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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want my son to just be at home sometimes?!

21 replies

NoCapes · 07/05/2017 18:56

There are a few kids on my street that all play together, on the street and in each other's houses and gardens, most of them go to the same school and they'll sleep at each other's houses sometimes too
It's lovely and I am so so glad my DC have friends here and I'd never move

However! There is one boy who wants my DS to be at his house all the time, he's constantly knocking on and asking him to come and play, DS does go round a lot and is perfectly happy to, but it's just so constant
If I say no he's not coming out today/till this afternoon etc he comes back 3 or 4 times and is all "but whhyyyyyy?!"
Now his Mum has bloody started!
Keeps texting me - can DS come round/come here or there with us and if I say sorry we're busy/not in I get "well when will you be in?" And she usually puts in somewhere that her DS is mithering or 'doing her head in'

This boy is an only child so I get that it must be hard to entertain him and we do entertain him a lot! But it's seriously not my job, I have 3 DC and sometimes I just want my own children at home or on a day out and sometimes my kids want to actually play together - poor DD gets really left out when this kid is around

Sorry this is all a bit jumbled but I've got a horrible headache that I've had all day and I've just had another "can he just come for half an hour, DS is all on his own" text and I just want to reply "No! Fuck off!!"

OP posts:

KallyBox · 07/05/2017 18:58

Nope, your child does not exist purely to entertain her child.

I'd suggest just stopping the excuses, you don't need them! Just a "no, not today thank you". She will soon learn.

shyturnip · 07/05/2017 19:04

Ugh, his mother sounds like a PITA who is either completely unaware or simply doesn't care about social boundaries.

Not easy dealing with this kind of pushiness. No real advice to offer but you have my sympathy.

gleam · 07/05/2017 19:07

Gah! I had this with one of mine. The mum was always asking for dc to go round at the weekend (hers was an only).

Love51 · 07/05/2017 19:08

There was a thread villifying the overuse of 'family'. But today you are having a 'family day'.
And you can tell opk that it is rude to keep calling after you've said 'no'. Someone needs to!

JamesDelaneysHat · 07/05/2017 19:09

We've got very similar but at least without the parents giving us a guilt trip into the bargain. Can you just ignore the texts?

Original poster

NoCapes · 07/05/2017 19:16

I've tried the 'family day' thing, on Easter Bloody Sunday when I was getting texts and the reply was 'oh family time must be nice with lots of kids, well DS will be ready to play when family time is over' - that passive aggressiveness most definitely got ignored!

It's tricky because I don't want to sour the relationship in any way, our DS's are very good friends and I don't want her to get the funnies and say 'oh no DS you're not allowed to play with him!' - seems like something she would say

OP posts:

FataliePorkman · 07/05/2017 19:18

We used to have family Sunday's. One week we would go for a trip somewhere, another we would go out to eat, then alternate between grandparents (both sets live at least 2 hours away) and then another we would have a movie day and have a takeaway.

Similar rules applied in school holidays- half terms we spent long weekends alternating between grandparents and we spend a week alternating between them in Easter and Christmas holiday and then a 2 week break away in the Summer- we used to all go away as extended family. If grandparents or other family/good friends came to stay for a weekend they were expected to stay in.

Other than that we weren't too bothered- we have always stressed the importance of DDs staying close and having other friends as me and DP won't always be here.

Things have changed now they are both teens- we allow them to do their own thing of a weekend but they are expected to come and visit grandparents as and when and as long as they have at least one meal with us together when we have visitors we are satisfied.

FataliePorkman · 07/05/2017 19:23

As for this woman you are best to ignore. You are not obliged to feel sorry for her and your DS can choose who he wants to play with and what he wants to do. But family time is also important.

Original poster

NoCapes · 07/05/2017 20:06

Thing is though Fatalie I don't want to have to have a plan all the time
I don't want to have to go out or make special trips to family members or have designated 'family days' to have my children around

Sometimes I just want my house to be my own, sometimes I want to watch movies all afternoon or DS to just get lost in play for an hour without it constantly being interrupted by this kid, sometimes I want to be able to put the baby down for a nap without him knocking on the door 3 times making the dog bark and waking the baby up, sometimes I want DS to play with his siblings, sometimes I want to be able to come home from school and just be at home and chat to my kids about their day without this kid appearing at 3:15 still in his uniform insisting my kid go out, or his mum saying to my DS in the playground 'why don't you walk home with us?'

I'm not saying all the time, we have kids round a lot and my kids play out a lot I'm talking 4 or 5 days a week, but sometimes, just sometimes I just want my own family here and to not be disturbed or have to think of an excuse as to why I want to look after my own son!

OP posts:

Original poster

NoCapes · 07/05/2017 20:09

Sorry Fatalie I wasn't really ranting at you then, just near you
This has just really bugged me today

I've had a headache literally from when I woke up and my neuralgia has been really bothering me, my kids have been with their Dad this weekend and I just wanted today to just be, you know?
But no apparently I'm the streets designated crèche and it's my job to keep all kids entertained at all times
Fucks me off

OP posts:

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 07/05/2017 20:14

Sign on door "Please do not knock - baby is sleeping."

And leave your phone in the bottom of your handbag so you can't see the messages for several hours. I do it (usually by accident!) all the time.

Yika · 07/05/2017 20:14

This would drive me absolutely berserk. I think you need to tell this woman straight, I'd say something like: it is lovely that friend comes to call for DS, he's a nice boy and I'm happy that they get on. But we need quiet time too and so please don't knock more than once, if we've said no, it's no for today, and same goes for texts. And he just can't play every day because he also needs time to do other things. If they don't back off then I think you actually have to start to freeze them out a bit more coldly a bit I'm afraid.

missyB1 · 07/05/2017 20:16

Yes I sympathise, we've had this situation although fortunately without the pita parent! You have to be firm with the child when he knocks, "sorry ds is busy all day today he won't be able to play with you, you can call for him tomorrow if you like." Then close the door. Don't allow him to drag you into discussion or negotiation about it.
And if his mum texts just tell her the same.

cardibach · 07/05/2017 20:20

This is not an only child thing. I am the single parent of an only and We both loved family time. Only children are not sad loners hi need friends roundcall the time. It's this boy's mum who is your problem.

Original poster

NoCapes · 07/05/2017 20:30

cardi I never said only children are sad loners, or that they hate 'family time' I just said I appreciate that it must be hard to entertain a child all the time whereas I can send mine off to entertain each other iyswim?

You're all right and I know I have to be more assertive, I will admit I don't want DS to be known as the kid with the mean Mum though
And why have I never just put a note on the door when I'm putting the baby down - that seems so bloody obvious! Thankyou Mum

OP posts:

MarcelineQueen · 07/05/2017 20:34

YANBU this would drive me insane and I would have to have strong words with the pair of them

Original poster

NoCapes · 07/05/2017 20:47

I'm glad you all think I'm not being U though, I always feel guilty saying not today and feel like I should just let him play with his friends whenever
It's hard to know where to draw the line tbh

OP posts:

edwinbear · 07/05/2017 21:01

This would drive me mad too. But i would fix it by not answering the door nor opening text messages from the mum.

NoDramasPlease · 07/05/2017 21:02

I had this recently, was demented after 2 weeks of it. Take it from me, strong words are indeed needed. I was blown away by this kids audacity and confidence in interrogating me as to my plans/ds's whereabouts and just thought fuck that. You'll probably need to sacrifice friendships though (that wasn't an issue for us). On the plus side DS more than handled his own with this boy even though he was older, and it gave him a little lesson in people respecting each others boundaries.

Original poster

NoCapes · 07/05/2017 21:08

edwin I can't just not answer the door because the dog barks whenevers someone's in the porch, there's a window from the porch to the living room that he'll look in plus this kid looks through the keyhole and shouts to us if he sees anyone

OP posts:

Ohyesiam · 07/05/2017 21:36

Despite the dog, the window, and the keyhole, I still wouldn't answer the door

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