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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Presents to siblings from new baby?

48 replies

CatTheMouse · 07/05/2017 19:37

Posting here for traffic.

Just wondered if anyone had any unusual ideas ( or more regular ones that were well received!) of a little present that I could give to my older children from their new brother? There's no jealousy or any bad feelings (they're all very excited) so not trying to win them round, just would like to give them something from him.

Siblings are: DD1-8. DS1-7 and DD2-5.

I'm a little stumped on anything meaningful and would love a little help!

OP posts:

Original poster

CatTheMouse · 08/05/2017 09:18

I'd love to be able to get them something that they could keep for years and always be reminded of their baby brother, especially as this one is with a new partner (so later they may feel a little disconnected, I don't know, I'm an only!) and will be my last. However they're all like whirlwinds and anything fancy would end up lost or broken.

So I think I might make up something like a party bag for each of them, with some storybooks for my eldest to read to him, a little toy for my son to play with him with and a baby book for the youngest to write in ( she has the most patience!). Then add in a couple of little toys, stickers and a little pack of sweets. Then they've all got something to involve them with him and a couple of bits for themselves.

OP posts:

MackerelOfFact · 08/05/2017 09:20

I'd just get them something they're into, rather than something 'meaningful'. Having a new sibling is likely to be more unsettling for them than momentous, so something reassuring that lets them know their interests and individuality will be as important as before is best, IMO.

Having a new baby is a huge milestone for you, but I don't think 5-10 years down the line they're going to necessarily treasure something given at the birth of their 4th sibling!

MackerelOfFact · 08/05/2017 09:24

Sorry, 3rd sibling!

SecretNetter · 08/05/2017 09:29

Cat I'm kind of the same. I have ds's aged 7 and 9 and would love to get something 'meaningful' when dc3 is born - but mine are more into mud and football so anything meaningful probably wouldn't hold any appeal for them right now.

I think I'm going to make up little packs for them too - some of their favourite sweets, some packets of Match Attax (which they are obsessed with) and bells for their new bikes (which we bought last week so DH can put them together with the boys and take them out on them during his paternity leave so that it's not all about the baby).

Sleepdeprivedredhead · 08/05/2017 09:34

My children were a little older when DS was born. We got build a bear vouchers and made our first braving the shopping centre all together. They're not so into stuffed toys but they both decided to spend a bit of their money on a third bear. So they all 3 have one subtly different. Which was very sweet at the time.

Original poster

CatTheMouse · 08/05/2017 09:37

Secretnetter I like the idea of finding something that just they can do without the baby. Especially as it'll be half term. Mine love being outside so may organise some ideas for when baby is sleeping, a bug hunt has proved popular before!

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strawberrypenguin · 08/05/2017 09:45

DS1 chose a teddy for DS2 and DS2 (so we) got DS1 (4) a toy he'd been wanting for a while. He was thrilled as I don't think he was expecting to get something himself. He was thrilled with his brother too!

2rebecca · 08/05/2017 09:52

It won't be "from" the baby brother though as he is a baby so it seems really false to me.
I think presents should only be "from" a child when they are old enough to have input, otherwise you just add their names to the parents.
Why not be honest and not manipulative and say it's a present from you and their dad to celebrate the birth of their baby brother.

Original poster

CatTheMouse · 08/05/2017 10:00

Because I don't see it as manipulative.

I'm not trying to persuade them to like him. Or buy their affection. They're already pleased and have assigned themselves jobs to help out. They're not dippy, they'll know that any present comes from us, and won't care that we say that it's from their brother.

OP posts:

zzzzz · 08/05/2017 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SueGeneris · 08/05/2017 10:08

We actually did it the other way round when dc3 was born. I took dcs 1 and 2 to the shops and they each chose a little toy to give to their new brother. They were very proud of doing that and I think it helped them feel like they were very important people to him. He was born on Christmas Eve though, so I suspect any gifts would have got mixed into the general Christmas pile!

I did (and do) feel that it's good to teach children the pleasure and importance of celebrating other people's occasions and that to me was one of those times when it was not 'their' day (beyond having a new brother of course!) but a time to welcome dc3.

Maybe I'm a bit mean though!

SueGeneris · 08/05/2017 10:10

OP I think your party bag ('baby bag'?) idea is spot on.

2rebecca · 08/05/2017 10:10

I think it's manipulative because it is lying with a purpose. The purpose is to make the kids feel positive about the new addition. The present isn't "from" the baby. It's from the parents.
Manipulative behaviour doesn't have to be done for negative reasons, an awful lot of animal behaviour is manipulative.
I know a lot of families do the presents from tiny tots who have neither chosen or paid for the present. I don't see the point though.
It seems cutesy and false to me. What's wrong with adults just admitting the presents are from them. It's like presents from cats and dogs. Bizarre.

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 08/05/2017 10:12

I didn't do this with any of mine, unless you count "World's Best Big Sister" T-shirt and "Little Brother" bodysuit for DD2, then 3.11, and DS2. His invariably got poo'd or sicked on by the end of the day, so they were only ever matching for a few hours!

SecretNetter · 08/05/2017 10:14

2rebecca that's a silly way to think IMO...Children's names are put to gifts at multiple times a year that aren't really from the dc.

Every party that mine go to, the gift or fiver in a card is actually from me and dh...Maybe I should be signing the cards for DC's friends myself instead

2rebecca · 08/05/2017 10:21

My kids didn't really go to many parties until they were nursery age (4 in Scotland then) and then their dad or I would take them to a toy shop to choose the present. They enjoyed doing this and knew what the kid was in to. I presumed most parents did this. They didn't pay for it but they had input.

HeadDreamer · 08/05/2017 10:22

It was a couple of years ago and frozen was very big. I gave DD1 a Elsa and Anna doll from DD2. Thought it was appropriate as she was to become a big sister. And she loved frozen. She even reserved Anna for DD2. Very sweet.

LoveDeathPrizes · 08/05/2017 10:25

Have you seen the plush companies that make a plush toy of your drawings? We did that for baby and we got a plush of her favourite character made from baby to sister.

KittyConCarne · 08/05/2017 10:41

When my DBro was born, I remember being given a Tiny Tears Timmy doll- loved it for years, and obviously still remember the occasion it was given on.

When DD1 was born, we bought DSS, DSD1 & DSD2 their coveted latest items- DS and PS2 games, plus DGPs gave them money to treat themselves. In hindsight, I like the idea of a keepsake type gift, but equally I wanted them to have something that they really wanted just for them, as gifts like computer games are normally only Xmas/ Bday type things.

When DD2 was born, I took DSC on a treat day out each a few weeks before DD2s birth- shopping/ cinema etc, and DGPs bought them a new outfit and boots each which they were given on the day she was born. For DD1, we gave her a coveted cuddly toy and a snuggly blanket on the day.

DD2 was due mid January, so we also bought DD1 an additional advent calendar (a Frozen one with trinkets/ jewellery etc rather than chocolate), which she received on New Years Day and could open 1 door a day until DD2 was born, with the promise that she could open all the remaining doors on the day DD2 arrived. As it was, DD2 decided to arrive 2 weeks late, so the calendar finished on her eventual arrival date lol, but DD1 loved the visual countdown/ looking forward to DD2s arrival.

Original poster

CatTheMouse · 08/05/2017 10:50

Very odd thought process there.

I don't see it as 'lying with a purpose.' What purpose? They're already excited and happy. I just see it as a way to include them in the celebration of his birth. They'll know exactly where the presents really come from.

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Runasharptooth · 08/05/2017 10:58

What about a annual family pass to a local zoo or something that they would all enjoy so you have an easy fun thing to do with them and as you can keep going back it doesn't matter so much if you have to leave early or only stay for a short while because of the baby.

Original poster

CatTheMouse · 08/05/2017 11:05

I'm glad I'm not the only one who has done this and love the ideas. Thank you everyone for commenting.

I do also like the idea of them giving him something but to be honest I think they already want to give him the best gift possible; they all want to spend time with him. DD2 wants to sing to him (that may not be well received!), DS wants to play peek a boo with him and DD1 wants to read to him. They all did this stuff together when they were little and really strengthened their bond. They still do lots together and are very supportive of each other.

So I think a little 'baby bag.' with bits in for them is less manipulation to be happy about his arrival and more to do with celebrating their excitement and interest.

OP posts:

Original poster

CatTheMouse · 08/05/2017 11:09

Runasharptooth

I was thinking this, they already have passes to the local zoo but I might see if there's anything else local suitable, especially with summer coming up. We live in a bit of dead zone for things like that unfortunately!

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