manage it.

Leave the house 5 mins early, so there is no stress if you have to wait for a last minute poo.

Really, set the alarm 5 mins early, get up 5 mins early, leave the house 5 mins early...and then there is no stress.

You need to manage your time better, I'd say. I have had to do this myself, with the DC as I thought it was unnecessary to be stress-mum every morning. I actually moved everything forward 10 minutes. Worked a miracle, for all of us!

LakieLady · 11/05/2017 13:28

My 57 yo DP often decides he needs a shit when we're about to leave the house. And then takes a minimum of 10 minutes about it.

I understand your frustration, but I've never shouted at him about it. When you gotta go, you gotta go imo.

DP does manage to wipe his own arse, though.

Greyponcho · 11/05/2017 13:31

Sign on back of the bathroom door at 6-yr-old-eye-level: wipe your bum, flush the loo, wash your hands and then you're done

harderandharder2breathe · 11/05/2017 13:37

Judging by the number of Brownies I've had to send back to wash their hands, I wouldn't expect a 6 year old to remember

And if you need to go you need to go, a six year old can't help it

RestlessTravellerTheSequel · 11/05/2017 13:46

Well op Most of MN think you're a frankly terrible mother, I on the other hand, think you're hysterical and vow to bellow this at my boyfriend the next time he decides he needs to shit just as we're leaving the house.

ZefStar · 11/05/2017 13:50

Yeah if your 6 year old isn't wiping his own arse that's something you should be working on with him.

Not by screaming at him. Get a grip, he's 6.

Funnyface1 · 11/05/2017 13:51

I don't think a six year old can help when they need to go, it just happens. My 6 year old wipes his own bum but will call me if he's struggling to get clean. Sometimes needs reminding to wash hands. As frustrated as you may be I think six is still quite young.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 11/05/2017 13:54

Loving the kids who strip off for a poo - hilarious! Talk about making a meal of it!

willothewisp17 · 11/05/2017 13:58

has no one ever shouted in frustration before Hmm? give the op a break!

CricketRuntAndRashers · 11/05/2017 14:05

Have you tried reminding him in advance? Or have a "poo routine" in the evening?

Yes, he should know how to wipe his own arse. Have you tried teach him?

But yes, if he genuinely can't remember those things (even if he isn't in a stressful situation)? That does seem somewhat unusual.

Anyhow. I don't think screaming at your child is great. But it happens. As long as it isn't a habbit?

nachogazpacho · 11/05/2017 14:09

In a literal sense he wouldn't have had s clue what you were on about as a 6 year old has no idea about stage managing. Sarcasm makes children feel humiliated and inferior but I'm not sure he would have taken this ad sarcasm. He may well have wondered what you meant. If it's a regular occurrence then just get everything done 5 mins earlier so he had five to have a poo