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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What to do about his BO?

29 replies

user1490950440 · 10/05/2017 10:42

I'm not really sure where to put this thread, but it is slightly inspired by the bad breath one in AIBU so...

I've been seeing someone for a couple of months who I know through mutual friends. We first met around January I think and got on incredibly well - I don't think anyone has ever made me laugh as much as he does and we have many shared values etc

BUT I have started to notice that sometimes he has quite bad BO. It doesn't smell like he doesn't wash or anything (ie not a stale or dirty smell if that makes sense), but is a very strong smell of sweat. I'm not really sure what to do about it if anything since we haven't been together for all that long and I know it could be medical. At the same time though, I can definitely see a future with him and I think it will have to be brought up at some point as it really is quite bad.

He is lovely and I don't want to hurt him in any way.
So AIBU unreasonable to say something (maybe not right now) and do any of you wise mumsnetters have advice on how to bring it up/ talk about it?

OP posts:
busymum17 · 10/05/2017 11:12

I don't think you should say anything at the moment given you haven't been seeing each other long and it may be medical. Hopefully he will bring it up when he is comfortable with you.

runloganrun101 · 10/05/2017 11:41

Some men can smell muskier than others. Is he hairy? If so a trim of armpit/chest hair might be in order but don't suggest that just yet!

FuckingSausageFingers · 10/05/2017 12:27

Truth is, there isn't much he can do about it. You already said it's not a stale sweat smell like he doesn't wash, so I assume he's already doing what he can. My DH is utterly paranoid about smelling of BO. He occasionally smells a bit whiffy if it's a particularly hot day, but I don't really care. He wears far too much deodorant as well as aftershave and he's way cleaner than I am. In your shoes, I'd be buying him a new aftershave if he didn't already have one. Would that work? Maybe not yet but later down the line of for his next birthday or something?

Kokusai · 10/05/2017 12:29

Truth is, there isn't much he can do about it

Not true. You can take an extra shower, you can swap t-shirts during the day.

MatildaTheCat · 10/05/2017 13:02

'Look this is really awkward and I hate saying this. However, I am only saying it because I like/love you a lot. Thing is, since it got warmer I've noticed you've got a bit of a body freshness thing happening. My DB/DF had the same issue and had to end up showering twice a day and changing shirts more than once a day. I really hope I haven't upset you by saying this but I know I would really want to be told.'

How he reacts will say a lot. He might well be a bit miffed which is fair enough but should get a whole lot fresher. That's good. He might sulk like hell and not make much change. Not so good. He might laugh and say he doesn't care and won't wash for anyone. That's bad.

Pick your moment carefully and do sandwich it with some compliments, of course.

Shame he hasn't got a mum like me who says. 'Hmm, you need a shower and a clean shirt. Now.' Smile

FuckingSausageFingers · 10/05/2017 19:50

I just meant if he's already washing himself regularly what else is he supposed to do? Is he supposed to take extra tshirts with him when they go out just in case he sweats? Showers and changing clothes isn't always convenient.

SuburbanRhonda · 10/05/2017 19:52

I've noticed you've got a bit of a body freshness thing happening

I don't know why but this really made me laugh!

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 10/05/2017 19:56

Mitchum deodorant. Buy some for when he stays at your house (along with a toothbrush so it's not just one random item)
I have a medical condition where I can't lift my arms for ventilation Blush and it's the only thing that works

Heathcliffitsme · 10/05/2017 19:58

I know a couple of men who just refuse to wear deodorant. Is it that?

Original poster
user1490950440 · 10/05/2017 21:52

Thank you all for the helpful advice, I'm glad no one has said I'm being completely unreasonable by considering mentioning it.

Heathcliff He wears deodorant but I suppose it's possible that he doesn't use it every day/ only tiny amount or something.

peppapig I'll look in to mitchum deodorant, thanks.

OP posts:
monkeysox · 10/05/2017 22:02

It's not deodorant he needs. It's antiperspirant.

EllaElla · 10/05/2017 22:09

Does he wear shirts that are quite old/ well loved? DH has to chuck his after a while as somehow even though he hasn't got an odour problem his (clean) tshirts start to retain pit smell and go gross. Could be that?

laurelstar · 10/05/2017 22:19

I could have written this post when I was dating my now DH! He was clean and showered daily but on warm days he got very sweaty and it was smelly. I was torn because I was falling in love with him but knew I couldn't live with that. I was very direct and to the point, mentioned to him that I'd noticed he sometimes had BO and asked if he could start wearing an anti-perspirant deodorant. He was absolutely fine with me mentioning it, as he just hadn't ever realised. He has worn it every day ever since and the problem has disappeared. I'm so glad I just said something as we've been happily married now for three years.
So glad you have turned to Mumsnet for help. If he cares for you he'll know you mean well and he'll sort it.
Let us know how it goes.

laurelstar · 10/05/2017 22:21

P.S. He also uses clippers to make sure his underarm hair doesn't get too long, as it makes him hot. That was his idea.

Iris65 · 10/05/2017 22:24

Maybe I am weird but I love my DP's smell. He bathes everyday and has fresh clothes daily too but there are times when he smells quite sweaty. I can imagine that other people don't like it so I tell him when it happens and he showers and changes but honestly I love his smell!

SidekickSally · 10/05/2017 22:43

This was also the case with my DH when we were first dating. He was wearing a spray deodorant, Lynx kind of thing. One day I just said to him, I think you should try an anti-perspirant as deodorants don't really work. He switched to an anti-perspirant and now no BO. He just didn't know and his mum was never good at telling him that sort of thing. If you get on, and say it nicely, then it'll be fine.

SashaSashays · 10/05/2017 22:47

You can also get something called Driclor which is a very effective almost medical antiperspirant, although sold in Boots.

When your at his can you see what deodorant he's using?

Notcontent · 10/05/2017 22:51

Yes, maybe he is not wearing enough antiperspirant. My dad went through a stage where he decided he wasn't going to wear any - my mum and I were very quick to point out that unfortunately he was getting really stinky!!

etegrasse · 10/05/2017 22:51

Mitchum is great. No bo for me since I started using it.

NotTheBelleoftheBall · 10/05/2017 22:56

I'm also a big fan of Mitchum and I am a sweat bag! (Seriously you'd think I was an 18 year old boy not a 38 year old woman with the sweat and grease I can generate).

picklemepopcorn · 10/05/2017 23:13

Mitchum is great.

Try smelling his clean clothes, when you know him well enough! I think I read somewhere that you need an enzyme detergent for sweat. He may be using non bio.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 10/05/2017 23:32

He could suffer from hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating) in which case a product like Perspirex might help him.

Trickycat · 11/05/2017 00:29

He may just have poor hygiene habits. These may be more apparent as warmer weather increases or he thinks he does n't have to make as much effort for you i.e. the novelty of smelling nice for someone else had worn off. Sorry, probably not what you wanted to hear. But I speak from bitter experience.

AhNowTed · 11/05/2017 00:42

OP my teenage DD has a BO problem. Then we discovered Mitchum. Before that she really reeked, though clean and washed. Mitchum literally changed her life.

WaitingYetAgain · 11/05/2017 00:54

Driclor. I went a step further and bought a three pack as I wanted to try it and 'donated' one to my BF. We were both struggling with sweat issues, so I was able to make it less awkward by framing it around my own problem and it then seemed more of a favour thing to give him one. I don't have a sweat problem now. It works very well.

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