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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Calling pedants, teachers, wordsmiths and class warriors.

469 replies

shylock · 14/03/2007 08:22

I have a question.

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 16/03/2007 12:42

jenny saville is the female artist I was thinking of

food for thought

i fink

Anna8888 · 16/03/2007 12:44

marina - I don't feel any pressure from my partner or anyone else, I eat whatever I like and I know when I'm full, like any sane and healthy person ought to be able, so I don't put on or lose weight. Never saying anything doesn't help anyone learn what they should do to have a healthy body weight - just keeps them in the dark. Ignorance, denial etc

Marina · 16/03/2007 12:44

That's unsolicited adverse comments on people's weight, is it? I'm sorry, but I just cannot get the idea of that being loving.
Positive reinforcement of a good healthy lifestyle, appreciation of weight loss, fine.

Judy1234 · 16/03/2007 12:44

What I've always tried to do with the children is tell them we don't make other people feel bad. Important moral principle which I try to hammer home every day. So yes you might think a boy in the class has funny hair (one in their school has lost all his hair for example) but you never speak about it or mock them because you want people to feel comfortable and most importantly you should treat people as you want them to treat you.

That is a very different point from what I see as PC stuff. I think it's bad if you have a sports day and no one wins or we try too hard to insulate children from reality but within reason. The child bad at everything - sadly there are often some - you have to try to find something they're good at and it's a struggle sometimes but important for their own sense of self.

(By the way I just emailed the student loans' company because on a form we got today they use it's instead of its. Dreadful. They should discipline their proof readers. It will have gone out to every undergraduate in the UK - I hope they all wince when they see it).

Marina · 16/03/2007 12:45

it's awfully caring of you to have worked out why people might have weight issues and be able to put them on the right track

Anna8888 · 16/03/2007 12:45

It's loving, like telling your partner that it's time to get a haircut, buy some new clothes etc. He might be so busy at work he just hasn't had time to think about it. It is called TAKING CARE OF PEOPLE

Marina · 16/03/2007 12:46

Thank you xenia. Agree with every word of your first para.

Judy1234 · 16/03/2007 12:47

On weight presumably stay at home mothers like Anna who are devoting their all as a second husband and therefore looks and sex perhaps matter most, then it is more of a concern than for working mothers who have other aspects of their lives may be......

But more seriously I don't think any one fat needs to be told. They are perfectly aware of it. It's just hard to lose weight - see the many mumsnet threads on the subject.

Blu · 16/03/2007 12:48

Anna - I still don't see what that has to do with the genuine abilty to appreciate beauty.
If beauty is defined as our appreciation of body image it is a beggared concept indeed, and unlikely to be the cause of any joy or happpiness whatsoever.

I just can't see where this links to your original claims about beauty.

Unless beauty for you does mean the right (healthy) figure and nothing beyond that.

Soapbox · 16/03/2007 12:48

Ah Xenia, but nothing is ever hard in Anna's perfect kingdom

Marina · 16/03/2007 12:49

But if they're "in denial" or just not losing those kilos fast enough, xenia, then having a caring slim friend hacking away at them is going to make a fabulous difference

Anna8888 · 16/03/2007 12:49

But there is a big difference between deliberately insulting people to belittle them and make them feel bad (which is of course very unkind and no-one should do it) and pointing out (politely) the road to self-improvement of those to close to us (a moral imperative if you love someone)

Soapbox · 16/03/2007 12:49

Marina

Pamina · 16/03/2007 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Anna8888 · 16/03/2007 12:51

blu - as far as people are concerned I think
Health = Beauty

zippitippitoes · 16/03/2007 12:51

we'll be building workhouses next

self help and all that..samuel smiles is it

Soapbox · 16/03/2007 12:51

Gosh - bet you're a bundle of fun to be friends with Anna

MrsBadger · 16/03/2007 12:51

[ponders recommending Anna as a motiviational speaker on the "Big / slim / whatever weight loss club" topic]

Marina · 16/03/2007 12:51

Well we all know you are as mad as a box of snakes pamina

Anna8888 · 16/03/2007 12:51

blu - as far as people are concerned I think
Health = Beauty

Molesworth · 16/03/2007 12:51

What the hell has this got to do with political correctness?

I understand political correctness to be about becoming more aware of the way the language we use perpetuates oppression and prejudice. If the language we use can be said to create reality, then changing the language we use can alter reality.

Quite what this has to do with telling your husband he needs a haircut is beyond me.

Are you real?

Marina · 16/03/2007 12:52

I was just thinking the same MrsB, Anna really should do motivational weight loss training for a living.

Soapbox · 16/03/2007 12:52

You know what - I can even guess what Anna's little diet speech consists of...

'Eat less, exercise more!'.

Damn it, why didn;t all the porkies think of that

Pamina · 16/03/2007 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Judy1234 · 16/03/2007 12:53

I don't know anyone who mentions the weight of anyone else. Most people can't see the point (except my ex husband but he's in a little category of nastiness all to himself with his own quasi anorexia - he weighs not much over 9 stone).

There are lots of studies on beauty. Worldwide it's often the difference between bust, waist, hips which makes women attractive for example - 10 inch difference which is consistent I think with being good at having babies too. Also symmetry of faces, all cultures tend to like that. All my children are reasonably good looking. Two take tablets for acne, though but the tablets work. If you have teenagers beauty if a very interesting issue to tackle within a family and get right.

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