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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

So how would you reply to this

14 replies

Fab39ish · 07/05/2017 10:02

Dh works full time. I am a sahp so dh does the earning but I do the bulk of everything else.
He has a female colleague who works part time and has children.
He was moaning that he couldn't get any time off October half term as she got in first. He than said I wouldn't mind but she is only part time. And even than she is always off or wfh as one of the kids is always poorly or something.
I kind of let it drop but thinking back I am a little annoyed as I know when I return to work he is not going to want to pickup half of the slack if the kids are ill etc?
So MN jury what would you say to this?
Thank you

OP posts:

Original poster

Fab39ish · 07/05/2017 10:04

To add he is a high earner and my earning capacity is lower?

OP posts:

PaperdollCartoon · 07/05/2017 10:04

I'd be annoyed too and I'd tell him why - exactly what you've said here

LilacSpatula · 07/05/2017 10:05

For me that would be a conversation starter along the lines of, "Well, you do realise that when I go back to work we may face similar challenges..."

I wouldn't 'reply' as such but it's worth having a realistic conversation about what he expects.

Crunchymum · 07/05/2017 10:06

So you are annoyed that he is disrespectful towards his part time colleague considering you could soon be this part time worker yourself?

Original poster

Fab39ish · 07/05/2017 10:07

I just can't help thinking that a sahp is actually a luxury for both the sahp and the working parent.

OP posts:

Original poster

Fab39ish · 07/05/2017 10:13

I suppose that is partly it and that he doesn't get the connection that he is only able to be be committed to his career because I am there to do all the night wakings' school stuff, childcare and looking after when they are poorly and couldn't go to childcare or school.
I guess I want him to have some empathy for those in different situations.

OP posts:

Crunchymum · 07/05/2017 10:20

I'm part time (3 days per week) and I make damn sure I'm as reliable as anyone else.

If anything being part time means I make ever effort to be in on my days, although I do have the option to swap my days or to take last minute annual leave.

Over the years I've left my kids with chicken pox, scarlet fever, bronchiolitis, and most recently a vomiting bug which hospitalised my 4yo. Not being a martyr about it, but all were quite long illnesses. I couldn't be off for the whole duration of them (thankfully DP is self employed and we have my wonderful MIL so I've been able to leave my recovering kids with one of them)

I have always been on the back foot as my first day back from ML was in the midst of 1yo having bronchiolitis. I left her very poorly with daddy for my first day back, spent that night in A&E and then had to work from home on my second day. I bet they thought I was going to be a nightmare? So I have worked hard and made some difficult decisions about my kids - all because of attitudes like that of your DH.

(They are actually quite healthy believe it or not!!!)

Original poster

Fab39ish · 07/05/2017 10:24

It's so difficult isn't it crunchy? I just feel like I am going Tobe terrible employee if the kids get sick. We have no family support and I can't imagine that dh will step up with these attitudes.

OP posts:

LilacSpatula · 07/05/2017 10:39

Totally agree with your view that it's a luxury for both. He must understand that, no?

ifeelcraptonight · 07/05/2017 10:41

How many kids do you have? Have you always been SAH parent since you had the first child?

Because he's needing a wake up call. big style, if you're planning to go back to work.

Original poster

Fab39ish · 07/05/2017 10:45

We have 3. Only ever worked part time when I can (self employed). So been virtually a Sah for 11 years.

OP posts:

ifeelcraptonight · 07/05/2017 10:46

You need to talk to him. He needs to realise that he will be the same once you go back to work - and that you'll need to establish yourself in a new role, so he will have to possibly do a bit more than half of the days off for sickness etc til you get your feet under the table and your head around the job.

BadKnee · 07/05/2017 11:06

I agree with your DP. If you work you have to be responsible. If you are full time like he is, (and a father), you are just as entitled to half term off to spend with your kids as the co-worker who is a mother and part time.

We need more flexible working arrangements for mothers and fathers and all employees who have "reliable" salaries going in to the bank account should be "reliable" employees.

FritzDonovan · 07/05/2017 11:16

I'm part time (3 days per week) and I make damn sure I'm as reliable as anyone else.
Good for you crunchy, although not all of us have a DP who can or will take days off, or family to leave ill kids with. I do feel that ppl who have no alternative get a rough response from others in a more fortunate position (not talking about you here crunchy)...like OP'S DP. Hope you can educate him to be a bit more empathetic OP.

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