To ask what would make you consider stopping child's contact with father?

[user1487854472]

Just that really. Im currently in a very difficult situation with an abusive, aggressive, nasty piece of work who seems to care very little, if at all about DD. This includes putting her at significant risk. I've thought about contact centres, but is that really worthwhile?

If he's putting her at risk then you need to think about stopping his contact. Get some legal advice about your options. DD's safety and welfare is the priority. She should see her dad but only in a way that is safe and in her best interests, not if she's at risk.

With him being aggressive, and caring very little for your DD I'd say now. Do not communicate him unless it's about your DD. Inform him that you wish to use contact centres for the foreseeable future, and if he objects to this then he can take you to court for access. Chances are he won't bother, if he doesn't care, or the judge will order supervised access if he is abusive. Also if he doesn't turn up to the contact centres it doesn't look good to the judge. Try not to get into arguments or debates with him, and keep all texts/messages, as evidence. Sorry you're going through this OP, I'm sure it's a tough situation to be in. Putting your DD best interests first is all you need to do

Him and his partner got attacked in there home with a crowbar. DD had been there overnight the night before.

I would of still agreed to supervised in a contact centre but he wouldn't have it.

He's still taking me to court for access.

Sorry my point was do it now before it gets to the point she's in physical danger, it sounds like it's heading that way now.

You'd never forgive yourself.

If he is putting DD at risk I would stop contact. It's only best for children to stay in contact with their parents when that parent is going to put the child's interests first. If they can't guarantee the child's safety the contact is not in the best interest of the child.

Now.

I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself if they had been attacked when DD was in their house.

Keep a record of every conversation or message you have with him re contact centres and him declining it. Are the Police involved with the attack? I'd get crime number if possible to bolster your case that DD is not safe at ex's address or with him.

Are you already in the court system? If not you'll have to go to mediation first, which could work in your advantage if he isn't even considering any other contact options.

Remember DD safety is your priority x

Contact centres are good so that your dc won't be put at risk, but if you go via court they'll look to progress contacts ut of contact centres.

I stopped contact because ex was being abusive to the dc, he was in a contact centre for contact but was really mentally abusing them. DC told cafcass and school and it was one hell of a fight to stop all direct contact tho.

Thank you all.

I've had significant police support, a family practitioner and health visitor involvement and our case went to MARAC in February. I've also had an IDVA.

We are not going through court and doubt that he'd take those steps tbh. I'd like to stay out of court if possible as I know they'd build up to unsupervised contact.

I know that I would be making the right decision for my DD to stop contact, but why do I feel so guilty about making that decision 😢

You feel guilty because you want her to see her dad but it's his fault if contact stops, not yours. Court will look at the risk before ordering any contact. Police, marac - the court would be worried about all of that. I think you should stop contact now if DD is at risk. It's then up to him to apply to court.

I'd only ever written stop contact if the child was at risk from harm. Do not feel guilty, if he is using contact with her to get at you then she is at risk.

If you have genuine concerns don't send her. . If you send her and something happens and you say you were concerned then you are admitting you knowingly put her at risk.

Let him go through the proper channels if he is sincere.
If he doesn't then dd hasn't lost out as he wasn't going to be a decent df anyway.

Sorry user1487854472 this must be awful.

Agree with Ali *Your dd's safety and well being comes first.

Agree with wise words from justkeepswimmingg, Justmadeperfectflapjacks and all.

Do not feel guilty. you must protect her. No relationship is worth living with such risk of harm.

User I still feel guilty.

I ended up at the GP's last week (with something unrelated) and it was actually really helpful having a professional (friends and family have all said similar but they're obviously connected to DD somewhat) telling me I was doing the right thing for DD

Would speaking to someone whether it be a counsellor or anything help you at all?

Thank you all.

Unborn: that must have been terrifying for you, to think that your DD was so close to being caught up in the situation.

I have a close friend who has been through a similar situation and I find a lot of comfort from her, as she's 7 years on.

I have now cut up the SIM card for the phone number he has and blocked his email. I will ask all communication to go through my solicitor as I need to separate myself from his abuse. It's such a sad situation for my DD and I will always feel so guilty

User at the end of day if she had been in that house and hurt it would of been my fault no one else's.

Some "parents" and I use that term loosely aren't fit to parent (not specifying fathers either) we just have to do best by our DC whatever feelings of guilt and sadness we might suffer for it.

You sound like a brilliant mam with your daughters best interests at heart for what it's first. Well done on the sim card

*first = worth

Thank you Unborn 😊

Do you still have any contact with your DDs father? Giving update etc?

Other then threatening me in the street nothing I'm just waiting for a court letter if I'm honest.

I do actually want him to sort himself out and be fit to see her, I don't doubt he loves her but it's not enough. He won't get unsupervised access but will probably be offered drug testing and either supervised contact centre or supervised by his family (who DD still see's) and some help put in place to work towards more contact.

Whether he will accept supervised contact is a different matter, it does upset me quite a lot but I don't know whether he will use this as a wake up call to get better. I hope he does for DD's sake she deserves better.

Oh I'm sorry you're going through this It's bloody hard!

I know what you mean about wanting the dad to change, unfortunately in my case the 'dad' sees absolutely no error in his ways, it's purely everyone else's fault.