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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He denies checking out other women after being caught- aibu?

15 replies

HormonalHippo · 07/05/2017 20:04

I've nc'd because I probably am being irrational and unreasonable but I'm in late pregnancy and feel somewhat entitled to be...

I was out for dinner with dp and our dc earlier. He kept eyeing up a rather pretty barmaid. I accept that we all check out good looking people even when out with partners but looking more than once or twice is imo beyond rude. He was persistently craning his neck to get a gawp and so I called him out on it. He immediately denies he's looking at her but does, when I say he's making me and probably her uncomfortable, stop looking. But now he has a face like fizz and is on one word responses.

He has in the 9 years we've been together never admitted to eyeing up anyone despite being caught out many times. Just the same as he has never admitted to masturbating despite it being obvious when he has. He doesn't do porn or the likes (I've suggested we did and got a horrified response) so it's only real life staring, which makes me feel more uncomfortable.

Im only a bit not so upset at the looking at stunning women (although tact wouldn't go amiss) but I am upset at the lying about it which I'm sure is designed to make me doubt myself.

Aibu to be annoyed at his lying about looking at pretty women even after being caught? Aibu to be annoyed that it's never just a quick glance?

I've been on the receiving end of workplace letches and no one should have to put up with that.

OP posts:
XiCi · 07/05/2017 20:15

YANBU about perving over the barmaid. I've been with dh over 20 years and not ever clocked him eyeing up another woman when I'm with him. That's just horrible. Hes in the wrong, definitely.

Not sure what's wrong with him masturbating though, surely everyone does that?

parrots · 07/05/2017 21:02

Men who openly gawp at other women when out with their partners are so pathetic. I worked as a waitress when I was a student and was often on the receiving end of these sorts of 'admiring' glances - it made me cringe.

If he won't admit to it, there isn't much you can do.

PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox · 07/05/2017 21:06

XiCi I don't think OP was complaining about the masturbating, more her DH lying about it.

I'd be more annoyed at the lying too OP. No advice though, sorry Blush

Original poster
HormonalHippo · 07/05/2017 21:51

There's nothing wrong with masturbating it's the fact he lies and says he doesn't just like he lies and says he doesn't look at other women. I have no issues with either within reason but I do have issues with lying about it.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 07/05/2017 21:53

I think your idea of "within reason" and his are very different.
You think he's being a lech. He thinks he's just noticing someone really striking.
You clearly think there's something wrong with masturbation so you have to call him out on it.
He's lying to try and avoid a telling off.

Pinkheart5917 · 07/05/2017 21:56

Why does he have to tell you he masturbates? do you actually ask if he has? I find it weird that you want him to tell you tbh. I've never come home and said to dh " have you had a wank today"

It's natural to be attracted to other people but he should make looking at them less obvious

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 07/05/2017 21:59

Start playing him at his one game. .
Hunky builders /window cleaner /then deny it obviously.

BlueChairs · 07/05/2017 22:11

As a barmaid I hate being eyed up ... especially by someone sat with his pregnant wife and children ( vom) and so YANBU.
However, if you're saying you don't want/'allow' him to masturbate then that's just unreasonable ... it's natural and so shouldn't be an issue unless he is forgoing all sex with you in place for self pleasure.

BlueChairs · 07/05/2017 22:12

Ah just say update sorry, forget the last part then ... he's being lecherous and lying.
Ask if he would want someone to gawp at his daughter that way

Original poster
HormonalHippo · 07/05/2017 23:07

Jesus where have I said I don't allow him to masturbate? I caught him at it and he denied it, it was another example of being caught out lying. Nothing more. I just don't like lying. Not a hard concept

OP posts:
shyturnip · 07/05/2017 23:09

I've never come home and said to dh " have you had a wank today"

Grin This is the kind of comment that keeps me coming back to MN!
Original poster
HormonalHippo · 07/05/2017 23:10

As for "within reason" well yes if he was masturbating most of the day then I robsbly would have an issue. Just like if he's checking out other women for the duration of a meal - as I said we all do both but surely keeping it 'within reason' is the decent thing to do. Leering incessantly is imo unreasonable but clearly others don't feel that way

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 07/05/2017 23:12

'caught him' masturbating? No wonder he lied.

The barmaid thing is gross.

Original poster
HormonalHippo · 07/05/2017 23:14

Would you prefer 'I perchanced across him masturbated?' I found him masturbating? Pedrantry is boring...

OP posts:
PeaFaceMcgee · 07/05/2017 23:32

I hate lying too... Does he take you for an idiot? It's pretty appalling.

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