AIBU to prioritise inside jobs over outside jobs

[pipnchops]

Feeling rubbish, never really argue with DH but snapped at him earlier and I'm still pretty upset with him.

DH works Mon to Fri and I stay home with 2 DCs (age 2 and 6mnths). At weekends we usually spend one day doing fun things as a family and spend the other day trying to get jobs done around the house whilst taking it in turns to look after DCs.

Even though I'm at home all week I only get the chance do the necessary housework to make sure we're all fed, in clean clothes and not living in squalor. I leave big jobs until the weekend when DH is around to keep DDs occupied.

The problem is that at the weekend DH has things he'd like to be getting on with outside (we have a lot of outside space) and I feel guilty as weekends are the only time he gets to do these things but I've been with the girls all week and I want a bit of time to get my things done too.

Today I was cleaning up the mess in the kitchen after lunch and I knew I had so much more work I needed/wanted to do around the house but I can sense he's wanting me to hurry up so he can get on with what he wants to do (planting some things out in the garden). So I snapped and said that I really think the house needs to be clean inside before we worry about outside jobs.

I know he enjoys getting outside as he works in an office all week and it's not like he's off playing football or at the pub, I'm lucky that what he wants to do with his time off is things to make our home better. I suppose I just wish we had the same priorities on what would make our home better!

When I had my meltdown earlier he said he'd take DCs out for a drive (nap) so I could get on. I thanked him as he left and said I was sorry. He said something like its fine I know you need to clean for your mental health. As the door shut I was like, eh? No, for my mental health I need to sit down with a cuppa and read a book or do something I like to do!! It's not like I clean for fun!! While he was out I dashed around the house changing bed sheets, hoovering, cleaning bathrooms all the while feeling really annoyed at how guilty I feel for not taking DCs so he could do what he wanted to do.

So AIBU ? How do other people find a balance? How on earth do single parents cope??!

Compromise. I feel like you do, until the roof is leaking or the drains are blocked and then I'm looking at him like, "You want me to go up where?"

So I try to be tolerant. I draw lines at dishes sitting in the sink (unless I left them there) and being starving hungry while my DH mows the lawn.

But he does so much that I won't touch with a barge pole, I can't seriously complain.

With weather like this I'd be outside as much as possible esp when you've space and stuff to do there.

I suppose I'd wonder too given what he said if you r being over the top about the cleaning. Do you hoover, every day etc? Do you do more than ur friends?

And if he was just being sarky ignore that.

YANBU. You are right and he is an unreasonable arse! My DH does this (or prioritises the wrong things inside - like baking or polishing furniture instead of the fucking tidying or washing up! But mostly it's "I have to water the garden"). It drives me INSANE.

However he has got better over the years (I think it was actually a control thing like he didn't want me deciding what he should be doing) but now he sees us more as a team and that we need a tidy house to live in.

Also I have become a bit more tolerant and realised his strengths are more on things like cooking (but I still get angry when he leaves washing up to go cold!) and gardening while I'm an organiser.

We also now have a cleaner twice a week which helps so much as I no longer feel like I'm constantly doing housework.

He's annoying me again now though as we are decluttering pre baby.. well, I am and his stuff is still mountains of crap everywhere!

Making it about your "mental health" is patronising and disrespectful. Your DH needs to understand what the priorities are and why, and respect that you are a team. Why should he just get the fun jobs? Try and understand why he's pushing back before you fight him on this issue (so you can win). Best of luck OP

CBeebies or iPad for a couple of hours in the week for pre schooler whilst I whip around and clean/ change beds as fast as I can.

Jobs like paperwork, oven cleaning etc I have to do the same as you and get DH to supervise at the weekend.

It's not fun time though! I'd much rather sit and read a book too.

The comment about my mental health was not said in a sarcastic way, I think it's because I'd said something like "it drives me mad staring at all the things in the house I don't have time to do during the week". I could probably get things done with the help of cbeebies if I only had my two year old, but with a baby too there is always someone who needs me so it's hard enough just doing the essentials during the week. I only hoover at the weekend so I don't think I clean excessively. Can't remember the last time I cleaned the oven! Maybe getting a cleaner isn't a bad idea. I just feel I can't justify it when I'm not working. DH has suggested we each write a list of all the things we need to do every weekend and then prioritise it all. Maybe that's the way forward.

Priorities list is a good idea

It's actually much easier for preschooler to help with outside jobs. They can play in the garden while he plants stuff out and you can do a blitz.

And if you can afford a cleaner then get one