To want DS (11) at home more?

[emesis]

DS has made a new friend recently and it's his first proper good friend where they seem to have a equal relationship, both enjoying each others' company.

We are really pleased he's got such a nice friend and we like the little boy. But DS now wants to spend all his free weekend time there and I'm struggling to come to terms with it.

The friend's house is more 'fun' than ours, with game consoles, no annoying little siblings, better meals, better-off family, etc. I can understand the appeal. But DS wants to sleep there once a week and spend most of Saturday there.

As far as I can tell, the parents are quite happy having him so often and even though I say the friend is welcome here, they would always rather be there.

I actually have no idea if I'm being unreasonable in feeling like I want him home more.

How would you feel about this?
As you can probably tell he's my first so it's all new to have him discovering his social life.

I think maybe explain to him the concept of 'returning the favour' re hospitality. Find something they're interested in that they can do at your house - water fights/tents in the garden/making pizza whatever it is and tell your ds it's his turn to host.

I've been in a similar position with dd and after explaining why she must take a turn to have friends round, found success with letting them bake. The kitchen is a bombsite when they've finished, but they have a great time with the music up loud, trying out new recipes (all of which seem to be chocolate brownies). I give them money for ingredients (fairly cheap) and they post their successes and disasters on snapchat etc.

I also have ds (11) who's just starting with this and nerf gun battles/water fights/science experiments seem successful at the moment. I really limit the PlayStation time they have, so I have to come up with good stuff or he would just be off to someone elses house where the gaming restrictions are less strict.

I think you need to make it clear to the parents that if you can't return the favour then you'll stop allowing him over so often. This kind of imbalance would make me feel really uncomfortable with my own DD.

I wouldn't do as Uppity suggests.

Tbh I'm on the other side of the fence. DS's friends prefer to come here due to the lack of siblings. I'm also more relaxed on the games when he has friends round.

It's possible that if you cut out your DS going there you won't necessarily get his friend coming round. One of DS's friends will never let people go round to his because his siblings embarrass him, won't leave them alone and "ruin everything".

I'd find out a bit more about why your DS feels as he does and if there's anything you can do to resolve it.

IME these things go in phases - certainly DS seem to always be round one friend's house and then they flip and friend is always round here.

But, assuming your reasons for why DS prefers the other child's house are valid, it's worth thinking about them. If DS had a friend over would they be constantly pestered by younger siblings or is there somewhere they could have their own space? Is DS lacking in "stuff" that's normal for a boy of his age?

Also, check out why ds likes it at the other boys house so much. DS loves to go to one particular friends house, but it's mostly because they're allowed to play 18+ games for hours on end. I've tried to chat to the mum about it, but we see things differently.

I don't stop ds from going, but I do limit it. His friend does come here but is hard work because he wont play out and has a very limited attention span / boredom threshold for anything that doesn't involve a screen.

Thank you so much, this is all really wise advice! I appreciate it.

He's got a laptop and an older model console but not as cool as the friend's apparently . Great thinking about encouraging ways to reciprocate, they both love baking so that could be fun.