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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think children do bring you joy.

25 replies

LovelyBath77 · 05/05/2017 20:22

I often read posts about how difficult it is parenting etc but I feel children do bring you joy. Even if it is hard at times. It is the most amazing thing which has happened to me and I feel so lucky and fortunate to have them. So do you feel joy from having children or is this something unusual?

OP posts:

ZilphasHatpin · 05/05/2017 20:25

Sometimes they do. Other times they bring you slugs. Or screws they found on the ground.

GrouchyKiwi · 05/05/2017 20:28

There are days when the joy is very hard to find, so I make doubly sure on those days that I look in on them when I go to bed. Sleeping children are the most beautiful thing in the world.

hazeyjane · 05/05/2017 20:29

Mine also seem to have bought me an extra couple of stone, grey hair and eyes that rival a pandas.

upperlimit · 05/05/2017 20:30

Joy, stress, enough Lego to build a battleship. What's not to like?

Sunshineandlaughter · 05/05/2017 20:30

Yes you've created extra people that love you to bits and whom you can love - of course that's joyful although you might not always remember this when they are waking up every 2 hours at night

MiniAlphaBravo · 05/05/2017 20:31

Yes mine bring me joy. Like when my little baby gives me a beautiful smile or when my toddler sings a song.

They can drive you to distraction but it's not all bad!

Original poster

LovelyBath77 · 05/05/2017 20:32

Sometimes I feel, it is a bit hard to say this though but the simple things re important, a hug from them etc, and it can feel like we focus on all the hard stuff...

OP posts:

elQuintoConyo · 05/05/2017 20:32

I had a difficult newborn, difficult baby, difficult toddler and now a full-on Duracell Bunny 5yo.

I try to find joy in the quiet moments.

ThePinkOcelot · 05/05/2017 20:32

You're right they do. But they also bring grey hair and stomach ulcers!

Fairylea · 05/05/2017 20:33

Yes often. My children make my life worth living.

I have two children, one dd aged 13 and a ds aged 5. Ds has asd and learning disabilities and life can be very tough (surviving on 4 hours sleep for the last 5 years for example) but everyday he is so full of joy for the world and happiness I can't help but feel joy when I look at him, and my dd.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 05/05/2017 20:36

I have a very "spirited" 2 year old and I'm on my own with him, so don't get a break/breather from when he wakes until he goes to sleep (from 8:30am to 1:30am yesterday ). Most of my time is spent either trying to prevent an epic tantrum or trying to calm him down from one... but in the midst of it all I do get moments of utter joy from him. He's really funny and he genuinely makes me laugh, and when we're having fun I feel like a kid again myself.

I think most people get pleasure and happiness from their children, and I don't think that saying that you find certain aspects of parenting hard going means that you don't get joy from them.

user1493022461 · 05/05/2017 20:36

So do you feel joy from having children or is this something unusual?

Yes, you're unique. No-one in the history of the world has ever enjoyed their children, until you had yours.

upperlimit · 05/05/2017 20:37

it can feel like we focus on all the hard stuff...

I think we talk about the right stuff because the tough stuff can be lonely and talking it through might bring a solution.

The joyful stuff is as easy as breathing isn't it. It's so precious it feels a bit boastful to dwell on it, I suppose.

upperlimit · 05/05/2017 20:38

Talk about the 'hard' stuff, no idea where 'right' stuff came from.

coldcanary · 05/05/2017 20:42

It helps to know that it's not just you going through the hard stuff, I suppose that why we talk about it. My kids give me joy, worry, laughs and raging tantrums - sometimes all in the same day and that's just me. It makes me feel better to read or hear that someone has experienced the same difficult moments of parenting as I have but they've come out of it with sanity intact and maybe a solution.

bluebellrailway · 05/05/2017 20:45

Mine make me happy. I'm not someone who has ever really been happy, for various reasons, but when I'm with them I am truely happy. Yesterday when I arrived home the sight of two happy little faces bobbing up and down in the window shouting 'mummy mummy' made my day .

Original poster

LovelyBath77 · 05/05/2017 20:51

Yes, i totally understand that it's helpful to talk about the difficult stuff but sometimes always focusing on the negative can make it all feel worse...and we forget the good stuff..

OP posts:

Mu123 · 05/05/2017 20:51

I have dd8, dd6, dd2 and ds2. Today dd2 has whipped her clothes and nappy off twice and pissed the bed, then again and shat on the sofa. Ds has broke the tv. Dd1 dropped her ipad in the bath.

Im still laughing, its just one of those days, they sure do brighten up my life. Very rare that I feel the raging "oh god I fucking hate these people".

But, no wonder im going grey ffs

DeathByMascara · 05/05/2017 20:54

I adore my children, they (and their dad) are the best things that ever happened to me. Hands down.

However, I am exhausted with them. I need a sodding break from the monotony of working, parenting and houseworking.

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 05/05/2017 20:58

OP check out the teenagers chat then worry about whether they are bringing joy or not

Fairylea · 05/05/2017 21:02

The thing is you can't judge how much joy or whatever teens or kids bring by reading mumsnet stuff. People post about the bad things because they want help and advice.

My teenager is lovely; yes she has her moments and of course life can be very stressful and no doubt more so in years to come but not every person with a teenager is sitting there tearing their hair out.

For most people their children are the main reason they get up in the morning. Literally and metaphorically

hazeyjane · 05/05/2017 21:15

Well sometimes it's happy happy joy joy (sitting in the cinema explaining what the word 'turd' means to dd2, to her utter delight and hilarity, that would be a highlight of the week)

And sometimes it sucks arse (sitting in the hospital listening to a Dr saying ds needs an endoscopy, a bowel biopsy and possibly a fundoplication and gastrostomy, would be a low light)

Being able to moan about sleepless nights, gnawing guilt and endless fear for the future stops me going insane. Otherwise I'd be one of those rictus grin women, shrilling on about how blessed I am and saying Everything's FINE!!!, whilst screaming inside.

It's maternal mental health awareness week, it's good to admit its not all honey sandwiches.

BlahBlahBlahEtc · 05/05/2017 21:23

You don't need to vent on mumsnet when you've had a good day.

Children bring tons of joy but after a hard ass day, sometimes all you need is to talk it out.

SecretNortherner · 05/05/2017 22:05

There's not much joy when he's 8months and cutting his molars. When he gets stupidly excited when you walk in the door ... yeh that's joy :). I think the joy is splattered with sleepless nights and constant worry that your doing it all wrong.

Sparrowlegs248 · 05/05/2017 22:10

I have not had a joyful day with my two under two. I seem to have mistimed every sodding thing, resulting in somebody crying for most of the day. We took it in turns though occasionally overlapped.

They are asleep now though and so beautiful, peaceful. I'm in the bath. Joy!

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