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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder why everything has to be a competition?

25 replies

moutonfou · 08/05/2017 09:19

Just that really. Seems people can't just go to the gym or cook a nice meal or love their DH, they have to advertise it on social media.

I know there's a fine line between showing off and simply sharing an achievement you're excited about - if someone's run their first 10k or made an incredible cake or it's their anniversary, and they're excited and want to share it, I'd never begrudge that. But sometimes I get the feeling people are subtly sending out a message to stake their claim in some way - e.g. 'Don't forget I'm fitter than you', 'don't forget I eat healthier food than you', 'don't forget I can run faster than you', 'don't forget I have a perfect relationship/children/life'

AIBU or do you ever get this feeling too?

OP posts:

SaltySalt · 08/05/2017 09:20

It's all smoke and mirrors or as I like to call it bullshit

FlyingElbows · 08/05/2017 09:20

I just smile and pity their insecurity.

Only1scoop · 08/05/2017 09:23

Awful so glad I don't have to see this staged tripe

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 08/05/2017 09:25

Its very easy though for people to make out they have the perfect children and husband and life
You only live with your own children and or partner.
No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.

nosyupnorth · 08/05/2017 09:29

i'm sure there are people who use it like that but i also think you're projecting a lot of your own personal attitudes on to it

i love seeing what my friends are doing and then asking them all about it when i need see them
and as for the food... well "So, what did you have for lunch today?" is my idea of a great conversation starter so I may be a bit biased.

Just because something isn't what you deem a big achievement doesn't mean they aren't allowed to be excited about it or that nobody else is interested.

although i have to roll my eyes at the 'ooooh look at how in love we are' type posts - the cheesefest isn't my thing

silkpyjamasallday · 08/05/2017 09:31

I just feel sad for people who are obviously so insecure that they have to post endless stupid shit on social media for validating likes. The woman I know who posts the most picture perfect happy family stuff on social media is actually one of the most unhappy people I know, if you didn't really know her you would think her life was utterly perfect. People seem to have no value for privacy anymore either, every minuscule detail written out and photographed so that people who you probably don't see very often and wouldn't talk about whatever your posting in real life with them know what you're up to. Baffling.

toolonglurking · 08/05/2017 09:32

I post about one picture a day to instagram, so there is no need for anyone to see it if they don't want to, and I can assure you I don't do it because I think I'm any better than anyone else.
I do it because my partner works away a lot so I'm alone with kids/pets. Posting a photo means that even if I don't feel like leaving the house every day I will try to do something fun, or interesting so I'll have a fun or interesting photo to post. It's actually been really good for my mental health.

Not everyone posts stuff to brag, but I know some do. I understand your irritation, but it's not always about the audience.

JaxingJump · 08/05/2017 09:33

I think some people just enjoy what they are doing. And get a kick out if sharing. Simple as that.

I also think people who go around smugly putting down other people who are possibly guilty of sharing to much or if being too open, are usually the ones with the insecurity problems.

glitterglitters · 08/05/2017 09:34

lol at this post, one of the NCT mums has been posting constantly about "her surprise" at how well her 18 month is at potty training, "they're already dry", didn't expect it blah blah blah, how clever they are. She even mentioned about testing them to see they are a "gifted child" because of this.

Really couldn't give 2 ff about your child's scattalogical achievements and humble brags goes back to sipping tea

DeadGood · 08/05/2017 09:35

Agree with nosy - you are reading a lot into it.
It can get wearying though, I agree. I think a lot of people are a bit self-obsessed, rather than trying to or you down though.

cowgirlsareforever · 08/05/2017 09:37

I don't use social media and when I read threads like this I am glad I don't.

RockyTop · 08/05/2017 09:40

It's only a competition if there's someone to compete with, just let it wash over you.

Birdsgottaf1y · 08/05/2017 09:42

""so that people who you probably don't see very often and wouldn't talk about whatever your posting in real life with them know what you're up to. ""

That's why you need to pick carefully who you friend.

I'm 49, whenever anyone went on holiday. You'd ask all of the questions that FB now answers, weather, food, did the children manage the flight etc.

It's so easy to scroll past what you aren't interested in, I don't see the issue.

People can use FB in any way they choose.

I'd rather see the good times than people airing their troubles on there.

Imamouseduh · 08/05/2017 09:45

Why do you care? Just don't engage with it if you don't like it. No one is forcing you to be on social media. And no matter what you think, someone somewhere has rolled their eyes at one of your posts before, I guarantee it.

CaoNiMartacus · 08/05/2017 09:46

It's late-stage capitalism/consumerism.

As a consumer market we need to be persuaded of two things in order to buy:

That we are lacking in something that a product can fix
That other people have things that we need to have.

Ergo. Competition. Low self-esteem. Magic.

LovelyBath77 · 08/05/2017 09:47

You can just click 'unfollow' whoever it is- simple!

MusicToMyEars800 · 08/05/2017 09:53

I am not on any social media for my own sanity but I do think a lot of people seem to be seeking some sort of approval by doing it.

queenoftheknight · 08/05/2017 09:56

The Facebook gestapo get short shrift from me. I will put what I like and people can choose whether to look or not.

Wh0Kn0wsWhereTheTimeGoes · 08/05/2017 10:09

Just unfollow them, that's what I do. In general I like seeing the trivia of my friends lives, but there are one or two that cause this reaction in me.

CheesyCrust · 08/05/2017 10:12

I guess I have better (nicer, more intelligent) friends or am more secure as I don't feel that people are showing off and when they post something that you (OP) may describe as showing off or needing to 'win', I feel happy for them and hope they've had a nice time or feel proud of whatever they've achieved.

LiveLifeWithPassion · 08/05/2017 10:13

I think some people are so addicted to social media (and their phone, in general) that doing anything else is actually an achievement.

ApocalypseNowt · 08/05/2017 10:16

Don't compare your 'behind the scenes' with someone else's 'front of house'.

wigglesrock · 08/05/2017 10:20

No, I don't ever get that feeling. I like social media especially FB, I like seeing friends photos especially days out and holiday ones. I'm only friends with people I know, I'd talk to, I would go out for a drink with. I find it odd that people who dislike social media and eye roll about other people's use of it are usually the ones that are on it just to validate a slight superiority about their life being so great that they don't need to share it.
It's not compulsory, there is a scroll button, there are also different ways to share with different groups of people. If you don't like it, don't use it - it really isn't rocket science.

SnotGoblin · 08/05/2017 10:26

I genuinely don't see my friend's social media updates in this light. I don't run but I understand that the runners feel proud of their achievements as I hear running is bloody hard work. I don't knit but I often click 'like' on my friends completed projects. I'm not a great cook but oogle and argle over sumptous dinners and cakes. I don't travel as much as I'd like to anymore but I don't feel like anyone is rubbing my nose in it by checking in from their glamorous location.

I enjoy the insight into my friends lives and imagine they are enjoying/coping with or not following my feed as I celebrate my little daily milestones and achievements.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 08/05/2017 11:33

Agree with Cheesy. You need to get new friends or take a good look at yourself if this is what you see.

They put a picture up of their dinner. Do you really think they were thinking, "this will show moutonfou!"

People aren't out to get you. Unless they are. In which case you need new people.

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