Housework/Work balance

[Ginfernal]

Yawn It's one of those

Dh works away. 80 hours a week for 2 weeks. Then has 2 weeks at home.
I'm at home, very part time craft business - sold through local shops.
Dd 5 is at school. Crap sleeper. Talking new born sleep patterns, up anything from once to 10 times a night.
Live next door to in-laws.

Everything falls to me. Literally down to removing plates from the table after they have eaten.
I've asked/pleaded/nagged for teaspoons etc not to be left on the counter to be met with 'It's my house'. Then when he sees my face, always counters with 'that was a joke'.
House is a renovation project. DH spends his time helping his Dad with jobs his Dad has. Then he tells me where I've missed bits/done terrible painting.
Sex only exists if I initiate it.
I can never say I'm tired. It's always met with 'Well I've just done two 80 hour weeks'.

Just once I'd like to have someone else answer dd first thing. Failing that, being heard is enough

Irrespective of whether he pulls his weight on his two weeks off, he doesnt sound like he likes or respects you.

LTB

Ugh, sounds like a crap life, for you.

Sounds like your H is a bit of cop out. Can't he shave off a few hours and actually contribute to family life in a practical sense/physical presence?

Otherwise what's the point of having a family together? Money helps but it's not the be and end all to having a happy, well balanced life.

I'd suggest baby steps here. My husband will do as little as possible if he can get away with it, and falling out with me didn't used to bother him.

A few strategies:

Point blank refuse to do stuff, but in a non aggressive way (passive aggressive). You and the children clear up after yourselves and just leave his plate there. If he doesn't clear it, just serve his next meal on it (and run). Have a giggle about it with the kids. Or tell him to use disposables.

Find out his pet hates, mine hates dirty floors, and bins so I just leave those. He is well organised with it now.

Flatter him. Tell everyone how helpful he is, praise him to his mother.

Get the kids on board. Make their beds, load dishwashers etc. One to clear the table, one to wipe down kitchen and one to wash up. Takes 15 mins to clear kitchen. We were brought up that way.

You also sound as if you need some proper time to yourself so once a week down tools and have a lunch with a friend or even just a coffee.
Leave the chores, the spiders can eat the dust for an hour.

Hang in there, but reestablish your self esteem, little by little x

"Flatter him. Tell everyone how helpful he is, praise him to his mother. "

Whaaaaat?

It worked. I wasn't too keen on it myself. I think it comes from the positive discipline approach.

'Its my house.'
Exactly. Pull your weight and stop acting like it's a hotel with maid service.
What an odd comment!