To think people resent it when...

[ThePeppermintPig]

...you just want some time at home, to concentrate on your own life and family?

Over the last few years, I have supported some of my friends through difficult times. I also did some voluntary work, helped out at the DC school, and worked full time while raising three young children with a husband who also works long hours

Recently I've changed jobs and now I have Fridays off. It's my favourite day of the week, the most time I've had to myself in a decade. I don't do anything particularly exciting, I give the house a clean, read, watch TV or go for a walk. DH works Saturdays and then we all have Sundays off together.

The thing is, people now see my Fridays as "their" day. My friends are mostly SAHMS/work part time, so are often free. Previously we'd go out for dinner/the cinema in the evening, but now they are wanting to meet on the Friday daytime. I did it a few times, but honestly I'd rather have the day to myself. I've politely declined meet ups, and a few of them have got pissy at me. This sounds awful, but I'm realising how needy some of them are- I seem to be a sounding board for all their problems, and honestly it's very draining, especially on a Friday at lunchtime.

It's the same with family - we're the first port of call as emergency babysitters /running elderly relatives to the clinic, even though we both have siblings who are perfectly able to do their share. I'm pulling back from that as well, much to their disgust

I had glandular fever last year, and I'm giving up my voluntary role & have stopped helping out at DC school, because frankly I'm knackered.

You'd think I was murdering kittens, because people are so pissed off and shocked because I've been doing less. Snide comments from friends, school mums and family. Messages asking "are you not speaking to me or something?"

I just want to chill with DH in the evening without someone phoning me about the bake sale or Aunty Edith's eye appointment. I want to spend days with the DC without someone pestering me to meet up, not because they want to spend time with me but because they want to moan at me.

I feel I'm getting to a stage in my life where I am bloody entitled to do what I want now and then. The older I get the less interested I am in other people's lives and problems. I just want to enjoy my own home and family

Yanbu

Some people need to be "doing things" all the time and hate being alone. Others are happy with their own company and can cope with a bit of down time, or in fact need it. And it's really hard for either side to appreciate how the other one feels.

I definitely need time on my own doing nothing!

I like to spend time recharging. I always tell people that no, I am going to recharge and enjoy my own company for a bit. Nobody takes offence because they know it's not personal, I tell the truth, no excuses or apologies.

Be direct and if someone is rude about it then you tell them that you don't appreciate them being rude and refusing to understand your viewpoint. Then ignore.

The greatest freedom is doing what you want while not giving a shit with what other people think. (obviously doing what doesn't directly negatively impact others)

Most people I spend time with don't "resent" me wanting time alone, because I only spend time with people who either think like me or who are accepting that we like different things.

YANBU to think that it is "a thing" though.

YANBU. But think about the threads on here when people say 'AIBU to think my friend is pissed off with me' and the answers are along the lines of 'sounds like she's stepping back from the friendship'. So it's normal for your friends to be worried that you're ignoring them. Try to be sensitive to their feelings (I'm sure you are!).

Why not tell a white lie? You have a regular class/another volunteer job/massage appt or something slap bang in the middle of the day? Has to be something you actually do or know about though (and be boring as possible) so you can fend off further enquiries.

I know what you mean 100%. I constantly seem to be driving people back from from the little bit of time I get.

The fact is, no matter how much I may like anyone, and I do have friends whom I like a lot, Im the sort of person who finds a little of someone goes a long way. I'm just like that.

I simply don't crave anyone else's company in huge quantities and the older I get the less inclined I feel about pretending to be otherwise. It doesn't mean anything other than I suppose I do have a bit of a reclusive streak.

I really do need time alone to do my jobs, think, clear my head, it recharges me. God knows Ive had precious little time like that over the years and have had to put the default 'me' on hold because I've had young dc. Now they're older those chances are finally and tentatively returning occasionally and it's such a relief.

Well it would be except that on my day off I can guarantee mil -main offender- , parents or someone (on some occasions all of them ) will 'arrive' regardless. Now I'm constantly on edge waiting for them. I've tried explaining but they are an unstoppable force.

Now I finally have the chance for a little peace, it makes me feel unreasonably angry that people just trundle all over it at will because it's what they want.

ThePurple; you do realise you don't have to answer the door? Don't. They'll get sick of knocking and give up visiting you when they never get an answer.

I do try that and it can work but mil esp can be very persistent and will come back. She drives me nuts.

Oh my word. YANBU at all! I don't get a lot of time off, so after a nightshift I have most of the day - I just want time to myself, clean, bathe, cook delicious food... and people expect me to accompany them or meet them to something tediously boring! 'Oh you're off Thursday, meet me blahblahblah' even though Ive just finished a nightshift!!!
I have started saying no, and I've been honest about it! 'Sorry, want some time to myself, can't be bothered to go out and just want to relax' - try it this way, honesty is the best policy as my mother always said!

You are not only OP.

And I agree that it certainly comes with age.

Now I am quite honest and will often be heard saying' "thank you, it sounds lovely but I simply can't be arsed." No one has been (openly) offended yet.