AIBU re Car Seat

[shinyredbus]

Hi everyone - I have name changed because i suspect my sister might be on here and she is part of the issue.

Background - I am originally from an Asian country, where, although illegal, the laws on car seats for children are somewhat relaxed. The police don't really check for 'small issues' such as not having a car seats etc, so getting caught is very very rare. I have a brother with a daughter who uses a car seat - they live there.

Because we don't live there, we obviously have no car seat there. My dad has a car but the car is small, so even though we could (and would) bring our two car seats ( no issue as we travel everywhere with them) there will not be any space in his car. Because of this - i have said to my family we will be using public transport everywhere (busses and trains) - as although its legal to take taxis without car seats, we are uncomfortable with it.

I am now being accused of being 'precious' and in the words of my sister, a 'dummy' because i want to hire a car to take us to and from the airport to my parents house. The logic is that the airport is only about 20 minutes away from the house and - according to them, it is highly improbable anything will happen in that time. It is not uncommon to see kids without car seats there - and while its true that i have not seen an accident, it does not mean it does not happen.

My husband is getting increasingly annoyed because he says its starting to look like they don't really care about the kids safety - i know for a fact this is not true but i also don't know how to explain that this is how they do it - rightly or wrongly. I am stuck between a rock and hard place because i totally agree with him and will make sure the kids are safe - but this is now making things difficult between me and my family, and will make for a very strained holiday.

Is there anyway that you could hire a car for the durantion of your visit? It would make life a lot easier. If you visit regularly it may even be worth buying one, my sister has one in our home country that only gets used when they visit. Obviously it depends on funds.
I wouldn't be happy with young children being without car seats, although it would depend on their age. I'd be ok with a six year old.

Hi billy - it will cost about 2000 pounds to hire it for the duration - we will be there for a couple of months (hence the large cost!). With regards to buying a car - we usually only visit once a year for about 2 weeks, we are there longer this time as i am on maternity.

My daughter is 3 and my son is 8 months - and you are right, it isn't right they have no car seat, i just don't understand why my family can't understand that.

I know exactly where you are coming from.

I visited a bf's family, he had bought a car seat when the first child was born but it wasn't used, children sat on adults knees, in the front and back.

bf tried to tell them about what would happen in a crash, they just said, no it wouldn't happen because they would hold the child in a crash!

It's only a generation ago that this was the attitude in the UK, we didn't have seats or even seat belts growing up and my mother looked down her nose when younger cousins were put in car seats.

Maybe lie to them, say it's because of insurance, UK health insurance says children must be in car seats or they won't be insured so if one has an accident you wouldn't be able to afford hospital treatment.

You shouldn't have to lie but sometimes transfering the problem means you get left alone.

sassh - its so sad isn't it. Im being made to look like just because i live in the UK now (been here over 15 years) i am somehow 'better' than them, coming up with my 'fancy car seats'. My mum even asked me if i knew if they had car seats for me when i was a baby - obviously no as that was ages ago!

Its horrible they way they've made me feel - not looking forward to going now and thats made me sad/angry/annoyed.

Wish i didn't have to lie. wish they would just get it - but i get that they are form a different generation.

I do understand that it may not be possible, but could you buy a second hand car, as you are there for a substantial amount of time, and then sell it on again.

It would probably be cheaper to buy a car for the duration of your visit and then to sell it again when you leave..... you could negociate the resale at the same time as the purchase.
Good luck, you are being perfectly reasonable!

OP, you said you could and would take your car seats as you travel with them anyway, so can't you just take them and then get a taxi from the airport to your parents' house?

That way you don't have to hire a car, you don't have to worry about the seats fitting in your dad's car, you don't have to travel from the airport without the kids in seats and an additional bonus is that there will be no excuses while you're there for people to take the kids out in cars without seats as you will have them there to use every time.

Kobieta - unfortunately - it won't be cheaper to buy a car.

Why don't you just take out car seats and leave them there? Then you use them when you are there, your sister can collect you etc and you can either hire a car or accept lifts as you wish. Your elder child's one could be reused in future years...

I honestly wouldn't give a toss what they thought. Safety first. They sound like idiots.

Carseats are a source of tension between my parents and us too, within the uk. My dad thinks we are ridiculously precious to check whether a seat fits in his car or whether the back is in contact with the main seat itself, rather than just propped on the headrest. We have reached a kind of truce now where DF holds his tongue, lets me do it my way and we both ignore the fact that he is silently judging me and thinking I'm being ridiculous.

I expect this to continue until they have outgrown carseats. I don't think for a moment that he doesn't love his grandkids, he just can't see the need for any more protection than children had when I was little. I'm never going to convince him otherwise and neither will the law. I suspect this happens every generation with different issues.

Kittykatmacbill - we can't leave the car seats there as we need them for when we return to the UK - they live in another country (about 7000 miles away) Do you mean take our car seats, leave them there and then when we return to the UK buy new ones? If so - that would be very expensive.

Colacolaaddict - yes this is what i am getting now, although my husband is not one to hold his tongue, as he says why should he - he is looking out for the safety of his children. While i understand this, it does not stop the fact that this is causing issues with me and my family.

I'm not suggesting your husband does it their way OP, I'm suggesting you do what you need to do and hopefully when your wider family see you won't budge, they will start to at least tolerate it. Don't discuss it any further than you have to. I don't think I will ever convince my dad and debating it further would just stoke the fire. Just quietly and implacably do it your way.

Colacolaaddict - yes - what i have done is told mum that we will sort out grabacar, ,which is something like uber and apparently have car seats if you choose the family option. I have said because we have tons of luggage anyway - it makes most sense, and left it at there. Sister seems to be in a strop about god knows what so I'm leaving that conversation alone too - after all she is the one who called me dumb for wanting a car seat!

Google 'inflatable travel harness for toddler'. I'm not sure about the 8 month old but I would imagine there are travel options for that age too. The inflatable ones are supposed to be good because they pack flat when not in use (although I have to say I've never used one myself but have looked enviously at more savvy travellers using them).