Name changed as this is extremely outing. Apologies if this is long but I don't want to drip feed.
I've known 2 woman for last 12 years who I shall call Lacey & Jennifer. Lacey is my best friend who is my age and Jennifer is her sister who is quite a few years older then us both.
Lacey has 2 children aged 3 and 9 and Jennifer has 1 child aged 12. I have a child aged 11 months.
We have always been a close 3 and the sisters are extremely close I have always spent a lot of my time with them especially Lacey even before I had my child. Her children are actually related to me since she is with my 1st cousin.
In the last couple of years Jennifer has got a part time job which means she has every weekend off and a Tuesday. The rest of the days she works 4 hours. Lacey is a full time carer for her eldest child who has autism.
Me and Lacey both have partners who work my partner works late on both a Monday and a Tuesday usually starting at 1pm and finishing around 10 gets home around 11 and the rest of the week varies. I usually spend a lot of my time with my best friend Lacey but have noticed that on a Tuesday I get left out of the plans as Jennifer doesn't want me around and Lacey doesn't stand up to her. On Mondays and Thursdays I quite often take Lacey's child to nursery and with her then we go off and do errands in town or food shopping or just back to one of our hours for a semi peaceful afternoon (remember I still have my LO)
I have questioned a few times why I have suddenly started to be left out of plans this has been going on since late last year but I've only started bringing it up now a short while ago they both apologised to me and said they do leave me out and they wouldn't do that anymore they would invite me to do things with them too but nothing has really changed. It wasn't until I was speaking To my partner that the penny dropped when he suggested maybe they didn't want to spend fine with me because I have a young child and their kids are at school. That was really hurtful to me I've never treated anyone like that I've always made the effort with both of these people even before I thought about ever having any children of my own I have cared for their children I've lent money, done favours and not to sound big headed I believe I've been a really good friend to both of them. It's not even just Tuesdays it can be weekends, school holidays however if Jennifer needs a lift somewhere I then get invited as she doesn't drive but I do.
My partner and I started planning our wedding earlier this year and we marry at the end of this year I have made Lacey and her children bridesmaids along with another family member I am close to. I haven't left Jennifer out of anything I've invited her to wedding shows, dress shopping, I ask her opinion on things and I've even invited her to my venue an hour early the morning of my wedding so we can have a drink together and she can be in some getting ready photos. I did ask her if she was upset that she wasn't a bridesmaid and she assured me she wasn't and being a bridesmaid wasn't her thing she would rather be a guest which is totally fine with me but I've still tried to make her feel special And all the little touches I've done for the wedding party I have also done the same for her and she knows this. I genuinely think a lot of her but it's become clear she doesn't think much of me at all.
Anyway going back to the Tuesday thing she always makes it clear to Lacey I can't go anywhere with them on a Tuesday and as most of my other friends and family work Tuesday ends up with me sat in all day with the baby on my own until 11 at night. The Tuesday just gone I had told Lacey I needed to go into town and pick up some underwear and jewellery as my wedding dress had come in and I needed to have a fitting so I could book the seamstress. Lacey informed me that she and Jennifer were going into town but made no mention that I'd be welcome and when I reminded her I needed to ask I go into town she changed the subject. I text her saying that me and my other bridesmaid were going to head into town instead as I really needed those items. I'm not proud of myself but I felt hurt as this happens on a regular basis.
Later that day I felt even more cross so I deliberately called the dress shop and booked my fitting for the following Tuesday and I wanted to give Jennifer a taste of her own medicine I then sent a message to Lacey and said I've booked my dress fitting for next Tuesday as that day works best for me because it's not like I ever get asked to do anything (defiantly not my proudest moment) I was feeling hurt and pretty angry this has all gone on for ages and I've asked loads of times to be included once in a while but I never am these days I'm only good enough when Jennifer is at work.
Since all of this we have all had a huge fall out Jennifer is not speaking to me at all but then me and Lacey started speaking and I actually realised a lot of how I feel is down to her because she's never once stuck up for me to her sister. She never stands up to her sister about anything. Jennifer has a very funny personality she can be quite controlling and if things don't go her way she will stop speaking to Lacey for days on end this has Happened many times over really minor stuff. Now me and Lacey aren't really speaking either and I have told her that I am no longer willing to give her so much of my time when I am only good enough when her sister isn't around. I have never treated either one that way and am always more then happy to include Jennifer in plans I am only asking to be included once in a while not every time but I spend a lot of the week at home with LO so every so often it's nice to feel like you're wanted. I have since cancelled the dress fitting as booking an appointment out of spite isn't the way forward and that's really not the kind of person I am usually I was just so upset at the time but I have told Lacey I will get my dress fitted on my own and after all this I don't really want her to come nor do I wish to see her at the moment my OH has made me see a few things about our friendship that I need to get my head round because I can't believe I've been allowing myself to get used and treated so badly for so long.
Am I in the wrong for feeling so hurt? Is Jennifer in the wrong for actively trying to exclude me? Or is Lacey in the wrong for allowing her sister to treat her best friend that way?