To feel like there's no end to this anytime soon?

[acarnamedwanda]

Short backstory: split from my emotionally and physically abusive exDH last summer after 12 years of marriage. Three DCs 9, 8 and 6. I have no surviving family, so the DCs are the only family I have.

The split was my decision, and one not taken lightly by him as he always wanted to be in control. Several months after the split, he sub-let the coffee shop he owned and started a new job with a friend who promised him the world in terms of money and opportunities. This failed to surface and he ended up quitting.

As a result of losing his grip on a lot of stuff in his life, a few weeks ago he told me that he was going back to his home country to 'clear his head' and be with his family until July. He told the DCs that he was going away on business so that they wouldn't be upset as to why he upped and left.

He has been gone now almost two weeks and I resent every single bone in his body. I have three DCs in two schools 7 miles apart because we applied to transfer mid year from our old area to new and only DS was taken on. I am doing a 28 mile school run over two journeys each day. My DS has been particularly challenging this past week and he knows that he can push boundaries because the ex isn't here. I dread every single weekend because whilst I want to enjoy my time with them, from the moment I pick them up from school on a Friday, there is constant bickering, name calling and general whinging. After school today, I told them I would take them to the park as it was a lovely afternoon, and DS told me ever so defiantly that he didn't want to go, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it This was on top of him calling his sister a d**k head yesterday because she threw his ball in the park. I don't condone the use of that kind of language at all and he must have picked it up from school. Every day there seems to be some new issue that I have to deal with.

I don't have the luxury of just packing my bags and going to clear my head. He hasn't phoned them now in three days, and to be honest, the kids haven't asked about him. That's not my issue- I will never restrict contact between them. However, he doesn't need to worry about them because he knows they're being looked after well. He will swan back here in July with a fresh new head and take the kids in holiday to visit grandparents and family and get the fun times with them because they're absolute angels for him.

I, on the other hand get the back chatting, sulking, tantrums etc when I too want to have fun with them. I'm putting in so much hard work trying to split myself between each of them individually, but it's getting to the stage where I am dreading weekends and especially half term holiday at the end of the month because I feel like I'm slowly going insane.

I feel drained, emotionally and mentally. I have so much built up anger and frustration. I'm not even sure what I'm getting out of writing this, but please can someone tell me that it's ok, that one day I will get my head out of my arse and that all will be good again?

AIBU to resent him so much? Do I just need to shut up and put up? He tells me I do because 'I chose this lifestyle when I chose to divorce him'. It was either this or an abusive marriage

The kids are reacting to the change in circumstances. Yes, you're knackered, stressed and frustrated. It will pass. And in future your kids will remember all the effort, sacrifices and security you gave them. Although things are tough right now, they won't always be. And your kids will remember. Trust me.

""I have so much built up anger and frustration""

That is your main issue, it's what is happening inside your head that will dictate how you manage as a LP.

You've got to stop focusing on what he has done and start to work out how you can manage day-to-day life.

Your children are at a bickering age, there's ways of managing that, but you've got to let go of a lot and leave them to it.

I've been in your position, but my DH was ill (later died).

So is the school situation ending in July?

My two DDs are at the top of the school waiting list due to sibling priority. Unfortunately my appeal was rejected and so I just have to wait until a place becomes available for them both (years 4 and 3 come September).

I expected him going away to be a time for me of excitement and new beginnings knowing that he wouldn't be 'lurking' so to speak. I just feel like I've lost all motivation for anything. I want to be a fun mum and do impromptu stuff with the DCs but I just feel so taken for granted at times. I know they're only young, but with nobody to really chat about it to, it can bloody hurt at times

I'm so sorry to hear about your DH birdsgottaf1y

So there is going to be a positive change this year?

I don't want to sound glib, i've been were you are and you've got to count your blessings and give yourself time out, as a LP something has got to give.

My children are Adults now and we don't remember how clean the house was when they were 8-10.

There is a LP section on here, people will chat to you, when you're finding it tough going.

Once they are going into Secondary, a new set of problems can start, but you get a lot more freedom.

Kids do take you for granted, my middle DD was awful, until she had a baby and her own house to run, she now has a lot more respect for me.

All it takes sometimes is for one little happy moment and me reminding myself that I get to cherish those times and not him. He will never get this time back with them.

Six months ago I thought I'd never make it- so many worries about uncertainty, money etc. Each day I'm one bit closer and stronger than I was before. Sometimes the days just drag though and it can be hard

Yea it can. I used to escape into books (and stupid FB games, Farmville, Zombie games).

If they were ok and i had the kitchen to blitz, i'd put on high energy dance music through earphones for a bit.

Just something to take me out of the immediate situation, for a while.

Things are going to change massively, as they grow up.