To think that I'm a huge failure?

[FailureFran]

And and am set up to never succeed in life.

I really really hate myself. I am one huge failure and will never get anywhere in life. I hate who I am. I hate being me.

I am the way that I am because of social anxiety. I detest myself because of it. I get so angry at myself.

I hate the way it makes me turn into an idiot in EVERY social interaction from meeting acquaintances to talking to people at the checkout.

Its the reason I'm so meek, a pushover, spoken to like shit by people who know they can get away with it - even kids ffs.

It's the reason I have always had low paid nmw jobs even though I have a degree in a healthcare profession but was too anxious about the patient interactions / interview processes etc and never pursued it.

It's the reason I don't have any friends.

It's the reason I wasn't able to leave an abusive relationship.

Its the reason I'll never have a well paid job even though I have been fairly bright academically. (Has been pointless for me. I would have been better off leaving school without any qualifications)

It's the reason people think I am "thick" and not very bright and treat me accordingly.

It's the reason I'll never get far in life and will never do anything to feel proud about.

I feel so pathetic. Such a loser. Kids have more confidence and social savviness than I will ever have. It's like having a disability- that's how it feels to me.

I could do so much but can't.
And never will as I am under the suffocation of social anxiety.

So you have brought up confident kids? Well done you that's a great acheivment.

Coukd you see your GP to access some counselling and help?

Oh, love. I am sorry you feel that way. I'm sure it's not true but anxiety and other mh issues lie to you and make you feel that way. MH issues can be disabilities, I believe - have got ever tried any treatment? I've had some success with cbt and the sort of just talking counselling the I can't remember the name of. But I don't think I've suffered the same as you.

My DH was just like you. Albeit, he did have a good job but held himself back from achieving as much as he could and progressing. He dreaded social occasions and beat himself up over every interaction.

He was in a very, very bad place- as it sounds like you are now.

Then he got help. He spoke to his GP, was referred for in-patient care. It was very, very hard but it's changed his life. He's getting on-going support and will continue to do so for the rest of his life.

You're not a failure, you just haven't found the right way to sort this yet. Speak to your GP and see what you can do next.

I do have children and I really worry that they will end up like me. You have a statistically very high chance of developing SA if your parent has it. My eldest is quite shy and hates being the centre of attention but he is still only young and realise this is common but it's always at the back of my mind. I'm not a good role model.

I should have said that I did pluck up the courage to visit my go last year who referred me to the local iapt service where I had a dozen CBT sessions which I didn't find helpful at all. In addition to this, although the therapist was lovely and kind, she didn't really understand. She would say things like " what- don't you go to parties?! "

Prior to this and even now and I have read a million books on social anxiety/ anxiety/ positive thinking and a range of self help books but nothing works. I think I'm stuck. I feel like something is majority wrong with me if even after all this, things haven't really improved.

JustHereForThePooStories
So glad your DH has improved. Can I ask what help he got? What therapy did he find helped?

Can I ask what help he got? What therapy did he find helped

He did a specialised plan in a local (and fantastic) psychiatric facility. It involved a lot over several months of in-patient care including CBT (had already done previously with mixed results), immersion therapy (where he had to leave the hospital and work on several real life scenarios), group therapy, and an advanced anxiety programme. He also did a lot of therapeutic activities such as going to the gym, meditation, Pilates etc.
He had also been on anti-depressants for anxiety and they were reviewed.

It was a horrific time for us but 100% worth it. We'd been struggling with his mental health for years and managed to keep it on an even keel for most of that, but neither of us knew how to actually improve it. That's the difference the treatment made.

It's been life-changing. He'll always have anxiety issues, that's just how his brain is wired, but now he has the tools and skills to deal with it.

Your in a bad place and self help books will not cut it. Get yourself to the Gp and tell them how you feel. They will refer you to talking therapies and CBT to start with which will help give you the skills to start to challenge the negative thoughts you are having and associated anxiety. It's a habit to put yourself down that could have developed due to a variety of reasons ( usually childhood related/ low self esteem) You need to take steps to break that habit. Cbt may be all you need a or it could be the start of a longer journey but you owe a it to yourself and your kids. Don't despair Op, there is help available and you need to get yourself in the system. Good luck

And I know you don't think this but I can guarantee no one thinks you are an idiot love. You sound so nice you probably don't realise how much people do like you.

Can I ask do you have a partner? How old are your children?

OP have you considered autism as social anxiety is one of the symptoms of the condition. Also, women present autism differently than men so it's not immediately obvious iyswim. Have a look at the websites below and see if it's applicable to you, it might not be. Sometimes it's worth looking at the issue from a different angle.

thegirlwiththecurlyhair.co.uk

www.autism.org.uk/about.aspx

Oh you said had cbt before and it wasn't working but you may not have found the right therapist. My dd suffered with PTSD and had to speak to 3 therapists until she found the right one for her.

Go back to your GP and get referred again

That does not sound like effective therapy to me. Is it possible to go back and ask to referred again to a different therapist? Or is there any chance of private treatment? MH provision in the NHS is really not easy to access at the moment. MIND may have some treatment suggestions too?

What I am reading in your initial post is a person who's struggled to overcome some massive problems and has managed to get a partner and raise two lovely children and keep in work despite what's stacked against you. And that's without help.

Hi LadyS, gosh are you me? But you have managed to stay employed! I just wanted to jump in as I can see you are getting lots of brilliant advice, but I just wanted to also say that you are, actually, ok, you really are, just as you are. I hope that you can get some help to change if that's what you feel you need, but right now in this moment I hope that you can read this and tell yourself you're alright, just as you are. We aren't all social butterflies, and that is ok, we are supposed to be different, it would be a very bland world otherwise.