More of a WWYD about DDs body image worries

[tigercub50]

DD is 8 & I would describe her as " well covered" - we realised she was starting to put on weight but have never said anything ( I went through some very tough times as a child because my Mum had a very unhealthy relationship with food & would put me on allsorts of diets that I didn't need). With DD, we talk about being fit & healthy or about looking after your teeth. Anyway, DD has started to make comments to do with how she looks & this morning she said her leggings were "slimming". Then she told me that people who go to Slimming World wear a special uniform & that she had joined Weightwatchers because she was already too fat 😞. I have expressively told DM never to say anything about weight or " cutting down" although I guess some of this could be from older girls at school or even YouTube. I am aware that I am more sensitive about it because of my own experiences but it is worrying that DD is already starting to think of herself in that way. I tell her she is beautiful every day but I don't know the best way to handle it. Just saying " You're not fat darling" isn't enough. Any advice welcome 🙂

Slimming World/Weightwatchers etc, are not dirty words to be hidden away. They're advertised all over the television.

There is an obesity epidemic going on all around her.

You can't stop these things from happening, by never mentioning anything in front of her. I would have thought that was far more confusing tbh.

If she's overweight, no amount of 'You're not fat darling' will help, because she'll just learn to not speak about it in front of you, possibly leading to dieting in secret.

I think you need to rethink her diet and exercise now, and it's quite possible she'll lose weight without even knowing.

If she is starting to put on weight to the point that she is noticeably overweight, then that is something you can control.
Find the cause of the weight gain ( bad diet, secret sweet/chocolate stash, lack of exercise) and do something to combat it. The easiest thing would be to find a sport or activity that will get her more exercise. Hopefully as kids spend more time outdoors in the nicer weather, there will be more cycling etc so the weight might naturally drop off.
A child being overweight can lead to self esteem problems and bullying at school ( should happen but it does, and we all know schools have very hit and miss methods to dealing with it ), so it needs to be nipped in the bud now if it looks like it's starting to be a problem.

Her peers may come out with similar comments at some point and she will join in so as not to look "babyish".

Healthy bodies come in different shapes and sizes. She needs to know her body will change in puberty and that's normal and natural.

Getting into a sport can help children feel strong and confident. I don't mean to the point she feels pressure to achieve - if nothing is fun, she won’t feel good about herself.

Maybe you can point out in magazines or on tv when pictures in the media are unrealistic? They are created to sell products.

Once a month get her to jot down six things she likes about herself. NB things that aren’t related to what she looks like or how much she weighs.

your upbringing sounds very much like mine, although my parents have passed away now.

I'm fat and very open about me being fat due to liking cake. My two children are not fat. My DD is slightly solid, but mainly muscle, certainly not overweight. However she has made the odd comment about her size.

I usually say that she is the perfect size for my DD and that she is fit and strong. I don't think she has ever seen a weightwatchers commercial ever, we don't watch many adverts at all.

I don't ever say anything negative about my body around her, we talk about bodies in terms of being strong or fast or healthy eating etc.

Yes i would echo the poeple saying look at her diet and exercise while she is still so young. It's awful that she already has body image worries at this age. I would focus very much on exercise. Does she have a sport? Is there anything in her diet you could sensibly cut out?

I would tell her categorically that weight watchers and slimming world are for adults and she doesn't need a diet she just needs to be healthy. I also agree that as she is clearly aware of it you need to talk to her about airbrushing and the unrealistic images in media and make her aware that her aim is to be healthy.

How overweight is she? Take off your mummy goggles and look at her objectively: does she need help? Can you improve her diet without her knowing? Does she need more exercise- if so you could enroll her into fun stuff like dance and swimming. Don't lie to her and tell her she doesn't have a problem if she clearly does, you'll just be setting her up for problems later.

Ignore the comments and focus on making some lifestyle changes. Get her into a sport and moderate her diet. Just don't tell her. If she questions the food on her plate you tell her you are trying a new recipe. Etc

Rather than let her continue to gain weight which will plummet her already low self esteem, take charge. You're the one feeding her more food than she's burning off. That's your responsibility. Smaller portions. Healthier meals. Limited junk. Get her out walking, running around the park, swimming, get her into a sport.... Get her moving. The weight will fall off naturally and she'll grow up, not out.

Also, don't make it emotional. She's picking that up from you. She should have a logical mentality toward her body. As in recognising that she will look how she lives and be able to make rational, healthy choices based on what she wants.

All eating disorders are emotion based. Healthy attitudes are logic based.

Good post HildaOg