to be annoyed that I can't invite my parents for lunch because it doesn't tie in with what my sister wants?

[wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe]

Have just rung my mum to invite her and my dad round for lunch on Sunday. As soon as I said it she said ?what about x (my sister), she might want to do something for mothersday?? I said that I was sure she could if she wanted to but I just thought they might like to come for lunch. Then my mum said ?well maybe you could all come to me? oh yeh just remembered, x?s dh is working on the weekend and you know what she?s like, if he?s not there then she likes to be at our house?.

Now I am put out about this. Why can I not do something for my parents without my sister?s feelings first having to be taken into account? I know my name certainly wouldn?t be mentioned if things were the other way round. My sister spends every weekend at my parents? house because, in my mum?s words, ?she?s lonely on her own with the kids all day?. She works 5 days a week so is never actually alone with her kids apart from when her dh works weekends and then she spends all the time at my parents. Would it kill her to spend one day at home with her children so my parents can come to mine for lunch?

For the record, I would happily invite them all and have done so on numerous occasions but tbh I don?t see why I should. I don?t see why, for once, I can?t have my parents round for lunch and me do the cooking.

Now shoot me

What are you going to do? The only way to keep them all happy is to invite your sister too. I know it's not your fault but if you don't invite she's going to spend Mother's Day on her own with her children. As someone who is also goignt o spend Mother's Day alone as DH is away in Afghan I would be really upset if the rest of the family were getting together without me! (I live in Cyprus so even if they were I wouldn't be able to go)

However I can see why you feel frustrated.

Nope ...you are right...a few hours at lunch wouldn't hurt. Is it likely to take up most of the day though? Could your sister spend the rest of the day with your mum?
Families are wierd...My mum probably would do the same for fear of upsetting my sister tbh.
Could you do it on another day?
I'd grit my teeth , roll my eyes and and pop around on the day to drop of flowers etc and then have her to lunch another day.

I can see why you're annoyed but I agree with Mcdreamy that it isn't nice to spend mothers day alone. DH mentioned having to work and i was really fed up but luckily he changed it so he is off

Perhaps if what you really want to do is treat your parents by doing the cooking invite everyone this time since its Mothers Day and then make a point of inviting just your parents another time.

are you my sister wannabe?!

sounds like my Mum. She is always doing this. She doesn't seem to realise that I can't invite the whole family round (24 of us at last count)every time I invite her but she seeme to exopect to see all her children and grandchildren at the same time

We all tend to descend on my Mum but we help with the cooking and cleaning up. Its just easier at hers since she has the largest house and garden.

I have to agree that it would be not fantastic for your sister to feel isolated. Your parents would probably be exactly the same if it was the other way round.
Don't get too upset about it, its just one day. There's no point in causing friction. Just out of interest are you the eldest or the youngest?

but it's not the whole of mothers day is it. they would come round at maybe 12, 12:30, would have lunch, cup of tea, play with ds and would probably be gone by 3. they could spend the whole morning and rest of the afternoon with my sister if they so chose.

also it was her reaction of "oh, but what if x wanted to do something" which implies that my sister's efforts would be more appreciated - I know if my sister had invited them for lunch she wouldn't have said "oh but what if wannabe wants to do something" she would just have said "x has invited us to lunch on mothers day".

no powder I am absolutely sure she wouldn't be the same. this is the woman who three years ago talked about us all going on holiday to spain and renting a villa together, and then ringing up a week later and saying that they and my sister and her dh would be renting a villa together and going to spain. We weren't invited, even though she had hinted at it previously.

Wannabe - I think your mum is just trying to play fair. I think that she is right to mention your sister. I would be peeved if my brothers arranged something (like they ever would lol!) for my Mum and didnt include me on Mothers day - or even ask me if I wanted to be included.

I suspect your parents are completely unaware that they show favour towards your sister in this way but you can be assured that it is not deliberate. I would just phone your sister and invite her over as well. You can't do any more than that.

I agree that you seem to always have to bear the brunt of your sister/your Mum's prior arrangements. It must be very irritating to always have to be the co-operative one and I'm a great believer in standing up for yourself when it comes to family (you might have noticed!).

However, maybe Mother's Day might not be the best day to make your stand. It's traditional to make arrangements for Sunday lunch so your argument that your Mum could see your sister before or after doesn't hold much water to be honest - sorry...

The suggestion of gritting your teeth on Mother's Day and dropping round with card/flowers seems sensible. Perhaps plan something lovely for you, DH and DS to do on your own to ease the pain. Then fight your battle on a less significant date...

Oh Wannabe I do sympathise-I have three of the most selfish siters in history to add to yours.

When on holiday with dd the 21yr old announced that she wanted adult only evenings and so dd (22mts0 should not come out to dinner.
My Dad took her side so they expected me to leave her with a babysitter (grrrr)

So sorry I have no advice for you-just wanted to empathise....

This situation with your sister sounds so familiar because I also have a sister. She is older but I remember her being peeved when my parents took me on holiday but didnt invite her cos she was in the middle of her exams (a long time ago mind!) and she NEVER forgot it. But then I always felt that my parents treated my sister like an adult and consulted her on everything and I was just the annoying younger sister.
I think you just have to rise above it and get on with your own life. Other people can and WILL do whatever they like.

I'd say on any other weekend then your request isn't unreasonable, however this is Mothers Day and your mother has expressed and interest for both her children to be involved in the day. She has gone as far as inviting you all over to her house, so the onus of cooking etc isn't on you. Maybe you should take her up on this and invite her and your dad around for a sunday lunch another weekend?