I'm a SAHM with a 2-year-old and am feeling desperately lonely. We bought a house in an area 45 mins from where we used to live a few weeks before DS was born, so we have no friends or family close by (closest is a 30 min drive away). I started going to a baby group when DS was 8 weeks old and through that I met two other mums who I still see 1-3 times a week. As DS has got older we now go to various groups every day. I have made a lot of acquaintances but no real other friends in two years. After groups end most mums seem to bolt off or go off in groups who know each other so I don't feel comfortable suggesting a coffee or park visit together. Of the two mums I do see I met one of their friends a few times at groups and hit it off really well and she twice suggested meeting up for a play date with her kids but our mutual friend had a face like thunder and has made it clear, in subtle ways, that this other mum is her friend and I am not to be included in any play dates they have together. I am really disappointed as this other mum is one of the few I feel I have really clicked with, however its not to be as I never want to intrude or upset their existing friendship or have anyone think I am encroaching.
Most of my pre-baby friends have either deliberately cut me off during my pregnancy (three did), others say let's meet up then don't answer texts/emails for weeks or months, and others work full-time with kids so are obviously busy with their own lives and are rarely free to meet. My best friend had a baby a year after me and we rarely see each other – she says she's busy most of the time. I would have thought that having children a year apart may have drawn us closer together but it seems to have done the opposite.
DH's parents are elderly and infirm and unable to visit, and SIL and her family live a short distance away yet while she is friendly, she shows no interest in keeping in contact except at birthdays and Christmas. I am from another Western country and my parents live a long way away, however due to separate issues with both of them we are no longer in contact. I don't have siblings. My DF family (aunts/uncles/cousins) live in the UK and I used to visit them regularly (every 8 weeks or so, 3 hour journey by train) prior to having DS but now my life has changed they never contact me to say hello, ask after DS or ask to see a photo, and have never visited us. I feel a fool for visiting them for years from when I came to this country 15 years ago, when clearly no one had the courage to tell me not to bother as in hindsight they clearly can't have been that interested in seeing me. I don't drive and DH shows no inclination to drive us the 4-hour journey to see them regularly (only did it once). Even if I got my license it would be a long time before I had the confidence to drive such a distance by myself.
I guess what I'm trying to say is having little contact with any friends, DH's family, or my own family has left me feeling so lonely and bereft. My family showing zero interest in my child I find so upsetting. I get out to toddler groups every single day so its not like I'm sitting at home moping. I've looked online for groups on sites like Meet Up, ladies circle, hobby & sports groups, wine tasting groups, Facebook groups etc and they all meet during the week but as DH works very long hours and doesn't get home until 8-10pm I cannot join any of these. Any short courses cost money and I would need to pay for childcare, which is not an option. I am a gym member but can only go weekends because of his hours, but then who ever meets friends at the gym really? DH is always encouraging me to go out and meet some new, like-minded friends locally, but how on earth can I do this given his working hours, and two years with little luck at baby and toddler groups has left me feeling pretty low.
I would think I am an approachable, friendly person so I'm finding suddenly going from seeing friends regularly pre-baby to really struggling post-baby in having much social interaction and genuine friendship; it's so hard and soul-destroying. FWIW I am not interested in talking about my child constantly with friends as I am well aware this is a boring and/or distressing subject to many, particularly those who don't have children.
I just don't know where to go from here. You can't force family to take an interest in you and your child so I guess I'm just going to have to come to terms with that, however heart-breaking I find it.
Does anyone have any ideas? It just feels like I have hit a wall and am starting to think this is just the way it is until DS starts school and I can hopefully get out and about more etc. Sorry for such a long post, thanks.