To Be Really Pissed off With my mum

[helbel3]

So this is the scenario. My mum comes over at 4.30pm tonight, ds2 and dd eating tea. Ds1 still at school doing piano lessons. I go out to collect ds1 come back give tea bath all three sort pj's etc as I had to go back out to parents evening for ds1 and ds2.

I left the house at 5.45 and got back at 6.45. As soon as I walked through the door I knew everyone was not happy.

The boys ran up to me saying "nanny has been shouting all the time" and dd who is 21 months looked a bit upset as well.

I said to mum what is the matter, she then said "she has been fine, them two have been horrendous, I have had enough of them im going and left the house shutting the door"

Now ds2 gets very upset if he dosent get a kiss and cuddle so he was very upset asking for a kiss and cuddle so I openened the door and said "mum, come and give ds2 a kiss please", she said "no way, I have had enough of them", ds2 now inconsolable hyperventilating for a kiss and cuddle, which deeply upset me. So I said "aw come on mum you know he loves a kiss and cuddle he is only 4, they are only kids" she then reitterated what she had already said. So I shouted at her, which I know I shouldnt "well dont bother looking after them anymore if you feel like that" and shut the door.

Now, if i took advantage of her I could understand but I do everything myself, as dh works long hours, mil dosent "do babysitting" so mum helps out now and again for an hour here and there not even once a week as she works full time.

I have tried phoning her but she is not answering my call.

What do you think? How would you feel? Asked the boys if they had been naughty, I think they wear just playing as boys do with one another. Oh, ds2 normally goes to bed early so I had said to him nanny will put to bed, so why was he still up??

Sorry for the length

Hi all, I spoke to my mum this morning but it didnt go well at first. I said i was sorry if the boys were being little sods and said I was sorry for shouting at her but I was so upset that she wouldnt give kids a kiss and that she said they deserved it. Anyway, she said the reason why she wouldnt give kiss was due to the fact that she wasnt going to reward bad behaviour.

I asked why she didnt put them to their own rooms at the first sign of trouble, she said it would have made the situation worse as they would have been crying, I said she should have still done this. I explained that I saw the situation in two parts, firstly the boys being toads (which will be dealt with) and secondly the fact that she refused to kiss her gc. I said to her that she maybe should have seen it this way and was quite nasty that she wouldnt kiss, she then said they didnt deserve a kiss. She then said that they were no longer a pleasure and that she didnt want to look after them again. I lost my temper and said if they were no longer a pleasure I didnt want her in my house not good felt shit.

I left it a few hours then called her and aplogised for saying that. She agreed that it was unfair not kissing them but said she had a really bad day at the prison (she works in male high security prison, so not a nice environment and was tired) I said i trult sypmathise and would make sure boys had a good talking to, she said she knows I would she was sorry.

Had a word with the boys and they said they were a little lively even when nanny said no.

Mum came over a tea time, wasnt expecting her as she was supposed to be meeting a friend. So made her a nice cup of tea and gave her a hug.

Then she said do you need any help at the weekend with the activities I said nicely that maybe she should just chill out and kick back enjoy her weekend off from work.

Thanks everyone for being there, and sorry this post is so long, but I do like to give the whole story..

Thanks for letting us know what happened Helbel3. So your mum works with grown up naughty boys all day long! Well I don't know if she has direct contact with them, but even if she doesn't I'm sure she gets to hear about their behaviour. And she's in a certain amount of physical danger. Sounds like a superstressful job to me.

It was really nice of her to offer help over the weekend but I think you were wise to refuse it. Too soon. Perhaps you could think up some appropriate sanctions she could apply if it ever happens again. Could be that she told them to go to their rooms and they wouldn't go. Sanction needs to be something that will be applied to them, that they can't refuse to do. Like loss of pocket money, sweets, other treat.

Hi elastic, yes mum does have direct access to the grown up naughty boys. My boys think it is really cool that nanny has her special belt on with her whistle that she has to use in case the baddies try to get her, and believe me she has had to use it in the past too.

I have given her a full debriefing on what to do should the situation arise and she now feels ok. She often comes on a tea time to help with bathtime. Tonight I did the two younger ones and mum did ds1 and I did say to him when nanny asks you to do something it should be first time or penny out of your pot. They were really good when she was here and made a point to emphasing what disciplines I have in place. They all sat down on the sofa after bath time with their books etc...

My mum truly does love them but just lost the way a bit I think, as we all do sometimes.

She also took the time to talk to the boys about last night and gave everyone a big kiss and cuddle which I thought was admirable of her, as she could have just thought well it is done now.

I suppose it is hard when you are a grandma of three children and you only had one very quiet little girl yourself. I was so quiet that when I went to nursery I sat in my pushchair for every session for six weeks, oh how I have changed

Thanks everyone once again it was nice to have people to "talk" to.

helbel that sounds like a really positive end to the situation. And top marks to your Mum for coming round like that and turning the situation round. Despite the blip you are lucky to have her.

I'm glad this has been resolved. Well done Helbel