More of a wwyd... newborn at funeral?

[beansbananas]

Very sadly my father died a couple of days ago. I am currently 40 weeks pregnant, with his first grandchild, and currently there is no sign of the baby making an appearance. As a consequence my family are holding off his funeral until the end of the month, to allow time for me to give birth first. My question is... how best to manage a newborn at a funeral? I am a ftm so at the moment I guess I have no real idea what routine we might have for a baby that is potentially only 10-14 days old, and obviously under normal circumstances I wouldn't have considered travelling with such a young child and taking them to such a large gathering of people at that age. The baby means so much to my dad and family, that I really can't avoid bringing him/her to the funeral and wake. But I'm really concerned about offending people if they all want a hold, or I have to disappear all the time to breast feed, and ultimately leave the wake early to either go to a hotel or drive the 3 hour journey back home. I want to do what is right for my father and the child. Any advice would be really welcomed, so I can try and be as prepared and organised as possible.

So sorry for your loss. My DM died 2 days after my PFB DS was born. I'm not going to lie, it's bloody hard. The funeral was when DS was 13 days old. I was fortunate that my MIL was attending the funeral so sat with DS at the back. I recommend asking a trusted person to do this for you. Feed before hand and then if need they can walk around. Having DS there afterwards gave me a sense of purpose. He was introduced to extended members of the family so we didn't need to make any journeys which was nice. Don't worry about offending anyone. You've just lost your father and had a baby. Everyone knows that you may be emotional and slightly hormonal. Who wouldn't be.

Also, allow a lot of time for the car journey. You might have a baby who likes the car seat or one who doesn't, and in either case you aren't supposed to leave them in the seat for too long. Plan a few pitstops for a feed and leg-stretch.

So sorry for your loss. I think a sling will be your best bet (Boba or Moby are just 2 of the many brands available and you can watch wrap tutorials on youtube). my newborn (now 7 weeks old) sleeps for hours in a stretchy wrap, particularly with background noise like lots of people chatting. It doesn't have to be you who wraps the baby either, your DP could do it if you feel happy with that, leaving you a bit freer. In respect of feeding, you just have to do what feels right. I've only just started expressing now as we had no routine and were feeding on demand it wasn't easy to do. He's settled into more of a pattern now so I can plan the day a bit better. At 2 weeks we were just going according to baby's needs, so it may not be a case of disrupting routine, as you may not have one yet.

Hopefully people will be kind / aware enough to realize that your beloved father's funeral is not the time or place to be hassling you for a go of the newborn and leave you to keep her snuggled up with you or whatever you see fit.

I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope your new baby brings you lots of joy xxxx

This is your father's funeral, you can go and stay for as long or as short as you want/can cope with.

The suggestion of a sling is a good one. People are less likely to ask for a cuddle if baby is snuggled up close and you can always claim getting baby in and out is tricky.

Agree beforehand where you can go for privacy when you need to feed.

Good luck with both th3 birth and the funeral.

Oh my goodness how devastating, I'm so sorry. I took FB to a funeral aged 2 weeks. I was shattered and emotional, obsessed with sterilising the nipple shields I needed to bf, taking off my nipple cream and hourly feeds. 'Needing' to change nappies hourly....completely impractical but we did it and it was fine. Be easy on yourself and don't set expectations just yet

I am so very sorry for your loss.
I was in a similar situation to you when my dad died 4 years ago. my daughter was a newborn too. the undertakers were lovely and helped my husband fit the carseat in the mourners car and I just sat and cuddled her and fed her during the service. it was a horrible time but not because of my baby - she made things a little less hard x
best wishes

I'm so so sorry. What a mixture of emotions you must be feeling. My DMIL died just after DD was born. I used a sling and popped to the vestry when she needed feeding. My SIL asked her PIL to look after her very little DD during the service so she could focus on what was going on.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I attended by grandmother's funeral when DD was three weeks old. DD cried just as we were going in to the service so DH waited outside with her while the ceremony took place - if you were to do similar, would you have people to sit/stand with to support you? I had my sister and cousins.

DD was born by EMCS, and I must admit that had the funeral been a week earlier I would have been unable to go (complications and infection). But that is highly unlikely, and in all likelihood, with a straight-forward vaginal birth, you'll be physically able to attend.

We took a train and taxi to get there and back (approx. 1.5 hours either way). I was dreading it, but when we finally got home I felt like we could conquer anything.

You're absolutely right that a newborn really does lighten the mood of these things, when emotions are so raw and close to the surface, it really is good to have a reminder of hope and the future.

Good luck and, again, my condolences.

There was a baby of seven days at DSF's funeral and when he cried for s moment it cheered everyone up to be reminded that after all this was not the end,

and all the best whichever you do.

I'm very sorry. This will be a very emotional time.

Could you take a friend or inlaw with you who could do baby duty if need be? S/he could take baby out if he/she cries, feed him/her a bottle if that's an option on the day, change nappies, or could hold him/her if you want/need to hug other mourners etc?