13 year old now 'dreading' school trip we paid £200 for

[kitnkaboodle]

It's an optional 'fun' residential trip. Only 2 nights, outward bound type thing. We signed up for it ages ago and have been paying it in instalments since. It's very soon. Out of the blue he was in tears yesterday as he's 'dreading it'. Not the activities - which are just the sort of thing he enjoys and that we never do as a family - but the fact none of his friends are going and he doesn't know who is.
I'm going to call school tomorrow just to check if there's the potential for a refund (doubt it). Then there's The Meeting next Thursday all about it. Obviously that might change his mind about how awful it's going to be . If not, WIBU to 'make' him go on it??

Any time in my life that I have really dreaded something it's turned out ok or even great, plus there is the feeling of 'I did it' and survived afterwards. A great life lesson.
I think I would push him to go unless he can come up with real reasons why he won't like it/ fit in/ will get bullied or something.

I'd encourage him to come to the meeting and find out more and explain the positives. My DS got onto the french exchange trip which none of his friends got onto (well one did but wouldn't go without the rest of the gang, another was reserve but also declined). My DS thought about not going but in the end decided to go saying - 'its a no brainer - I'm going to miss having to go to school'. He'd seen what fun his sister had and didn't want to miss out. He had a brilliant time and I really admired his courage and its definitely boosted his confidence. The mates who chickened out ended up really jealous what a cool time he'd had - there were parties and lots of in jokes with the other participants and the teachers who gave out funny awards at the end. Life is afterall about taking chances and new experiences and not always following the crowd.

Though let me be clear, if he really cant manage it I would of course be sympathetic - there might be another kid who would leap at the chance to go.

I think because it is activity based he'll be fine as they will be very busy during the day and bl**dy knackered by night! It's an opportunity to get to know some other people better.

Exactly the same thing happened when dd was going on a trip to Belgium. We were up until 2am with her crying the night before. It was just nerves and she had a great time.
I did say if she felt so bad about it, she didn't have to go, but she made the decision to go.
I hope he goes and has a great time OP. You have my sympathy though.

I bet he will have a great time when he actually gets there.
My dts went to a beavers / Cubs / scout camp night recently.
Neither of them wanted to stay over but they had a fantastic time once they got there. I remember being the same when I was at school.
Hope he enjoys himself.

Oh. I just got severe flashbacks to 1974 or thereabouts, when I was aged 10.

Try and get to the meeting early and hover somewhere that you can see the other families arriving. There is bound to be someone he knows going and he'll feel better once he realises that.

Don't let him back out. Teach him resilience or he'll suffer later in life thinking he can run away from responsibilities 'caus his mum will bail him out.

He'll be so proud of himself when he gets back.

Explain how we all have to do scary things sometimes to see the rewards. Tell him how you do it. Then get someone else to tell him how they do it.

Tell him to go and get on with it. I run lots of school weekend trips - this isn't an unusual situation. Yes he may be nervous but so will lots of others be - once they are there, they usually get on with it and enjoy themselves. Also if possible, try getting him to try and manage the situation - can he ask the teacher or discuss with them any issues, rather than you doing it. I would be much more likely to respond positively to a child who is being proactive than a parent butting in. Depends on age of child though. Plus it gives your son some tools and experience to deal with similar situations in future. This is all to do with growing up and becoming more independent.

I can remember being petrified before going on a week long residential trip. aged about 11. It was actually WONDERFUL and really helped to increase my confidence. It opened my eyes to a whole different world and definitely pushed my boundaries. I made new friends and ended up talking to girls who I wouldn't normally have had any conversations with at school. I can still remember the racket that we made after lights went out, sharing crisps and sweets and various other rubbish. Bliss. Every kid should be able to do that (and tell lies to the dorm teacher, that the noise of a forbidden drinks can hitting the metal bunk-frame, was actually my head cracking off the bed).

I still wasn't one of the 'cool' kids though!