To think he should just go to the bloody dentist?

[PhantomBlooper]

DP has tooth ache. I noticed him making a funny noise with his mouth and taking sharp breaths and asked him about it. He said he had a tooth ache.

Wednesday night he had a cup of tea and the sugar in it obviously irritated the bad tooth and he barely slept at all because of it.

When he woke I suggested trying to get an appointment at the emergency dentist, or even just go and see the dentist. He point blank refused saying it would cost too much money. He said he would manage it with pain relief.

I've said over and over that it's not going to get better on it's own. He won't eat anything as this causes it to become painful again. But still he isn't budging!

I am finding it really difficult to dredge up an ounce of sympathy for him when he will not help himself.

How on earth do I get him to go?

He is an adult. You can't make him.

He said it would cost too much. Do you have the money?

Do you have the money? Any dental schools near you? (Are you near a uni) they treat for free, but you've got a student who will be supervised.

If you can afford it, I'd tell him you are booking him an appointment, he can cancel it or go.

I ignored a tooth ache because we were on holiday. Came home and had to wait 3 days for an appointment. By that time, an abscess had developed and burst requiring surgery and a 3 day hospital stay on IV antibiotics. He needs to go

The other year dh complained of toothache and refused to go the dentist for weeks. Eventually he couldn't bear it anymore and gave in, at which point the dentist told he he hd a massive abscess under his eye and if he'd left it a day or two longer he'd probably have lost his eye. Tell him to stop being such a martyr.

No sympathy required - he can go to the dentist or he can suck it up. If he doesn't go to the dentist it will carry on hurting more and more, and may develop into an access which will be excruciating. He has full mental capacity, he has the freedom to make unwise decisions, his choice, move on.

I would leave him to his own devices. He is an adult and he's made his choice not to go. As long as you've pointed out the risks and made your position clear then he can deal with the consequences of not going as he chooses.

My DH did this a few weeks ago, turned out he'd smashed a tooth YEARS ago and hadn't mentioned it. It took 3 lots of antibiotics before they were able to remove the tooth, and then the extraction was fairly traumatic (had to drill through the tooth as the gum wouldn't numb).

Tell your DH, before antibiotics "toothache" would kill. If he ignores it long enough he'll end up with sepsis.

My worry is that it will turn into something more sinister and he will end up in an even worse situation.

We can afford it. We both work FT and could easily put our hands on it. I think his fear is he hasn't been for so long that they will put a whole list forward of stuff that needs doing and the cost will rack up. But needs must.

I have told him this morning that if he doesn't help himself I won't be putting up with the complaining. He woke me up at midnight last night complaining about it - it's so tiring and frustrating.

I know he's a grown man but it affects us both because I have to tolerate the moaning and the random sucking noises he makes with his mouth. Not to mention I don't want to be with someone who's teeth are rotting out of their head, as shallow as that may be.

I've known people like this, sometimes they had parents who couldn't afford regular dental care and just pulled out teeth when they hurt too much to bear! One guy was < 40 but had about 6 teeth missing, and tho not poor, just seemed to think the dentist would charge to remove tooth, so had pulled them out if they hurt a lot.

He is being daft, but is it worth pointing out that if he goes, he may keep tooth, if he doesn't, it will likely have to come out (and unless he plans to do that himself, he'll have to go then anyway!)?

Remember that emergency dental appointments are only £20 as are all treatments resulting from that appt - sometimes surgeries are a bit funny about that though.

Most dentists will only give emergency appointments to clients already on the books so if he signs up with one just to get this sorted he'll have to wait to be fitted in.

Also, if it's an NHS dentist, they have set bands. Extraction comes under band 2 so will be £50 or so. That covers for any work within a 6 week period.

I feel your frustration am having the same kind of problem at the minute with my fella only he's refusing point blank to go to the doctors and after 3 weeks of him refusing to go I just feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall. Unfortunately he's a grown man and you can't make him go the best you can do is book the appointment for him and tell him that he either goes or shuts up about his tooth and suffers in silence.

It sounds like he needs an emergency dentist but failing that why doesn't he sign up to an NHS one ? If it magically heals itself (doubtful) he can just get a checkup if it doesn't he can wait out the pain and go see one on the cheap in a few weeks if he really thinks he can ignore the pain till then...

I could have written this post, my dh has been like this for weeks.He has been in awful pain and like a bear with a sore head. It came to a head on Thursday when he had pain all down the left side of his face. He got an emergency nhs appointment and needed a tooth removed , he's now pain free and it only cost £20.00.

He is now going to attend the dentist more regularly as he realises himself how stupid he's been. That has turned into an epic but I sympathise as we had this for weeks. The other thing was he was having strong pain killers regularly and I can't imagine that was any good for him either.

I had this with my husband and gout - I realise gout is awful, and extremely painful, but although he did go to the doctor he would never comply with treatment. Eventually I became unable to muster any sympathy at all

If it's an NHS dentist, top band is the most they charge for EVERYTHING he might need doing (assuming it goes that high - a series of straightforward fillings will be a cheaper band) I needed an inlay and my dentist did another filling at the same time to keep it all under the one charge for me. He needs to go but you can't make him. I would continually point out the potential for abcess etc but you can't physically force him at the end of the day. Very frustrating for you OP!