AIBU to not leave the offer open ended?

[winobaglady]

Background:
I get on well with PIL, they are a nice enough couple in their mid 70's. DH is their only child, we live about 200 miles south of them.
DH and I would like to spend more time with PIL, so we are looking at jobs and homes up north.
PIL want to downsize, so we suggested they sell up and buy a bungalow down near us, as there are scant choices for DH to get a similar job up north. Of course, it's more expensive down south, so we offered to help with a purchase. Lend the PIL some money to release some of their equity and enjoy themselves and they can pay us back an agreed amount monthly for the loan.
They are master procrastinators, thinking about it for the last 6 months.
I suggested to DH that maybe they don't want to move, but he says they just can't decide. I'd like a decision to be made by them while they can, rather than it being forced on them (if one of them broke a hip or similar).
Also, we are not and can only afford this due to an inheritance I got. If they don't want to move we have other plans for the money.
So, AIBU in telling DH this is not open ended and he needs to discuss, properly, with his parents?

Yanbu.
They need to make a decision.

Whilst I agree that they should tell you what they've decided so that you can get on with your lives, I fear that a deadline could be a wrong move. I'm imagining a secenario where they do move and then things aren't as peachy as you'd like - would they blame you for "rushing" them into the decision? Would you blame yourself?

Absolutely you need to get some decisions from them and you are in no way unreasonable to push for that.

I think YWNBU to ask your dh to have a serious talk with them about what they are thinking of doing, as it is not reasonable for this to be an open ended offer if it is your money they are using.
As an aside, if they leave it until they start to "feel old", then it will really be too late, as the thought of all that upheaval becomes much more daunting. So, whereas I hear what Optimist1 is saying about not wanting to be responsible for them feeling rushed into the decision and then blaming you, I do think that it is your dh's responsibility to phrase the conversation carefully, to emphasise all the benefits of moving now, whilst they are still young enough and fit enough to become part of the new community they are moving to, rather than once one or the other of them becomes to ill or frail to get out and about so much.

Spot on, BackforGood!

YANBU but bear in mind that the decision to downsize/move at this stage of your life can be incredibly hard - it's wrapped up in coming to terms with the fact you are nearing the end of your life and facing up to potential future ill health, bereavement and death. This is exactly why people end up leaving it too late though, so a bit of pressure is probably needed, but a bit of empathy too!

I think your PIL might be feeling overwhelmed with selling up and moving. My PIL moved house to an new area in their late 60s as where they were had started to go downhill and they wanted a new bungalow.

We found out after a few months they had problems dealing with the process of selling their house and buying their new one as they had done this 35 years ago.

Eventually my dh had to take charge when the sale of their house fell through and he ended up having deal with the EA selling their house and also choosing houses for them in the new area and took them there to view them and even then they kept procrastinating. It was definitely a stressful time for them and us.

I would advise you offer to help them with house sale/buying but if they haven't done it by the end of the year to repay you your loan.

• they had last done this 35 years ago

The trouble I see is that if they move, they will have no friends or social life in their new place, which I don't think sounds very convenient for anyone.

How much would the loan be and what monthly repayments would you expect? I think it would be difficult for a couple who may have been mortgage free for a decade or two to suddenly have heavy financial commitments again, when they are living in smaller accommodation.

Would they have adequate finances for a good lifestyle and to socialise with people in the new area?